Problem at work. Gossip lady, back stabbing.?

Question

There is this old lady who used to be nice when I started working here. Another girl, who is now gone, told me about the old lady, but I didn't believe it. Now I have found myself in a problem, where the old lady talks about me, and tells other people that I drank all the coffee and didn't make more in the coffee pot. Or that I can't answer her questions, because I am not good at my job. She also says things about other people when they are not around. I wonder if I am the only person who notices that? Now I have to be very careful of everything I do or say, because I know she will go tell my boss about everysingle thing I do. and I know she will tell lies... I am concerned because I can't believe that she acts sweet to other people, hypocrit in other words. She has told me bad things about our boss! I can't go tell my boss about it, because I don't have the heart to tell those things to the others about her. What do I do?

Answer 1

Just do your job the best of you ability, and don't talk to her unless spoken to.

Answer 2

Definitely have no more contact than is absolutely necessary with this person. Never be drawn into conversations with her or listen to anything rude she has to say about anyone else. I do think, however that discussing the issue with your boss would be a good thing. Tell her there are things you don't feel comfortable repeating, because they are so rude, but you are worried about the negative impact of the gossip in your office, and particularly worried that falsehoods about you could be used as a reason for you not to advance. Ask your boss if they have any advice on how the office can best handle this issue without making it worse. This is your bosses responsibility, not yours.

Answer 3

Keep a record of everything. Put it all in a privage hand written diary that only you see. Never is this woman to even know that it exists.

Document all your actions and her lies and tattling.

Next time she tells on you, strike down every comment she made with the truth.

File a complaint about her to hr or to your supervisor. Write down the reasons why she is so hard to deal with. Connter attack with how she is contributing to low moral around the office.

Treat her with courtesy to her face.

Only take an order direct from your boss or if it has been pre-approved by your boss. While you are at it, if you don't have one already, try and get a written job description for your job and hers.

Absolutely do not give in to being bullied.

Answer 4

People like that are certain hard to work with. This is complicated, because you indicate that her boss would believe her over you. Do you have a co-worker or a supervisor in another department that you trust to talk to about this? Also, watch how the others handle her, you may get some clues. Bottom line is if her behavior is affecting the service your office provides, then something should be done about this. Maybe it has gone on too long because no one has said anything. In any case, I have known people to leave their jobs over others like that, if you choose that road, make sure that your boss knows why.

Answer 5

Tough luck. Believe me your situation is more common than u think, but no less of a headache for you I am sure.

You have to realise its her own insecurity thats rearing its ugly head here. Such vicious people have very negative energies and the most amazing thing is others allow them to get away with backstabbing, gossipy behaviour for a LONG time before anything (if ever) gets done about it. The reason is that most of us are cowed down by their bullying, aggressive nature. In essence, she has mentally won a boxing match against you, and you're already down and out.
Realise this, and get up. Dont fight back it will only give her more impetus to talk about you. Talk as little as possible, and ignore her. Be firm, this is a mental battle more than anything else. She will overpower those she senses are weaker. If you are polite and firm, she will eventually back off.
If you cant mention to the boss all the things you have heard her say about him/her, then go to a trusted colleague and talk it out, get them on your side. Chances are there are others like you who know she's sweet only on the outside but are not sure how to deal with her and would like some support, just like you.
Safety in numbers. That doesnt mean you start a hate campaign, but lets call a spade a spade and move on.

Such ppl are like dogs, they are trained to scent out fear. And thats when they attack.

Answer 6

Wow, sounds like a place I used to work at. Maintain your integrity through the whole thing so you can remain blameless. When she starts to talk to you about others, hold up your hand (like a stop sign) and say, "If what you're going to say is something negative about someone, I just can't listen since I'm really trying to improve what I think about others." This way it sounds like you've made a New Year's resolution (which you can) and she may not feel threatened by your request. Confrontation usually backfires unless you have a alot of others that will support you. People are less likely to change under a spirit of condemnation. Your example will humble her.

Answer 7

I would go directly 2 this old lady and say something 2 the effect of,There is somebody around here that me and other workers have noticed that likes 2 talk behind peoples backs and I was wondering what u would recommend that do", and c what the dumba_ _ says. At least then she will b aware that u r on 2 her little backstabbing sh_t.

Answer 8

I am so sorry that you have this kind of poison in your office. The first thing to realize is that you don't like it being done to you, so it should keep you from hurting anyone by talking about them, as well.

The next thing is to address it respectfully and directly. Confront her while she is seated, then face her eye to eye. Use her first name and keep eye contact to get her attention. Explain how you would like to be friends and teammates with her, but you have this problem of people misunderstanding you. Let her know that you want respect from others and positive words about you while at work. Tell her that you just want her to appreciate you and your work and not have anyone get the wrong impression of you.

If you explain that you need her help to get this respect and positive image, she will IMMEDIATELY get the message and avoid further gossip. Then, you will have her respect and you will have triggered a message for her to "watch her words" in the workplace.

She should not take offense as you tell her, but if she does, stop her and insist that you mean it for EVERYONE in the office to think of you in a positive way. Then it won't be a personal attack, that's the last thing that you want it to sound like.
Use diplomacy and tact, she will remember your words.

Praying for your success and peace.

Answer 9

I think this lady is very jealous of you and the other young girls. It actually seems like she is of everyone. She must have very low self esteem. If I was you I would just leave the room or change the subject if she tries to talk about anyone. Bc she will throw it back on you if she ever got the chance. At least you have what she said about your boss if she ever tries to do anything. Just do not trust her what so ever.

Answer 10

What do you do?

You thank your stars that you have learned that someone who can be mean and backstabbing to other people can also be mean and backstabbing to you. So that next time you encounter someone who is nice to you, but mean and backstabbing to other people, you make a mental note that however sweet that person is to your face, they are not to be trusted.

The other thing you do is accept that reasonable people "consider the source" when they are told something bad about someone they know. If this woman is known around your workplace to be a sweet-faced but venomous and malicious old cow who goes around saying bad things about people, then everyone who knows her is going to consider the source when she says something bad. In other words, people like this woman come to be discounted by those who know them.

You can't do anything about this woman except avoid telling her things she can pass along. You can't do anything about what she says about you except to try to behave in ways that don't give her anything to talk about. All you can do is learn from her and try hard not to become like her.

Answer 11

Suck it up and ignore her. I had the same issue, but thankfully I only talked to this woman on the phone and didn't have to see her daily. But It caused me a lot of heartache. I eventually realized she was wrong a lot of the time, and just trying to make herself feel better by putting down others. I learned how to ignore her and her comments and joke about it myself. Most likely her and your superiors know how she is, but they just put up with it for some reason. That is definitly how it is for me. She's been around forever and they don't want to deal w/ her wrath.