How can people judge young moms?

Question

I think that there are alot of very rude people out there. I am a young mother myself, being 19 and preggo with baby # 2. However I have my place, I am married, I have my associates, working towards my bachelors, I go to night school, so no I do not leave my son with anyone. ,
I want to say that not all teen mothers are bad...in fact I know alot of older women who have kids, leave them with sitters and go out alot.
Because they are used to that life and used to being free to go about themselves. How many women do you know that do nopt have a single idea of what their kidas are doing? At least these young mothers me included, have enough common sense to come in and ask for advice-
which may i remind all of you that is what this is for....
And furthermore, how many are out there degrading us young TRYING moms and you barely work a low income job have barely a GED in their corner and are not married or even seriously dating? How can you judge people who just want to ask for advice?

I am not judging I am just asking you to think of others and askingyou why you look down on people for what age they have their children. Dont you think you should judge them by other standards, if you have to judge them at all. Judge them by how well taken care of their kids are, how adjusted they are, Doesnt anyone ever ask, well how are the kids? They only ask well god how old is their mom? My mom was 18 when she had me, and alot of my friends' mom's looked down on her when i was in school but when they got to know her through the schoola nd me, they got over themselves. I think maybe people have to realize that there is a differnece between being young and being immature. I am immature in some things. Like defending myself. If you say i am immature for this, then so be it. But I want to point out that while you are telling me to grow up, my children are growing up. Healthy, happy, and taken care of. And while I may still have alot to learn, most new mom make mistakes even 30 yr old

p.s. in case I havent been clear. I was a 16 yr old who got pregnant. I had my son at 17 . and didnt marry for over a year after that. So while you may commend me for being 18 or whatever that comment was...I was a young one. I still am a young one.

oh and I barely juggle. I had my 1st degree before my first was born...I was advanced in school, and finished early. I now go 2 nights a week. I dont consider that alot of time away from my son as it a total of 4 hours a week. So yes, I did have school out of the way. Now I am going for me, To have something to fall back on in case something ever happens and I do need to work. School is now my back up plan. I am 1st and formost a mom, and I want people to understand. Plus I do not think that spending 4 hours a week away from home makes me bad....do you?

Answer 1

As you go through life you'll realize that there are people who will judge you no matter what you do or what your situation is. I too was a young mother that was successful. I have learned that you cant change everyone's mind and you cant stop them from judging you. Just let it go being secure in the fact that your life is good and your children are happy healthy well adjusted kids. Take Care Honey.

PS: I had a women who told me I was disgrace when I was walking with my baby girl. I was 18 and had just graduated from high school with a 4.2GPA and had gotten accepted to an excellent college with housing. I looked at her and said "we will all be judged one day now wont we?" She never said another word to me.

Answer 2

I am in my 30's and pregnant with my second. a single mother by choice. People can be criticald. what matters is that the kids have a good home. Not the age.. if you are married or any of that.. do the kids have what they need? That is the question. People get stuck in their thinking.. not to long ago you were weird if you weren't married for several years and didn't have kids at 19... 3 generations ago in my family, the girls were married by 16... people are merely judging by culture.. put these same people in a different environment as babies and raise them.. and these same people would cristisize you if you had NOT had the life you had...

Answer 3

The thing is that your life was going along a certain path and you derailed yourself by having children before experiencing really anything about the world you live in. On the plus side, you have a chance to be that young hot grandma, but was that what you were thinking about when you got pregant the first time?

When adults have kids, they have a responsibility to properly raise the child and be a good role model. When kids have kids, most don't have the maturity to handle it.

When your kids are 19, are you going to be happy for them that they're expecting their second kids already? I don't think so.

I don't know of any older (and I don't know how much older you mean here) moms that leave kids with babysitters and go out a lot. Do you mean that they're neglecting their kids to go party?

I'm not judging you personally, but you didn't have your education done and out of the way before getting a career or having kids. The time you spend juggling that stuff is time that you steal from your kids. It's great that you are getting back on track here, but not even your younger self would have looked forward or worked toward this situation. Be honest with yourself and you'll understand.

Answer 4

Why do you feel the need to come on here an justify yourself? Are you not happy with yourself? I find that most people who come on these sites and post things like what you posted are trying to justify in their own minds what they've decided to do with their lives and they come on here for validation.

