Instead of lashing out, shouting, or crying, what can I do when I get really angry?

Question

Also, other than counting to 10 and looking at something with lots of detail. I have heard of those and they don't work.

Thank you in advance for your answers:-)

Answer 1

One of the most difficult things a human can learn to do is to control their own emotions, but once you do you feel like you have overcome a huge obstacle all on your own and it is invigorating.
I suffered the same problem as you and it has taken me years to really understand why I feel I have to throw a fit in order to be heard. I read this book call "The Dance of Anger" and it helped a lot. I recommend it.
Now whenever I get really angry or upset, I leave the situation before I can react. That gives me time to think things over before I say or do something I am eternally going to regret. Then I sit down and write out why I am angry, what/who is upsetting me and I try to name the real issue. Sometimes I am SO angry I can't even sit so I just sit in my car and scream to myself. That way I can get my anger out, and I feel better, but no one is hurt on my behalf. Then once the problem is named, I can determine how to conquer it. I take as much time as I need. I calm down and then I maturely confront the situation. ( well those are all the things I try to do. I am definately not perfect, but I have felt a lot happier since I have been trying to understand myself)

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

You could do yoga but if you don't think meditating will work than you can try watching a movie or TV show that you really like to get your mind off of why you got angry.

I'd also suggest going to anger management meetings even if you don't think you have a problem the meetings will help you control it when it does happen so you don't lash out or shout.

I can understand why lashing out and shouting wouldn't be very good when you're angry but there is nothing bad about crying when you're angry. Crying does relieve the stress of anger so go ahead and lock yourself in your room or bathroom or wherever and cry it out.

Good luck with however you end up resolving this.

Answer 3

Very first thing: walk away!
Then once you have put some distance between you and the antagonist, you can try some other techniques. Usually if we humans respond in anger, we later regret our reactions and sometimes even feel foolish. It is better to make a well thought out response and that is usually extremely difficult in the heat of the moment.
So, you could just say "I have to think about this" and turn and walk away.
Then, here are some things that have helped me in the past to deal with anger: Exercise. Walk like you mean it and stomp those problems right into the ground with every step. Of course, it doesn't get rid of the problems, but it can expend some of that destructive energy that comes from anger. The other thing that has helped me is to write it all down. You do NOT need to ever send this letter to anyone. You can even destroy it once you are finished. But it kind of helps to get all that poison out.
Anger hurts you as much as it does the one you are directing it toward.
The third thing (and this takes a little time) is to try and reorganize your life to be a more serence and peaceful experience for you. This may mean making some large changes, but your life can be improved if you can start setting it up in a way to minimize the stressful encounters that lead to anger. You don't have to change everything overnight. Just one little thing at a time. If someone in your life is constantly pushing your buttons, you may need to strictly cut down on your contact with that person. Life is too short to spend it unhappy, angry and hurt.
The final thing is to isolate what it is that causes this anger in you and examine why you care so much about it. Perhaps you will even have to detach emotionally somewhat from the issue just to save yourself the agony of getting so upset.
I hope this helps. I wish you all the success in the world!

Answer 4

You've already taken the first step- You're looking for something ELSE to replace lashing out, shouting, or crying with. So far, you've only known one way to react, which is getting upset. There are other ways to react instead, so now you can learn how to react in a new way. Simply "not getting angry" doesn't work, because you have nothing to replace it with.

I really don't have the best advice on what you can do instead, but I'll try my best anyway:

Remember that the best way to win an argument/ get back at someone/ make your opponent lose is to keep your cool and just stand there and smile serenely while they get more and more upset that you're being so calm and collected while they realize they're shouting like a little kid.

I was really impressed when a read a kid's book for elementary schoolers. The kid notes that, whenever he gets angry, his mother just stays calm instead of getting angry and shouting too. And because of that, he never won an argument. That stuck in my head, that shouting and crying never wins an argument, and furthermore, someone who's mature and respectable will never lose their cool.

It's the best way to FIGHT BACK. People feel like they suck when they walk away from someone who has just stayed calm and patronizing instead of getting mad.

If you're not actively in an argument, but just getting upset at circumstances in general, you can sit back, and pretend you're a Buddhist monk. Buddhist monks look at everything calmly, and they're too serene to let anything bother them. You could burn down a Buddhist monk's house in front of him, and he would just say, "Look at the lovely way the flames rise. I suppose this means I'll need to look for a new home. What interesting times lie ahead. Ah, look at how the smoke mixes with the clouds!" It sounds kinda silly here, but seriously, it works, it helps you stay calm and get a rational grip on things. And it makes life seem less overwhelming and you feel less helpless and more in control.

Answer 5

there is not something in any biblical account of the crucifixion to help your fact that '10000 angels were crying'. that's only a random fact without foundation basically or fact. countless the human beings on that hill that day purely knew that a guy changed into being crucified (3 adult males really). they could have heard of Jesus the 'preacher from Galilee' yet very few might want to have customary a lot about him. It turned right into a kind of leisure decrease back then. those were Romans or Jews...the Jews were too cowed to face up to the Romans and kind a insurrection even if or not they idea that they had Any probability of prevailing! stop being all accusatory of a collection of those who lived 2000 years in the past and concentrate on residing your existence contained in the perfect way you could.

Answer 6

Go for a run or do some other kind of exercise-it helps relieve stress and and calms you down.
Talk to someone-a good friend or someone else you trust.
Write your thoughts in a journal-it feels good to get everything out and you can say whatever you want w/ out hurting anyone's feelings.
Go for a drive and jam to your favorite music.
I have never heard of looking at something w/ lots of detail-I can see how that would not help at all though!!

Answer 7

My husband always hammers a nail into a board. Then when he feels better he pulls it out. It leaves a hole which shows you that if you lash out at someone even after you apologize for doing so, there is still damage done to the person. After a while of doing this you will learn to control your temper a little more.

Answer 8

Try a squeeze toy. It seems like you do best when handling your anger through a physical act. They have all sorts of stress balls, you can probably find a reasonably priced one at Staples.
This might sound stupid, but sit in a bath tub and blow bubbles. Maybe you don't think it feels like it's working but maybe you will begin to laugh which can cheer you up. Anyway, you'll feel a little silly at first which makes it that more enjoyable.

Answer 9

If you can't control yourself, then you have a serious problem and need help. EVERYONE gets angry and upset at times, but 99% of people don't feel the need to act out, scream, shout, lash out. That's really immature behavior. If you can't stop yourself from doing this (and I bet you are always angry, aren't you?) then get professional psychiatric help right away. Before you end up hurting someone or yourself.

Answer 10

Learn about anger management, try the yahoo search engine. you will have a lot of choices, as to what kind of anger, is it your spouse, etc. On this site there is much reading that you can benefit from , such as deep breathing for one, and many other techniques one can learn, as well as books if you are interested, www.drdefoore.com
There is an abundance of good answers, and wishes, here as well.l