I just can not depend on my mother in law! I'm a stay at home mom and my husband uses the only transportation that we have for work. Well, since she is so busy and all with work, I asked her anyways if she could drive me to the bank just to deposit my college grant. She cleans apartments for a living and her work is not even a mile down my home. Bank closes at 5pm, she said call back at 3:30, so I did, she didn't answer so I left a message. So, she calls my husband at work to tell him to call me to let me know that she can not take me because shes busy. Why can't she call ME back to tell me that she won't be able to make it? I'm the one that left a message. She seems like if she can't do something for me, she'll call my husband to tell him. She is weird. Why can't she go out of her way for like 10 minutes to come over and see her grandson. I mean, she has not come over once for the past 2 years to visit and she knows that I am home all the time!
2007-01-10 09:19:30 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I ran out of characters. Anyways, like this one time when her 27 year old daughter wasn't complaining about me when she was living with me because I had strict rules. She and I had an arguement. She moves out, call her mom to complain like a little girl. So my mother in law calls me in a sweet tone of voice that we need to basically get along, eventhough her daughter was using us and being lazy the whole time living with us. My mother in law is so blind and naive. Anyways, when I got off the phone with her, she right away calls me husband on his cellphone and he was home, and starts yelling at him. Saying 'Do you know what your wife did?!' And I'll I did was yelling at my sister in law. So my husband yells back because she had no right to do that. Is that being manupalive? My sister in law is pretty good at that and I think that is where she got it from, eventhough they were adopted. what should I do? not ask for help anymore from her? sorry sooo long.
2007-01-10 09:29:21 · update #1
oh, if you are wondering if i should be independent as if why I should take the bus or taxi. I had no money. that is why i needed to deposit the check. The bus routes are screwy and do not trust people here for many reasons.
2007-01-10 09:32:56 · update #2
ok, maybe I should have been more detailed. When we go visit her over the weekend, we talk and have fun. Been when she gets into a busy mode, like always, shes totally different. She always says if I needed something or a ride, since we only have that one transportation which my husband uses, to give her a call and I don't ever ask for help.
2007-01-10 09:39:24 · update #3
his family and my family are totally different. My family are very emotionally supportive and is always there for me. When im down, i go to my family for support and vice versa. We have a close bond. Now, i have to communicate with my parents through email and phone, which is fine and they write and call all the time and does not bug me one bit. I just wish my mother in law could be just as close with her family like I do with mine.
2007-01-10 09:43:20 · update #4
Well first of all let me say that this is not my e-mail but it belongs to my mom however my mom showed me your question and I decided to respond to it because I can relate to your situation. i have been married to my husband for about 3yrs and I have 2 kids with my husband and I have also asked my in law for rides and things like that she sometimes does take me and sometimes I can not find her because she is always out an about. It is sad that she can not find the time to see her grandson but then again mine doesn't come by often either so I have learned to deal with it. It is her loss if she does not want to be a part of her grandsons life at least thats what my husband sais. It is true that we should not depend on anyone to take us to run our errands but sometimes when you live on a very tight budget there really isn't anyway to find other means of transportation. The best thing you can do is stop asking your mother in law for any help because she appears not to want to help. The day she asks you for a favor don't say "no I can't" out of spite because you'll only be doing the same she does to you and thats your chance to prove to her that not all people are like her. Unfortunately we have to learn how to deal with our in laws because they will always be a part of our lives because they are our kids grandparents and our spouses parents. I hope things get better between your mother in law and you. You can always try talking to her like the resonable adults that you are and might arrive to a solution. If you want to keep on talking about it e-mail me at shortylinda78@yahoo.com. Take care and God Bless You and your loved ones.
2007-01-10 10:56:10 · answer #1 · answered by a.vasquez7413@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she is afraid to let you down and that she can't or won't take the time to get to know you /her grandson. That's too bad, It's her problem and you shouldn't take it personally. Maybe you should reach out to her and invite her to have lunch with you. Include her in a few things you are doing and if she isn't interested just drop it. Sometimes we just have to accept that we will will have a superficial relationship with certain people. Some people just like to put space between themselves and others. I'm sorry that your relationship with your MIL is lacking and I really do hope you can improve it. The only behavior you can control is your own. Try for a positive reaction from her and if, after a few tries you don't get it--give her her space as you will have done everything that you possibly could. Good Luck!
2007-01-10 09:28:51 · answer #2 · answered by Mythical Creature 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mother in laws are odd creatures. There may be a chance of jealousy - You ARE now the main women in his life now & given him children. Maybe she doesn't know how important it would be to you to have her apart of your life or to help out without being a pushy in-law. And she might call your husband back, as she doens't want to hear the sound of possible disappoint in your voice. It may have been so long since she's participated in ya''ll (yes I'm in TX) lives that she doesn't know how.
Have a loving conversation with your Hon & then see if you can't start some small invites with his mother for dinner or "tea" to visit with you/her grandson....letting her know how special she is to his life & yours and you don't want her to miss being apart of it.. (Then maybe the short errands you need can get done in the future.
Always worth a shot to extend the Olive branch. Good luck!!!!
2007-01-10 09:25:28 · answer #3 · answered by Aphrodite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she hasn't come over for the past two years to visit, why did you expect her to take you to the bank?
You can send the deposit with your husband and he can put it in the night drop if he can't get there while they are open.
She is obviously not interested in a relationship with you. Why would you want one with someone like that?
2007-01-10 09:23:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to stop concentrating on your mother-in-law so much and find other ways of making somethings happen for you. She obviously don't want to be bothered at this time, so leave her alone. We envision grandmothers to be more helpful and loving toward their grand kids, they are just not what they used to be. You also have to figure she is busy with her own life and really just don't want to be bothered, yes it may be selfish, but she has raised her children, and she can see her grand child whenever she gets ready. You said it has been 2 years since she visited, that is indicating to me she may have a problem with you, especially since she calls her son to relay messages instead of calling you. Just cut your loss and move on.
2007-01-10 09:37:30 · answer #5 · answered by Nvonne 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i cant believe you are complaining about this kind of a thing life is not all about you and your needs or wants. you are an adult maybe you could take your husband to work one day and use the car that day and go get him from work. and stop being a titty baby maybe she would have some thing to do with you when you can think about some one besides your self.. wah my mother in law has a job and works i dont so i have all the time in the world to sit around and find fault with others.............my opinion.
2007-01-10 10:18:42 · answer #6 · answered by moe 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well hun it isn't her job to make sure you get where you need to go now is it? She raised her kids and now it is up to you and your husband to figure life out. Hey I know income tax season is here and your husband and yourself should be getting a nice return so go buy a used car so you guys will have you a second car and you won't be so upset that someone isn't there to run you around. As for why she won't call you instead of your husband probably doesn't want to hear you whine like you are on here. Time to grow up.
2007-01-10 09:32:45 · answer #7 · answered by Lucinda M 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hmmm it looks like she's really busy. She has to work. Is there anyway you could be more independant and perhaps take a taxi or bus to the bank?
2007-01-10 09:22:57 · answer #8 · answered by queenmaeve172000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a mother in law from hell! Just remember this when she needs a ride to the doctors office when she is old and frail!! What comes around goes around! She'll need you some day and she'll regret not being there for you and your son!
2007-01-10 09:25:03 · answer #9 · answered by Mustang Sally 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If I had to, I would take my own husband to work and not depend on anyone for a ride or anything else. If I didn't know how to drive, I would learn.
2007-01-10 09:59:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