I am a bad person and I know it....?

Question

I can't care about people except for myself. I try. I am used to being on my own and it's very hard for me to stand any other company apart from a man. I have a boyfriend and I see no one but him and it's my choice. I know I have a problem but I CAN'T open to anyone, if I do I can't do for more than 5 mins and then I start thinking about something else to do (on my own). Made a New Year's resolution to make friends and be a good friend, so I posted something looking for friends. Got a lot of answers but I don't want to do it anymore. I am bitter and I know I only care about myself. I know I am selfish too.I am bored with everyone except man or if I flirt (which I usually dont do when in relationship) with men. I know I am a b itch but I JUST CANT CHANGE IT.
I used to be a nice girl. That was long time ago. I CAN'T care for anybody else, I CANT go out. I dont even go ou at weekends, I dont want. I am 27 and been like that since, aprox, 22 yr old.

I am OK at work. I feel genuine sympathy for my colleagues and I am nice to them. But that's work. I have never met them after. Even for customers I am nice, but I just plaster a smile on my face and by the end of the day I am exhausted.

answer to member: what do I want people to say....advice because I feel like s hit

People try to be my friends, they call me, I dont pick up, I dont reply to emails (I tell myself I am going to, but...), I make excuses, cancel appointments,they care about me, but I just CAN'T

My MUM is the same and she is 55.

duh, my mum is actually 48 and she wants to kill me now.

just just talking to her..

Answer 1

I am exactly like you. People suck. The world sucks. You are lucky you have a boyfriend you can be with. I, too, only spend time with my girl, and that's IT. I have a handful of acquaintances I see RARELY, and most of the time its just me and my girl.... and our two dogs. and thats all I need. Get a dog, and your life will be complete!!! Trust me, we're onto something big here!!

Answer 2

You aren't a bad person. Some people are very social and others aren't. I would be curious to know what was going on in your life when you were 22. Did you go through a bad relationship or did you lose someone very close to you. It sounds like maybe you avoid relationships with other people because if you never start them, they'll never end. I may be totally wrong, but it's the counselor in me I guess. Don't look down on yourself, you are who you are. If you want to become more social, you need to start very slowly. Find someone who has a similar interest as you. Something that you are passionate about. Maybe you can find someone else who has the same social problems. I know you don't just care about yourself and you don't need to be bitter. You are not being selfish. Maybe you just haven't :hit it off" with anyone yet. Keep looking. You obviously want to meet someone or it wouldn't bother you so much. Just take it slow. Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 3

No sweetie, your not a BAD person,

The fact you feel genuine sympathy, you do care about life, just not when it's around you.

To a point I am the same way. Take your resolution, and start with a couple hours every three days, spend with 1 person, and maybe it will progress from that.

Let me analyz for a min. and tell me if I'm wrong, It's not that your AFRAID of people, it;'s just that when your around them you feel STRESSED. I am the same way. It is a problem you have to work on within yourself. And I have been battling with this for a while, so my advice is just take it slow. And if you really want to ( I don't like therapists) but find a counselor and just talk over some stresses about people.
It's okay. Your not alone on this feeling.

Answer 4

You're not alone! Im 24.I have a boyfriend and 2 kids and they are the only people I can stand to be around. I dont feel bad about it though. I used to be very social but that only brings problems. We dont hang out with other couples and we both prefer to be around eachother and our kids than anyone else. I have friends however I dont ever make plans because I know when the time comes I will back out. I even back out of going to my friends kids birthday parties and family gatherings. As soon as i get there I'm making excuses to leave. I listen to peoples problems and im sympathetic but I really couldnt care less because I have my own problems. I dont feel bad about this though. I've been thru so much and have been betrayed by people I never expected. Mostly family, so its hard for me to trust. You cant help how you feel. Just accept it.

Answer 5

I don't understand what the probelm is Are you happy aas you are? Do you hurt anyone else by being the way you are? If the answer to the first one is Yes and No to the second one then do not be concerned. You are simply happiest in solitude. Just don't become dependent on your boyfriend as if that finishes you may be at a lose end. You call yourself a ***** but that can only be if you are nasty to other people and that doesn't seem to be the case. Like yourself as you are and maybe you will make friends anyway without even trying.

Answer 6

Dear koteczka,

It's not true that you are a "bad person". Most or all of the behaviors you talk about are symptoms of Depression. I remember when I was at my worst, I could only care about myself. I wanted to care about others but I couldn't do it.

I was so worried about my self that there was no room left to care about others. Wanting to have friends and yet not picking up their phone calls is a symptom of depression. So is feeling that you are a bad person even though you don't want to be that way.

If you really were a "bad person" you wouldn't want to change.
Please see a good counselor, and see a doctor about getting on medication. Your symptoms are severe enough that you need to be on medication to help you feel better, have more energy, and have hope so that you can follow the directions of the counselor.

