any good one liner jokes around????

Answer 1

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

The more I think of you, the less I think of you.

I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife every finds out, she'll kill me!

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food..... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Why do men like blonde jokes?
Because they can understand them

I'm not an alcoholic
I'm a drunk
Alcoholics go to meetings

bad spellers of the world unitgt!

autopsy is a dying trend

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?".
I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

Do you know I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school
bags, he's bisatchel.

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a
barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".

Answer 2

These are all from the overdue Mitch hedberg: An escalator can certainly not holiday: it might most effective emerge as stairs. You must certainly not see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order signal, simply Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the ease. I should not have a female friend. But I do realize a lady who'd be mad at me for pronouncing that. I had a stick of CareFree gum, nevertheless it did not paintings. I felt lovely well whilst I used to be blowing that bubble, however as quickly because the gum misplaced its taste, I used to be again to thinking about my mortality. I have not slept for ten days, due to the fact that that might be too lengthy I wish to get a merchandising laptop, with a laugh sized sweet bars, and the glass in entrance is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, however it's going to be too overdue.

Answer 3

"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.

"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down the street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute."

"What did you do?" asks the bartender.

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"
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A farmer took the camper off his truck before going to town. As he was going down the road five Blondes were standing beside the road hitchhiking. The farmer picked them up, one blonde got in the front and the other four blondes got in the back. As they were going over the hill the brakes went out on the truck. The farmer couldn't stop the truck and they went into the pond at the bottom.

The farmer and the blonde that were up front come up out of the water a minute later. They kept waiting for others in the back to come up.

The farmer said, "I wonder where they are?"

The blonde said, "May be they drowned."

About five minutes later they come up gasping for breath. The farmer asked, "What the Hell took you so long?"

The four blondes said, "We had a devil of a time getting that ******** tailgate open!"
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hope u liked it

long but funny

Answer 4

If you can't drive that thing pull it over and milk it.
Some men look good coming, some look good going, some look good doing both.
All I can think of.