problems with my father; what do i do?

Question

I have had a normal relationship with my father when i was a child, but as i grew up, he started not really knowing who I am. Last summer I started going out with a distant relative(mothers side) and our relationship has progressed very nice. my mother learned about this, was quite reactive, but in a few weeks time she said she was ok with this because she knows and likes my bf. we have been hiding this relationship from my father because we were afraid of the reaction he might give although my bf wanted my father to know (my father has been his doctor since he was a child) . A month ago my bf left for military for 5 months. my mother and I were planning to explain the situation to my father around at this time; but he found it out himself. he said nothing to me, but started shouting at my mother, saying this was nothing but a disgrace, and later told me to break up (which im not planning to). He didn't talk to us that night. So my mother sent an email explaning she didnt have anythin

g to do with it. And that evening he was casually talking to us. but it turned out he had gotten the email today. And he was much more angry than yesterday ( the mail was informative and nothing neg.) he seems to be raged and my mother refuses to talk to him further about this subject.
I need to solve this prob. but I dont know how to start a conversation with a person who only shouts. I need to make things better since I dont have an option like moving out. And I really love my bf. I dont want to make this a family disaster. please help me.

Answer 1

Your parents are your parents and sometimes when it comes to daddy's little girl there is NEVER anyone good enough. I assume the reason he is agree is because of the fact that you are distant relatives. As long as it is further than 2nd cousins, you should be fine. I think stick with your BF... he needs you especially now that he is in the military. they can be some really lonely hard times.

Answer 2

As long as you live under your father's roof, you have to obey his rules. What you can do in the meantime is give him time to cool off, and then try approaching him and talking to him, adult to adult. I'm going on the assumption, that since your bf went into the military, that he is 18 and you are somewhere close in age. Otherwise, if you are younger than 16, I would say your dad is totally in the right and you need to move on until you are older.

Answer 3

I guess even doctors can be controlling and sometimes need anger management training as well hey? You may have to distance yourself emotionally from your father for a while until he at least calms down. He may eventually realize that your decisions are you own (that is, if you are old enough) and if he wants to have you in his life then he needs to drop the conditions.

good luck life is so full of unhappy stuff, if this fellow inspires happiness then the choice is obvious. Your dad will just have to deal with his own feelings because that's what they are, HIS feelings.

Answer 4

follow your heart. my dad hates my bf and weve been hiding it from him for 3 years. if you really love him just go for it!!