Did i go over the top??with the sex talk???

Question

I am going to be 24 yrs old and my young uncle he is almost 16 yrs old.He lives with me and my husband currently and i grew up with him because my parents took him in.He became to much of a hassel for them though so he came to live with me.As a person he is very shy and quiet only recently coming out of his shell this year.This year he has his first real gf and i wanted to make sure everything was okay because his school only teaches to abstane.So i went to planned parent hood and got packets with safe sex info and highlighted the important stuff.I also put some condoms next to them. I attached a note telling him that i love him and wanted him to wait for the right person for sex but that i wanted him to be safe.

I also informed him that he could talk to me about anything.Did i take the wrong approach?i just wanted to make sure he had all the info he needed?

My parenting skills are not completley up to par because my biological daughter is only turning two.

My uncle is 16 because my gradfather kept marrying younger women!

Answer 1

I think you did a great job. I also think you were brave for bringing it up in the first place (no matter HOW you brought it up).

Answer 2

If his school teaches him abstinence, that mean NO sex until marriage. While it was worthy to encourage safe sex, you are probably sending mixed signals. You send him to a school that teaches abstinence (NO sex), but then say "go ahead", by supplying him with contraceptives?! It is one thing to have regular conversations about the extreme importance of safe-sex, but in my opinion you should have waited to give those condoms to him until he asked you for them, that would have been another way to open lines of communication...In a sense you have given permission to indulge...I don't know if that was what you were trying to do??? You need to decide if you are for or against abstinence and set boundaries from there... He could get a girl pregnant, could you deal with the consequences if that were to happen? I feel you have done a nobel deed in taking him in, but that means being a parent not a friend. ( Yes I know parents can be friends, but the difference is can you make the difficult choices for him even if it is something he doesn't like?) I hope this was helpful! Good luck & many prayers!

Answer 3

Have you tried talking to the school also about talking about safe sex. I mean really if you tell a teenager not to do something what are they going to do? We were all teenagers once. It's great that you talked to him or left information for him and that you cared. Not enough parents do that, when it is a reletive other than a parent thats saying something. Well anyways I think you did the right thing, you may want to ask if he got your note to be sure he got it. but other than that I think your good. You also may want to look up STD's because some of them even if you are wearing a condom they can be spread. I bet PP doesn't tell you that... I don't know but I heard it from a nationally renowned sex talk lady.
www.pamstenzel.com

Answer 4

I think you handled it very well, except for the source of the information. Planned Parenthood is the last place I would have gotten any information to help a young adult handle sexuality. It would be better to give him a copy of the Kinsey report than the 'literature' that PP puts out.

Answer 5

That was great. Your going to be a great mom. I wish my mom would have came to me like that. I got hit and cursed at. That was good you got all the info and protection and gave it to him. And let him take his time and read it freely.With out any pressure or embarrassment. And the note telling him that you love him and your there no matter what will give him the encouragement to come to you with any problem and question. Now he is educated thank to you and he'll pass it on to friends and his girlfriend. Your great!! now let's hope that he listen .

Answer 6

I THINK YOU DID PRETTY GOOD FOR A GIRL TALKING TO A GUY, I MEAN MY MOTHER NEVER EVER AND STILL WON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT SEX AND I'M 25, BECAUSE OF THIS I END UP DOING ALL THE WRONG THINGS.

THERE IS NO BOOK THAT SAYS "THIS IS HOW IT HAS TO BE DONE OR ITS WRONG" YOU GO BY THE KID, NO TWO KIDS CAN BE TREATED/RAISED OR EVEN PUNISHED THE SAME BECAUSE THEY HAVE DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES.
I MEAN YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID NOTHING AND PRETENDED LIKE IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN OR JUST GO AWAY ON ITS OWN AND THEN THE BOY COME BACK WITH AIDS OR HIV THEN YOU WOULD'VE FELT LIKE YOU COULD'VE DONE MORE.

SO KUDOS TO YOU FOR EVEN HAVING THE BALLS AS A WOMAN/PARENT/GUARDIAN TO SAY SOMETHING>

Answer 7

It sounds like you had your heart in the right place by trying to teach this young person about sex but, you have to realize, you are young yourself and still have a ways to go yet as well. I think that this child should go to "his" parents for this information. It sounds like something must have happened tragically for him to be living with you instead of his own parents. I can't imagine how a shy and quiet person would become "too much of a hassle" either. This just sounds very fishy to me. The school system should also be teaching him some of these things but you mention that the school only teaches to abstain from sex, so that leads me to believe he is in a private school because public schools certainly teach about condoms, safe sex, etc. as well. It sounds like you are 24 and trying to become his parent. He needs his family. I can also bet that by the age of 16 he knows about sex more than you realize. I'm sure his friends have filled him in time and time again. I think you are taking on a responsibility that you have no business taking on and, eventually, this could impact your relationship with your husband. Remember, 16 is only a few years from 24. I think this young man needs to be with his own parents. You can't be his mother. Now, with that being said, you did approach it with a mature mind. You gave him the literature. You went to planned parenthood and got your research. But you should have also discussed, not only the situation of unplanned pregnancy, but also the critical dangers of life threatening diseases that he can get from unprotected sex and how pregnancy could easily be the very least of his worries if his GF happened to have been with other people before him or if they just happened to not protect themselves during that moment. He's way too young to be having sex at all. He's not mature enough. He's not experienced in life enough. He has a long way to go and a lot of growing up to do before he can take on that responsibility. He should be informed of all aspects of sex, not just pregnancy. He should know about the diseases too and there are many more diseases he could get aside from HIV/AIDS.

Answer 8

Did you just put them out for him to read? Perhaps try talking with him or getting your husband to do so.

Either way I think you made a good effort but I think more discussion would be better. You don't know if he's going to read the information you provided him with.

Also, does he know about his body and the woman's body? That would be important for him to learn--health wise. I know it gets awkward but this is vital to control any unplanned pregnancies.

Answer 9

I think you did the right thing and I applaud you for it. Abstaining is the best road to teach but in all honesty, its not the road most taken. You worded everything wonderfully and offered an ear to listen, Good Job!

Answer 10

First how can your uncle be 16? Second no you didn't. Shame more parents don't do what you did. Then maybe there wouldn't be so many teen pregnancies in America.

Answer 11

I think the way you did it was fine. Face to face probobly would have been very embarassing for him and at least now he has protection. I admire how much you must care for him, a parent could not have done it any better!!