I know that there are counselors out there that may not fit your needs, but please be patient and if the first counselor is not right for you then look for another one. The good news is that there is help for you and that you don't have to continue to feel this bad.

God bless you honey. If you believe, ask Him for help and He will help you. He will help you anyway but for some reason He will help you more if you ask Him.

Answer 7

We all evolve. You will too. It's inevitable. I would try to cultivate some sense of social awareness before you hit the big 3-0. You'll be surprised at how trivial your attitudes become later ... especially if you lose somebody significant in your life like a parent or a child.

It's all relative to how you view yourself. Your feelings don't make you a bad person. They're just the way you feel. You're way to young to write yourself off. Give it some time and try to put a little more living into your life.

It will all be over before you know it and what you do now determines the options you have available later. I was once like you. Woke up one morning to find that I had become old and most of what I knew wasn't there anymore.

You would think I'd have noticed it leaving me.

Answer 8

You say that you are bitter ...
"About what?", we're left wondering.
In any case ...

When one harbors resentment, one poison's one's soul.

It also sounds like you:

1. lack self-esteem & are frustrated ...

How to Find Real Happiness
- Think of Your Spiritual Needs
- Keep your Life Simple
> Happiness and Self-Worth
- Hope--Vital to Happiness
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2001/3/1/article_02.htm

How Precious Your Life IS!
- “Not One of Them Is Missing”
- “The Very Hairs of Your Head Are All Numbered”
- “The Product of Intelligent Activity”
- “He Will Deliver the Poor One Crying for Help”
http://watchtower.org/e/20050201/article_02.htm

Hope--Where Can You Find It? :
- Does Hope Really Make a Difference?
- Why Do We Need Hope?
- You Can Fight Pessimism
- Where Can You Find REAL Hope?
http://watchtower.org/e/20040422/article_01.htm

2. may be somewhat housebound ...

Bringing Phobias Under Control
- Tormented by Phobias
- When All Eyes Seem to Be Upon You
> Controlling Social Phobia
- Watch Your Breathing!
- When Fear Leads to Panic
http://watchtower.org/library/g/1998/7/22/article_01.htm

Some Questions to ask yourself:

Is your bitterness at the root of why you are avoiding everyone except your bf & coworkers?

Are you: projecting what someone else did onto other people, or, perhaps even holding someone responsible for something you Assume to be true, but have never Thoroughly checked out?

I >guess< that you are bitter about something that 1 or more women did --or didn't-- do to --or for-- you?
Have you considered all th options in dealing with that bitterness?
Hate is Toxic! One can't truly love themself, & be full of hate at the same time. So I suggest working on the cause of your bitterness. Maybe the following articles have something in them that will help you ...

Why They Resort to Violence ...
- How to Solve problems Peacefully
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/1998/11/1/article_01.htm

How to Make Real Friends :
- We All Need Friends
- Satisfying Our Hunger for Friendship ...
http://watchtower.org/e/20041208/article_01.htm

Alone but Not Lonely :
- Why So Many Lonely People?
- When No One Will Ever Feel Lonely Again
- What You Can Do About Loneliness http://watchtower.org/e/20040608/article_01.htm

Another thing to consider may be your upbringing. When young children are not shown empathy for their feelings, they can grow up disabled of having true fellow feeling --really connecting-- with other people. Bonding & the showing of empathy to a baby/child are Extremely important in the development of those parts of the brain that govern their use.

Answer 9

I admire your homesty & courage to admit yourself your faults, I can identify with some of the things you said. You have really helped me becos I can see my own flaws also, thank you. but you're not a ***** sorry & you're very HARSH on yourself
I feel your heart is closed to protect it from hurt & you have no love for yourself & naturally others that doesn't make you a bad person. You're very kind & better than alot of people I've seen. At least you don't go round blaming others which in itself is a good in you. I guess now you can start improving & correcting your flaws & working on yourself to become a better person. You have done half the work by identifying your problem & now you have to change them for the better. It doesn't matter about the past, everyone has flaws,EVERYONE becos only God is perfect. & everyone can change for the better. Sometimes we need someone, a shoulder to cry on.Please don't feel alone. You have friends here.
with luv

Answer 10

Well, if you have only been this way for about 5 years what happened? Somehting must have happened to make you change so drastically! You need to look into you past and see if you can resolve that issue and then you will be able to move on in a much happier outlook on life and on people! I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 11

hi . . .
you say you have only been like this since you was 22? something obviously happened then? thats your key, you need to deal with what ever it was that happend, deal with that and i garuntee you will be able to move on and socialise without it being an effort. im 27, had a bit of a **** time myself, id like to think i hav'nt been selfish though! i spent years by myself, loving my own company, going to work then sitting in the same 4 walls. it really does'nt do you any favours. in the middle of last year i had a nervous breakdown. it was the best thing that happend to me though, i got myself professional help, someone to talk to, someone to listen, someone to advise, most important of all someone who understood! and i now feel on top of the world. i also dont really like my own company much. good luck in the future!! x