Should he give up parental rights?

Question

My bf has a 3 yr old boy who we see for 1 month every 2. Every time his son is here he does nothing but cries. We have tried everything we can to get him to stop and be a normal child. He refuses to eat, play with other kids, play with toys, he won't listen to me and he's very sassy. My bf works one week on, one off. The whole time his son is here he only gets to see him 8 of the 30 days. I'm tired of being the "main parent", and he isn't my son. My bf and i are expecting in august and i don't want his son to come home until after the baby is born or if at all. I cannot handle the stress he brings into my life and into his dad and i's relationship. His mother has told him numerous times on the phone to not listen to me and do whatever he wants to. he does this every where we go, i'm tired of it. should my bf give up his parental rights since he never sees his son and when he does the kid refuses to interact with us? His mom says he's fine w/ her and all she wants is the $500 a month cs

Thank you for your responses, however a lot of you have taken this the wrong way. For one, i am his fiance, two, he has talked to me about this, and three, i have never shown this child any kind of negative attitude. When he acts up i try to tickle him and get him in a better mood. I think those of you who wrote back negatively are very unsincere people and have issues for not trying to understand other peoples' feelings and frustrations. Another thing is, his father is not a bad person by any means, he loves his son very, very much, but given the cirmumstances he has considered this only for the sake of his son. It's only been a consideration! As far as changing visitaion, it cannot be done because the courts set it up like that due to us living 3 states away from each other. And NO moving is not an option. So those of you who want to be negative, Fine, I could care less, that's your issue, but i know that i'm not a bad person because i try my a** off and i do love this child.

Ok let me get this straight, i have NEVER asked my fiance to give up his rights to his son, this is something he has considered and only for the fact that it would best for the child since he is never home. You're absolutely right i came here for suggestions, but i didn't come here asking for RUDE and INCONSIDERATE people to assume crap and blow this whole thing out of proportion. Again, NO moving is not any kind of an option. His ex wife was the one who decided to move out of state. We both grew up here and will NEVER consider moving to another state. How would you like it if some body told you to leave your home state and leave your entire family behind just to TRY to make a few things better with a child that acts this way? I doubt you would do it either!! I would rather deal with this for the rest of my life than leave this state! You people are freakin nuts! there are truely worse cases out there than just a father who wants what's best for his child, usually that's a good thing!!

Answer 1

first of all, $500 a month for one child is a ridiculous amount of money. if he gives up his rights to the child, she won't get an money anyway. he won't have to pay child support anymore. it's really up to your boyfriend if he wants to give up his rights.

Answer 2

If you love this child, like you say you do, then why is the thought of his father terminating his rights to the child even a question that is open for discussion?

It is not the child's fault the parents live 3 states apart--and sorry--but moving is ALWAYS an option. Also--you say your bf works one week on and one week off, yet only sees the child 8 days out of 30--that doesn't add up. Why doesn't he see him every day after work or before, and the 14 days he's off work during the month?

I know you are not getting the responses you wanted--but you asked for our input and you are getting it, like it or not. We are saying to you what your firends and family won't.

The child is 3 now, and once he starts school the current visitation schedule is not going to work......so what will you do in 2 years? Drop out of the child's life except for summers?

If you can't handle the stress, YOU need to get out of the relationship--not the child. Like it or not, the child is part of a package deal with your bf. You need to do some real soul searching here. To cut the child out of his father's life because you are not his mom and b/c you don't like being the 'main parent' when he is there is not the child's problem--it's your problem regardless of what you think.

Aside from that--you can always go back to court and get visitation changed to every other month so as to increase the amount of time the child spends with his father--and you. If you do that, then then go ahead and save the money and make a plan for when the chld begins school.

Finally you two need to sit down and really discuss moving. I'd almost bet that whatever jobs the two of you have are available in every state in the USA. So, relocation IS an option. You may have to take a pay cut to begin with, but in the end the fact that you are saving a relationship with the child is worth that price.

Finally--and both you and your bf need to think about this: Do you really want to do be with a man who sees his role as a father so disposable? And does he want to be a woman who even considers it appropriate to ask him to give up his 3 year old child b/c she is unhappy with the current situation?

Answer 3

What kind of mother are you to suggest that your boyfriend walk out on his child....since he has not married you before impregnating you, you best hope he doesn't ditch you and your child for a new girlfriend.

The problem is you don't have regular visits with him. I recommend family therapy for you, your boyfriend, the child and the mother. If your boyfriend is only going to be around for 8 days maybe the child should only come for 8 days.

I would recommend biweekly visits on weekends every two weeks instead of taking him from his mommy for a whole month....what the heck do you expect he is a baby.

I cannot believe how selfish you are! This is a child...not the enemy. What kind of dad would he be and do you want that for your child if he walked out.

OKAY....I JUST HAVE TO RESPOND TO YOUR RESPONSE....HOPEFULLY YOU READ THIS......

Your name is tired of stepson.......that right there says your attitude about him...this is not what is best for him, this is because you are sick of him. You said it yourself....FIRST THING

You never said he was your fiance, you said BF....pretty funny you're all the sudden engaged....which doesn't mean crap.....right now, you're just like his son's mother....another woman carrying his illegimate kid...... Fiance means nothing these days...it is a term people who are shacked up and or knocked up use!

No where in your complaints do you say ANYTHING about the child's best interest......I'm tired of being the main parent...I cannot handle the stress and your relationship. I'm tired of it.

This poor baby is 3 years old and you're creating him into some demon....HE REFUSES TO INTERACT WITH US...he is a baby. I hope you show more love and empathy toward your child or God Help it!

