Do I let my adult son back into my home?

Question

Two years ago I left my 30'ish son outside the Salvation Army Rehab Center for six month stay. He stayed less than a month and moved to another state. Last year I sent him money for another rehab center. He was to stay six months, he left after two and moved in with one of his alcoholic friends. Now he wants to move back into my home. Should I let him?

Answer 1

IF you really love your son (and it sounds like you do), NOW is the time to STOP enabling him to continue to be abusing substances (after all, you paid for rehab TWICE, he only stayed a limited time and pocketed the rest of the money).

DO NOT let him back into your home at all. This is called TOUGH LOVE, and yes, it is DIFFICULT, but in reality, you do NOT want to lose your home with an out-of-control, irresponsible, substance-abusing adult child (and yes, he IS an Adult) in the home.

YOU can definitely tell him you love him, want the best for him encourage him to go to REHAB (this time on his own), but you can NO LONGER DELAY his "Learning Experience" (which means, having to take HIS full responsibility for HIS actions/behaviors).

HE MUST confront this demon on his own .. and the ONLY way he is going to put his full effort into the REHAB programs is IF he has already reached rock bottom and there is no where else to go or anything to do that is NOT going to get him killed or homeless or anything else.

ONLY HE can make the choice to go into rehab.

MY FEAR is that if he is ALLOWED BACK into your home at THIRTY (30) plus years of age .. he is going to steal from you, assault/batter you, disrespect your home/self/rules, and you will be left bereft of everything in is quest to CONTINUE to abuse substances. THAT is a real fear -- do you really want to continue dealing with these problems for the rest of your life (right up to the day of your death)?

Answer 2

He does not seem to be too interested in staying at a rehab center long enought to dry out. Has he joined AA? If he is still an alcoholic, how long will it be before the same thing that caused you to try to get him into rehab, will happen again. He is about 32 now, time he got his act together. It seems hard, but he has to decide to do it for himself. If you keep picking him up every time he falls, you become an enabler.

Answer 3

Is he clean and sober? Even if he says he is it doesn't mean much. Go to Alanon. I found that this was the most help to me in dealing with my drug addicted son. He had been in rehab 6 times and finally he has made it to 5 years clean and sober. He goes to a meeting every single day of his life. He has held a good job and is doing great but he will be the first one to say that he is doing good today. He will take one day at a time for the rest of his life. My son is now 37. He has not lived at home since he was 18. I would never allow him to come back home to live. I don't think your a bad Mom if you say no. You have to be able to give tough love which is why I tell you to go to Alanon. They were so much help to me. You have to understand what you are doing wrong in order to be able to help him. Letting him come home to live is not going to help him and it will sure make a mess of your life. Don't do it.

Answer 4

Absolutely not!!! He is 30'ish not 5. Unfortunately he'll have to hit bottom before he stops this behavior. If you let him come home you'll be enabling him to continue what he's doing. I suggest you go to al-anon meetings. They are parents and wives and husbands facing the same problems you are with loved ones with alcohol or drug problems. They can give you the support you need to get through this and stay strong enough to help your son. Helping him to continue this behavior by letting him live with you is not the answer. Good luck.

Answer 5

Nope. Your taking him to the rehab and then sending him money is only enabling him to continue his self destructive behaviour. Tell him no money and no he can't come live with you until: He checks into and stays with a rehab program for 6 months and agrees to continue with AA meetings and such as recommended by his doctor/therapist.

Allowing him to come into your home with out assurance that he is alcohol and drug free is only going to exend the time for him to get help and make your life misserable. He's 30.. he's old enough to take responsibility for his actions and Mom can't keep saving him from the consequences of his actions.

If someone never is held accountable for their actions and decisions, they will never straighten out their life.

Tough decision but only one that stands up to reasonable thought process.

Answer 6

It Depends. What has changed, and I mean ACUTALLY changed in his behavior? If he is showing a REAL effort to help himself or is he looking for some place to live rent- free?

If you really ask yourself I think you will know the answer. It may not be the nicest or easiest thing to do but you know what should be done for his benefit. Giving him money to go to rehab has been a failure. HE needs to prove himself as being genuine and I mean really genuine.

If you want him to continue his destructive lifestyle the way it is, let him move in with no consequences, no questions asked.

Answer 7

i think you have to have tough love. Tell him he can move back only after he goes to rehab and stays until the end. You are not helping him and in the long run you will be hurting both of you

Answer 8

There are continuously 2 aspects to each tale. in case you listened to my mom in the course of the living years you'll imagine i become some drug-addicted whore who stole from her continuously. in the interim, I artwork finished time as a nurse, am a mom of three, volunteers on the homeless protect, and a faithful spouse and Chrisitan. My mom turned right into a bi-polar psychobitch that loved to stay in her delusion international and performance all of us feeling pity for her. satisfied she's lengthy gone now. My factor is that if all of what you're claiming is real, then why the hell are not your valued possessions locked away so it can't be stolen lower back by way of him? To be straightforward, the toddler could were lengthy handed by way of the time he grew to grow to be 18; inheritence or no longer. I left on my own after I grew to grow to be 18, after financially paying ofr myself for college stuff/food/outfits/ect. i become advised i might want to be charged $50 a week as lease once i become 18, so I left. i'll no longer help yet locate holes on your ranting tale, and for this reason could question the reality. Why might want to you enable an human being ot flow in with you and your new husband? looks sorta unusual to me. The boy could were in college, then. it really is time ot face truth and kick the bastard out! He appears like he's on drugs (the position else might want to the money go, why be stealing and specifically, why be lengthy gone for days on end) so get him a piss try from CVS and as quickly because it comes out helpful for drugs, your new hubby will see this nad kick the loser out. for sure divorcing the recent husband is continuously an option determination if he's more effective connected on your son than you seem.

Answer 9

l use to work at Odysey House in Melbourne. This would be a great place for you son. They feed, clothe him, they also have doctors, therapist, councelling and schooling for a job. They are there to help and support him and his family. lts a place where he can make friends and help find a place for him or at the end of it all maybe you might want him home. lts about dealing with his problem and over coming it. lt also teaches disapline, respect and earning trust again. You can visit him on certain days and they have lots of sport activities as well as camps. it doesnt cost you a cent as he will declare his centerlink payment over to them. They supply smokes and take you shopping, they work out bugets too. I would try this first.
(" whatever you tolerate will never change"
Good Luck )

Answer 10

No I don't think that you should let him, because you have given him more then enough. He has to stand up on his own two feet and be a man and take responsibility for himself. If you keep helping him that way he will never do it. I understand that he is your son and you love him, but there comes a time you have to use tough love.