it hurts me to think that my boyfriend has been with others before me, is that normal? how can i get over it?

Question

i have met some of his ex-girlfriends and it hurts so bad to look at them and know he has had sex with them it hurts me as if he had cheated on me..it bothers me so bad that sometimes i cry over it

Answer 1

I've felt that way before, there are some things that have made it harder but in the end I know he loves me and I love him. I've slept with other men and knwo they mean nothing to me now and he reassures me he feels the same, I just have to trust him. Eventually your feelings will pass on their own.

Answer 2

Well, momentary feelings of "weirdness" when meeting an ex are normal. Feeling like you've been cheated on a crying over it is NOT normal.

Everyone has a past. Even if it included other sexual partners, it had nothing to do with you. You need to get past this if your relationship is going to work. Jealous girlfriends are bad, but jealous girlfriends that are jealous of things that happened before their time are generally deal-breakers.

If you find that no matter what you do, you are still obsessing over your bf's past loves, I suggest you look into getting some counseling.

Take care, and good luck!

Answer 3

Those ex-girlfriends are and the experiences he had with them are some of what helped make your boyfriend into the person who you presumably care for. You can either accept him with his experiences and past, or you can reject him. What you can't do, and be happy, is cry over a past you cannot change.

It sounds to me as if you are insecure and afraid that your boyfriend may dump you to return to one of his exes. Well, you have to realize that there is no way you can assure that your boyfriend will stay with you. You have no control over his feelings.

What you can do, though, is try to be confident in yourself. Your boyfriend chose to be with you, correct? He's not with the exes anymore. He's with you.

If he does choose to go back to an ex, or break up with you and go to someone else, there is nothing you can do about that. So you need to work on feeling confident, happy and assured by yourself so that if the worst happens, and your boyfriend dumps you, you have a basis for happiness that isn't built around a "does he love me, doesn't he care for me" mentality.

Think to yourself: what kind of people do you prefer-- the kind who are confident of themselves, happy and content, or people who are insecure, clingy, resentful and jealous? Which kind of person is most likely to get dumped?

Answer 4

So how long have you two been dating? How long have you had such low self esteem. Unfortunately, we don't all marry the first one we have sex with. Well, some do. But, you have to understand that young guys will sleep with anyone. Its just the way they are. Don't cry over what you can't change. If it bothers you that he has had sex before, there are some unresolved issues that either need to be worked on, or maybe you two should go your separate ways. Don't be hurt because he was with them... be happy because he is with you.

Answer 5

Honey... grow up and get over it.
I can only assume that this guy was your first. Yeah, there's going to be a little sentimental attatchment there, but it you're taking it a little far. Shut up and get over it.

I don't know why I'm answering this question. People like you aren't looking for the truth. You're looking for someone to agree with you and comfort you. Sorry. Can't do it. If you keep on the way you are, you're going to be a WHACK JOB before you know it.

Answer 6

Why are his exes and the fact that he had sex with other women bother you so much? The only thing that matters is how your relationship with him is now, and how he treats you. Obviously something went wrong if they are his exes. After all, they are called exes for a reason.
But, if it's bothering you that much, maybe you need to talk to him about it. This might help to ease some of your concerns and angst.

Answer 7

i understand why i bothers u, but u shouldnt let that get to u cuz, whos he seeing now? u obviously! and besides u wont get a guy that hasnt had any previous relationships. just be happy ur together and make the best of it. dont be sad over something like that. unless hes starting to talk to them again or wants to hang out with his ex's then start worrying. but if ur the only hes seeing and spending time with, then be happy and show some confidence in urself.

Answer 8

Hey, my bf feels that too, but I never understood why until now.

Just think a bit. He is your boyfriend now.
That means that from all those girls he prefered you. He thinks you are the best of all.

If you have a good relationship with him, his past doesn't have to matter. In fact, it's better that he had many girls in the past. It would have been worse if he was totally unexperienced and didn't knew what to do to make you feel right.

Trust him, honey. If you broke up with him just for that, u'll regret it badly.

Answer 9

We're not living in an age where everyone waits for marriage so you'll eventually have to get over it. You could find someone with less experience, or you could ask him never to talk about his past partners.

This jealousy isn't normal. It will wear down your relationship if you don't stop. Unless you break up with him and only look for virgins to date (which will be hard) you should just accept it and move on.

Answer 10

It's important you do get over it. I'm glad you recognize that. It will drive you out of your mind if you don't. Look at it this way. I am married. I Love my wife more then anything on this earth. I am her second husband and she my second wife. She has two kids from her first husband. I can't pretend that they didn't have toe curling sex, I can't pretend that they didn't whisper "I love you's" under the covers. I get to see her two kids daily even though they are grown as a reminder that my wife was in her ex's arms creating them.

If I dwelled on those thoughts, who am I hurting? Just me. Then I would start hurting our relationship because I was dwelling on her past. Instead of dwelling on her past and her ex...

I choose to dwell on the fact that of all the men in this world my wife prefers to be with me. That's right... She prefers me to all others! As you BF prefers you. My life with my wife started in 1993. That is my beginning of time. What happened prior is long past with no good reason to dwell on it. She prefers me above all others! She loves me! Try thinking of it that way. Thoughts like you are having are actually damaging to a relationship. When you start thinking that way ask yourself... What do I want to accomplish with this thought pattern. Once your goal is accomplished, you get to stop thinking about it. It will prevent you from thinking in circles. You have no good goal you say? Then you should think about it...dwell on thinking about what your goal for the thought is rather then the thought.

Good Luck