Your boyfriend (which you call him 3X and not your fiance?????) should adapt his work schedule or find a job that would allow him to be around when the child is visiting.

As I said family counseling, and maybe shorter visits...if his father can only be around for 8 days, then the child should only visit for 8 days.

You just don't want it to work because you don't love this child and you don't accept this child...you said it yourself HE ISN'T MY KID.

I hope your baby's daddy treats your baby better than you want him to treat his son when you two breakup!

AND YES...I'D MOVE FOR THE SAKE OF A CHILD.....I'D CRAWL ACROSS THE FIRES OF HELL OVER BROKEN GLASS TO GET TO MY CHILD....that is not crazy, that is parenthood.

Answer 4

He's only 3! I understand that your pregnancy may have you a bit more emotional than usual, but try to imagine your own child 3 years from now having to adjust to a situation like you descibe. He really needs his father and will need him more and more as he grows up. His father should not let so much time elaspe between visits, even if the visits are shorter. He should arrage that his son visit when he is off from work so that the child will become accustomed to him and to you and his baby sister or brother. You and his father should now be preparing him for the arrival of his new sibling.

Answer 5

That would be a selfish reason to give up his parental rights. You cant just make this kid go away. Your BF needs to put his son first. If that means changing visitation to every other weekend so he can have time alone with his son then that's what he needs to do. Honestly, If I knew that me boyfriend felt the way you do about my child, he would no longer be my boyfriend regardless whether I was carrying his child or not. Your BF needs to get his priorities straight so do you.

Answer 6

For a three year old going through a major change on a monthly basis (too long for both places to feel familiar, too short to get fully acclimated anywhere) I'd say the kid is being entirely normal. Is there any good reason for such a weird visitation schedule?

But if you bf is dedicated to a relationship with his son, he needs to work for a better visitation schedule that works with his work schedule, not give up parental rights.

Answer 7

You are the most selfish person here. "he is not my child"...god I hope nothing happens to you and your guy and your in this situation one day! Why in the hell does he not see him more often? The reason this child acts like this is because his normal routine is all out of whack when he visits people he barely knows. I think the two of you should pack your asses up and move closer to him to be a real part of his life and if you can't acknowledge him to be atleast your step son, then you have a lot of growing up to do!


Oh, and I just LOVE your screen name! That poor child, who never did anything to you that you hate so much! You shouldn't be allowed to have children of your own!

Answer 8

The poor child is probably going thru hell every time he get shunted from one parent to the other. About the time he gets used to things everything changes again. If you dont want to be the main parent then see if he can change his visitation to a different schedule since this one isnt too good for the child. Remember how he treats this child is how he will treat yours!!!!

Answer 9

Wow. This poor little guy has a lot of drama going on in his life. He's three, and you can't handle being a parent? I'm sure you knew before you and your boyfriend got serious that he had a son... Sorry to say, but you should have considered how your relationship would affect this toddler's life before you got seriously involved. But, that is all a moot point since you plunged headlong into a relationship anyway, without considering whether or not you wanted to be a stepparent to your significant other's child. This is HIS child, so it has to be HIS decision whether or not he would like to continue to raise him or just move on. Personally, I can't imagine "forgetting" that I had a child and not seeing them ever again, but my ex-husband did it, so I imagine it can be done. Luckily, I got remarried to a wonderful man who thought long and hard about whether or not he wanted to become an instant parent to my daughter (who was three at the time). Becoming an instant parent can be difficult- suddenly you are responsible for another human being, who, although not related to you, will be your family. My husband really thought about his decision to get married to me, since he had never had any experience with children, and we already had one if he married me. I think that you really need to talk about your feelings of stress and regret with your boyfriend. As well, you need to consider HIS opinion on his child. Step families are hard- especially when there are conflicting interests and opinions of the parents, but this is something that you will have to back out of. Your boyfriend and his ex will have to work this out. That doesn't mean that you can't put your two cents in- your opinion on how you want to parent is very important. Just that they will need to work out their differences and make other arrangements that may work better for both of them and their child. Because whether you like the situation or not, THEY are this little guys' parents. That brings me to my last concern... this little guy is getting moved around, disrupting his life and schedule to accommodate the parents, and YOU are concerned about YOU. No wonder this little guy is acting out! Do you not think that this little boy is confused, agitated, wondering what is going to happen to him next? He is being used as a pawn, has no idea how to express his feelings about being passed from one parent to another, and can feel the stress eminating from all of the "parents" in the situation! I would expect nothing less behavior-wise from this poor little guy! His world is upside down, and he can't do anything about it! Of course he's going to be crying, upset, uncooperative, have a lack of appetite, and withdrawn! He's trying to figure out his place in this world, and he can feel the resentment that you put out when he is in your care. Children are very receptive at picking up on adult moods, and if you are projecting the kind of resentment that I feel when reading your question to this little guy- no wonder he's acting out! He knows you don't like being put in the position of caregiver, and he's wondering why he's being forced to be there. Talk to your boyfriend, tell him your side and how you resent the fact that you are being the main caregiver to his son, and try to think about if you would feel welcome if you were the little boy. Sometimes putting yourself in someone else's shoes can really help you gain a different perspective. Think about what is best for this little boy's life... that's what mothers do.

Answer 10

if you don't like what you have to deal with then leave him. He shouldn't have to give up HIS rights to see HIS son just because you are not happy. That not your place at all to say!!! Say you had a son or daughter in the same situation and he didn't enjoy the time while he or she was around. Who is he to say you should never see your child again because he is not happy?????

Answer 11

You sound very immature and selfish. Would you want the father of your child to give up parental rights because his new girlfriend didn't want to be around your child? Think about it because you're not married and this could very well be your situation in the future! Lots of luck.