my friends 17y.o. stepson was discovered to have been for some time sexually molesting his 8y.o. half-sister his stepson is now in juvenile custody and going thru the judicial process but my friend hasn't yet been able to bring himself to visit his step-son, whom he has been raising for the past 9 years
he says he is very upset and doesnt want to visit with the anger he feels which would leave him with nothing to say except for ask questions when no answer or excuse could ever suffice
should he go to visit at least just to show that he still loves his son and is thinking about him?
that is the answer for him, i have. someones's opinion of this may help
2007-01-10 05:13:57 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My Dear,
This is a hard one! Well, he is very hurt right now the kind of hurt that he will not get over or through without prayer. I feel he should not go see him until he feels he is ready. You can't determine that for him, even though he has raised the child for all those years, he feel very disappointed in him and maybe he also feels guilty. He may feel that he, could have done something to save his daughter all this pain. We just don't know all the emotions and feeling he is experiencing right now. Just pray for him, and let him make his moves once he has gotten over the shock, pain, embarrassment & ect.. Please don't push him, just be patient with him. He could maybe write the step-son a letter, that might help relieve some of the pain, until he feels like having a face to face visit. This is a issue that can destroy the hold family Please help him get the right advice and counceling. It is going to take time to heal this wound.
2007-01-10 05:30:00 · answer #1 · answered by babybuds 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His anger is understandable - and probably coupled with feelings of guilt [did I do some wrong to cause this? Could I have prevented it? etc] and of shame.
Suggest he go speak with a counselor to vent his own feelings - then go visit. In the meantime he might want to send a brief letter stating that he will visit when he has come to terms with his feelings but in the meantime he hopes he [the stepson] is faring OK and also getting the help HE needs.
2007-01-10 13:21:03 · answer #2 · answered by sage seeker 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 17 he should have known better. It is understandable that the stepdad cant get himself to go and visit him as he is still very angry. I suggest he waits until his anger subsides a bit (if it does), before he makes any contact with him at this stage. If it were me, I wouldnt want to see him again and that would be quite a normal feeling under the circumstances. He is not the victim here, but the culprit.
2007-01-10 13:34:28 · answer #3 · answered by Kevon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he should go visit the boy, but just not right now. He should wait until he cools down. I know that if anyone where to touch my daughter I would try my best to cause as much pain as I could until I calmed down. So just give him time to calm down and try and be understanding is the only advise I can offer.
2007-01-10 13:24:58 · answer #4 · answered by kozmoegirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
where is the mother and what's her opinion?? i think the dad may also be blaming himself for not noticing, etc. althoughit is not his fault. going to see this child may just bring up painful thoughts.
leave it alone until he has dealt with it himself before trying to help his son.
2007-01-10 13:22:17 · answer #5 · answered by stacy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