Step-parent difficulties!?

Question

My husband's ex wife has consistently refused to ever meet or talk to me - she won't even be in the same room as me, and will tell her very young daughter that she's "trying to forgive" me. For what, I'm not sure, as my husband was separated from her prior to us meeting; I've been with my husband for 3 years now; and she's been remarried for over a year. I have a few things - first of all, she and her husband take my step-daughter to church 2-3 times a week. I have no problem with church - it's just that my stepdaughter doesn't like it and will ask me things like if she can come to our house every weekend so she doesn't have to go. I've told her to talk to her mommy, but she says she doesn't want to. Not sure if we should tell her mom this or not...I don't think it would make a difference, honestly. Secondly, she's having a lot of behavioral issues that I think might be helped if we sat down to talk about them; but there's the fact that mom refuses to see me...any suggestions?

Answer 1

I'm a step dad and here's my take:

You are trying to handle an issue that you can't resolve. You see.. you are the outsider when it comes to your step daughter and her mom and her dad. I too have had issues with my step daughters and I learned early on that NO ONE can even give the appearance of be getting between a mom and her daughter. I know this is not your intent (as it's not mine either) but the problem comes in when you see things (from an outsider's point of view) that could be corrected and made better. How do you approach? Well.. you have to go the insider that you can talk with... your husband.

Remember the 'insiders' are the child, the mom and the dad (your husband). You should approach him and explain what you are seeing/hearing. Also have the daughter tell her side of the story to him. Then you have let him (the dad) handle the situation and you have to stand by and support the decision he makes. If he doesn't want to get involved or doesn't see the need to make a change, then you have to let it be that way.

I refuse to treat my step kids any different from my own biological kids and I expect the same from my wife. However the ex wifes and ex husbands can't be held to this same standard and therefore we (second husband/wife) can only influence our spouse and hope they make the right decisions (which may not be the one we suggest).

Good luck and I hope this helps.

Answer 2

Have your husband talk to her and see if she can't act like an adult for ALL of you to sit down and discuss what is best for the child. Have him tell her one more time that YOU did not break their marriage up and has nothing to forgive you for. And tell her their child is suffering because of her childish behavior! Don't know what else you can do if she can't accept the fact the you are her step Mom.

Answer 3

See if she would be prepared to make a chore chart with rewards on the tip of the week...it is not significant the age once you initiate speaking $$$$ signs and indicators. I surely have 4 in my abode additionally. 2 mine and 2 step infants that I surely have addopted as my own purely present day. whilst they first got here to me their dad were doing the final he ought to yet guy oh guy...I had my artwork decrease out. I surely have raised them in view that they have been 3 & 4, now 11 & 12 and a few days it remains a challange. We had comparable themes interior the begining and nonetheless have a 2d right here and there as quickly as we don't see eye to eye on some issues, yet we had to sit down down and communicate approximately it greater effective than as quickly as. It places a stress on the marriage too in case you do no longer make some differences and floor policies. The chore chart worked for starters and likewise I made the greater youthful ones habit slips to tug whilst they misbehaved (like they did in college). green: good; Yellow: 1st warning; pink: 2d warning and pink: dicipline. they actually adjusted alot greater efficient to the belief and regarded forward to pulling thier advantages from the jar on the tip of the week. most of the rewards are renting a action picture of thier determination, play game of thier determination, spend a million day with momma all to thier self, paint finger nails and ft, and so on....they rejoiced, discovered the policies and that i've got been given to yell a good purchase much less. i wish a number of this facilitates you or in keeping with threat components some suggestions which you and your spouse ought to apply. i understand from experiance how confusing it is mixing a kin. we've been mutually 8 years and going good. Alot of our pals call us the Brady Bunch now. good success and don't provide up!

Answer 4

honestly, im a step daughter with the same type issues, and i think you should talk to your husband. if that doesnt work, then you should spend alonr time with your step daughter, and try to form a bond with her. and if her "mommy" doesnt like it, too bad.... at least you have a bond with your "child".
im sure she would enjoy it also!

Answer 5

THE ONLY THING THAT YOU CAN DO IS CONTIUE TO TRY AND BE NICE ANY AND EVERY TIME YOUE HAPPEN TO SEE HER OR HER NAME IS MENTIONED, EXSPECIALLY TO HER DAUGHTER----I WAS MARRIED AND HAD TO DEAL WITH MY HUSBANDS EX ABOUT THEIR SON, AND AT FIRST SHE WAS THE SAME AS YOU ARE SAYING YOURS IS, BUT THEN I PUSHED MY WAY IN, MY HUSBAND DIDNT ANSWER HER PHONE CALLS WHEN SHE CALLED HIS CELL, AND HE JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE BUSY EVERY TIME SHE CALLED THE HOUSE....SHE GOT THE PICTURE AND BY THE TIME WE GOT DIVORCED, I WAS HAVING DRINKS WITH HER ON FRIDAY NIGHTS AND SHOPPING TRIPS WITH THE GIRLS....MAKE YOUR CLAIM, AND BE FIRM, DONT BACK DOWN

Answer 6

have your husband talk to her new husband. maybe he can get through to her.