How do I deal with relatives who belittle me and make me feel worthless?

Question

I cannot stand my bothers sister. Everytime my mother & her get together they have to talk about my life. I am in my 30's who's about to be married. I live with my mother now to help her out financialy. Ever since I can remember my mother & my aunt always talk about everything going on in my life. I didn't want to discuss my wedding plans with her. When my aunt & mom get together they totally humiliate me & disrespct me. They treat me like I am a little kid. My mother is always on her side. I found out that my uncle my moms brother & his family is visiting us this weekend. Now my mothers sister & her husband also want to come. The thing is my fiance is out of town. So I have no one to be on my side when they put me down. My plan was to do some cleaning & organize my stuff. Now I can't do that. Because mom wants to cook them lunch. When they visit they stay all day. They will ask me about my personal life. How do I deal with these people? Mom will yell at me in front them.

I am asian. My people tend to gossip alot. They are very nosey about other peoples personal lives. My aunt get's very upset if she's not informed with everything going on in my personal life. My mother is affraid of her and feels obligated to tell her everything. My aunt is one of those people who boasts about her children and puts me down. She is very jelous of the fact that I am engaged to be married.

Answer 1

you are 30 years old...and probably a fine, smart, educated person....more importantly you are an ADULT...and no one NO ONE should have the power to belittle you. My advice, next time they start talking about your life...politely say "I would appreciate it if you keep my business out of your mouth and out of your conversation"......what u need to do honestly in say in your head "**** THEM"....and their opinions about u. Growing up I went through the same thing with my family....they always talked about how i was not going to be anything and that i was going to send my mother to an early grave. I WAS ONLY A KID....now, i'm 20 years old....i live in an apartment out of the city and i am a full time college student with a 3.48 GPA....I AM damn proud of who i am, regardless of my faults....and whenever i get around my family and they try to talk that **** they been talkin for YEARS......i tell them straight up.... "i like who i am and the decisions i have made, and if u don't like it then thats your problem....but i'm going to be me regardless of what u wanna say"......STAND UP for yourself.....if they don't like what u have to say then O WELL....you've dealt with their **** talking for so long....now it's time to give them what they have been dishing out!!!


much luck sweetie!!!! really i
m gonna pray 4 u!

Answer 2

Remember: You are the only one who can make yourself feel bad, not others. Know in your heart that your wedding is the most special time in your life, and no one can take that away from you. I understand that you want to be respectful, so follow the advice about nodding and smiling through visits with your aunt, but talk honestly about your feelings with your mother. Tell her that you consider the wedding plans something special that the two of you can share. Ask her to include your aunt in some, but not all of the planning, if this is possible. Remind her that you don't want your aunt to feel left out, but you do want to have some special mother-daughter time.

Answer 3

First of all have enough respect for yourself to stand up for you. Family or not they have no right to treat you badly. If they cannot give you respect demand it. Simply tell them that if they ( and by they I mean your mother as well) cannot stop disrespecting you then you want nothing more to do with any of them. This may seem harsh, but better to avoid people like that in my opinion. Who needs that kind of humiliation, especially from family. If they continue stick to your guns and leave go visit a friend. Like someone from your bridal party and work on plans for your wedding. This should be a happy time for you don't let anyone ruin it!!

Answer 4

take a day trip to a spa, for the day and let them talk until they are blue in the face, you are old enough to make your own decisions, go and get a hotel room with a beautiful on suite and enjoy your self, so when every one is walking through the door you walk out saying bye I am off to have a pampering day all to myself, and leave, do not allow your mother to affect you decision, on this or any thing else, she will only do this as long as you accept it, Yell back if necessary. she should only get respect if she gives it, and it is time for you to stand up for your self, and to heck with the consequences, Your marriage is going through no matter what and to bad for every one else. You can only be a door mat if you lay down

Answer 5

Maybe you should have a talk with your mom...telling her that she is your mother and that she should be on your side..that she should help you...i mean...after all you are helping her financially...dont' get me wrong..don't use that as something to hold against her...but..you are her son..she is your mother..you should help each other out

Answer 6

The best thing to do is smile and nod. Try not to see them to much thats all i do.

Answer 7

belittle them back and tell them to stay the h*** out of your life

Answer 8

yeah....that's not good when relatives doing stuff like that....just be patient...soon you will marry and will live your own life

Answer 9

i sorry u r going threw this it really sucks when it is Your mom mine was the same the only thing you can do is leave your mom u r old enough.and tell her u r trying but nothing seems to please her.os just start to please yourself.

Answer 10

respond with "Oh, sorry I can't be as perfect as you."