I have seen so many young mothers come on here wanting to know why they are criticized. Who is criticizing you? Do people actually come up and say things to you? Are you making this claim because of people on this site? Young mothers have been around for a very long time. My mom had us in the 70s and she was 19. Guess what? All my friends, everyone I knew had young parents. I never thought it was abnormal or strange. In fact, my entire family thought I was the strange one for waiting until I was 25 to have my first. I just don't think young mothers are being judged as harshly as you'd like to believe.

I had a friend a few years back. She was in her early 20s and had a 2 yr. old. She constantly complained that she was being judged for being a young mom. NO ONE was judging her. I was around her all the time and had no idea what she was talking about. No one thought anything of it. She was judging herself and projecting that onto everyone else. She was the one who was unhappy that she was a young mom so she just decided that everyone else was also looking down on her.

I also find it interesting that you don't want to be judged but right away you make generalizations about older moms or people who don't have degrees or who aren't married. That hardly seems fair. You don't want to be criticized but you can sit there an make your judgements against others? You don't know their stories or situations.

I think if you're going to ask not to be judged then you need to take a long hard look at yourself.

Answer 5

Well I was 15 when I got pregnant the first time and 16 when I had my baby. I don't regret having any of my kids. But there was alot of stuff that I could never do, that I regret. I never got to go to Prom. I could never hang out with my friends. Nothing. I strongly suggest to any teenager to SLOW down and live your life! Don't rush to become a parent at such a young age! I don't look down on teen age mothers, but learn from our experience's! There is not only pregnancy to worry about! There is HERPES, AIDS, HIV, HEPATITIS A-Z (PROBABLY MORE THAN THAT NOW), SYPHILIS, GONORRHEA, AND GOD knows what else! DONT FORGET YOUR RUBBER!

Answer 6

Since I was a young mother, I know how you feel. Since I am now an old mother (yikes!....lol) I can see why people say/feel this way.

Maybe you are the exception to the rule, but the fact is, is that young parents are not as stable financially, emotionally, etc., when compared to their older counterparts.

It's not that I was a bad parent to my two boys (who I had at 18 and 20), I did the best that I could, but I am doing a much better job with my daughter (now 4 weeks, and I'm 34).

You can mature right along with your children, and learn along the way. As I have told my two older boys now that they have a younger sister, that I will be doing some things differently than I did with them, simply because I didn't know better when I had them.

No matter how "squared away" you are....there will be things as you grow and mature, that later in life you will think differently on.

As long as you're taking care of your children, being a great mom and wife, you're fine, and forget what others say to other people.

Answer 7

Who is being judgmental now?

There is always an exception to the rule. You are upset by peoples comments on here about other young mothers clearly not as driven as you. Age is just a number, but most (not all) of the time it can be used to judge someones maturity & character...I have never met a wise 13 year old! I am sorry you feel discriminated against. You really shouldn't let a few peoples views of other young mothers provoke you so much. You are obviously doing a great job. Keep it up & aim to be a rolemodel!

And you are right people whose answers are not heart felt, opion/fact based advice have no purpose here!

Answer 8

A lot of rage in that post. First off, I don't judge 18+ year old mothers who are getting married and working hard. In fact, I respect them more than many other mothers. I judge 14-16 year old mothers who had sex through their own will to look good, don't work hard, and aren't planning to marry.

And, yes, those who work low-income and have a GED should not bash those who are young and pregnant (though it seems as if you are bashing them).

Though, don't bash we who are not married or seriously dating but haven't gotten anyone pregnant. We choose to live without a significant other because we prefer it this way.

Answer 9

This is very true. I am 24 and pregnant with my first, but my really good friend's baby is already almost a year old...and she is only 19 too! She is a wonderful mom and very attentive to her baby. Most of the girls out there who have 'made mistakes' fully know they did and don't need it rubbed in their face. I agree that if you don't want to answer a question, don't.
Thanks for voicing your concerns! Some people might need a little reminder :) By the way, congrats with your second baby! And good for you for keeping up your education, it is hard, but worth it! Best wishes!

Answer 10

I am proud of you, I was a young mother too--now I am 30, but when I was first prego and even after I had my child people asked if I was married and I said no(father oassed away when child was 7 mths old, people gave nme such nasty remarks and bad looks because i was so young--just be strong!!!