Why do women change their minds about wanting kids?

Question

There are lots of sensible reasons not to have children: damage to teh body, damage to the environment, damage to the career, sex life and finances. What makes women sho say they don't want kids all through their twenties and early thirties change their minds? Motherhood is a big deal! It involves lots of cooking and cleaning and driving to soccer practice and worry. What makes this suddently attractive to women of a certain age?

I'm 31 and I am very tired of people telling me I'll change my mind. Surely if people want a child to care for there are lots of neglected children in foster home, why the big attraction of making new ones?

Answer 1

I think women realise they want kids when their life is not going anywhere anymore and they are hoping that their kids will do better. The minute you realise you want to have kids, you can also be assured that your life has reached its end and you've finally grown up. Me, I never wanna grow up and I want more out of life than running around disrespectful, annoying kids (even if they are mine). If you don't want kids then don't worry, you are not meant to. Anyway, if you had kids what would happen when you get old and you become a burden on them? They'll shove you in an old people's home and visit you maybe once a month. I might end up in an old people's home but at least I won't be sad thinking that my own flesh and blood can neglect me so much that I ended up here. I'll end up there out of my own choice. I have a friend who thinks the same way and we decided that we will go to an old folks home together and think about the good days of our youths together. Don't worry what other people say, I get the same funny looks when I say I don't want kids, it is none of their business, you just enjoy your child-free life, they are only jealous because you can take holidays even in January and they can't cause the school term time rules their lives.

Answer 2

I think some women feel lonenly or they find someone mature enough who wants a familly.. Yes most women don't want kids because body can change, responsability that comes along with a baby, some wait to have kids and they have fun first and finish a career.. But all women are different maybe you are okay alone and don't need any kids around you and that's fine because that's the way you feel and I respect that as you should respect everyones opininon and as human they can change their minds...And maybe if you decide one day to have a kid aorund you will be trying an adaopet kid.. But a real mom is the ona that enjoys maternity and yes there are too many kids in foster homes and it is sad because they are there becouse mommy change their mind too... So I don't know what else to say if you are happy the way you are good for you just let other people to change thier mind too !!!

Answer 3

When I was your age people kept telling me the same thing. I don't think that there are a lot of women who end up changing their minds by the time they see 40 looming on the horizon and suddenly decide to have kids. By our 30's I think we pretty much know what we want. At least that's the way it's worked for me and every other female friend I've had who never had kids (I am 48 and child free).

I have noticed that women usually either want kids right from the getgo or never want them. I think people tell you that you'll change your mind because they still see women who don't want kids as selfish freaks, and they want to continue to think highly of you, so they chalk it up to your immaturity or something like that and figure that you will "grow up" one day and want a child. So they don't say that because there are so many women around who suddenly see motherhood as attractive and change their minds. Just talking from my experience.

Answer 4

It is a bit arrogant of people to assume you will change your mind. Lots of women are perfectly happy with making that choice. However it must be a bit daunting to consider the fact that you might not be able to have children and as a woman's chances of sucessful child birth reduce as she gets older it's not surprising some women just panic.

Me, I always wanted children, have two beautiful girls and can't imagine how empty and pointless my life would be without them. My sister in law never wanted children and I don't think will ever change her mind, we are both perfectly happy with the choices we made and I have no doubt you will be too. Ignore the idiots who aren't so confident with theirs so think everybody changes there mind as they go along.

Answer 5

When I was in my teens and my early 20s I wasn't sure whether I wanted kids or not. Then I met the man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We got married and now after 7 years we have an 8 month old baby boy. Making a decision to have a child is an important decision to make, and yes you have to take everything into consideration from finance, to when you will return to work, body changes, but it is all more than manageable (in my case anyway). I am back to work full time (full time hours spread over 3 days a week, tough but manageable) my husband works full time. We both have good incomes between us, so neither one of us wanted to give that up, nor did we need to as we both manage to look after the little one, and work, and squeeze in our weekly session of tenpin bowling and a game of golf, so socially we have not been affected. We have a good baby (we are lucky indeed) and we can take him everywhere with us. You need to manage your time wisely and you can fit practically anything in your life. I sometimes wonder what I did with all that spare time before the baby arrived. Body wise, I am almost back to exactly how I was before having the baby (weigh 1.5kg more than before the baby) so not much different at all, no stretch marks, flat tummy, so really my body has not exactly been affected, and even if it had been, so what.
Women change their minds about having a child when they have done things they wanted to do - travel, education, meet the right person. When they are satisfied in that aspect of their life achievement, they want more. They want to pass the knowledge they have on to somebody else. Somebody that they call their own - a child. A child you love more than you love yourself, love more than anybody else in the world. There is no love like the love for your child. Something you personally (and the first respondent to your question) cannot relate to. It is only through experience that I speak. Now, in reply to your question - why don't people adopt? Adoption is not for everyone. There is something deep in our instincts, a biological implant - a natural, maternal instinct to produce a child of your own. Although those that adopt a child do love their children unconditionally, there is that element in their personas that will never have the bond that a biological mother and child share. Not only has a biological mother made a child, carried it for 9 months, gone through the labour and delivery, breastfed the child, but can also see herself and the father in that baby. The bond is unique and those that have been through it will understand where I am coming from. Now, the 1st respondent to your question is obviously happy as she is now, but whether she will still feel the same way when she is older (not necessarily lonely on her own) will be shown long term. That certainly is not a reason in itself to produce a child, but she or even you may feel different in the future.
Worrying for a child comes with the territory, as well as all the other things that you have mentioned. However, the joy that you have with your child far outweighs the 'negatives' if you can call them that at all. It is an individual's choice whether they choose to bring a life into the world - whether it is their own fear, or insecurities that they won't be good parents or a fear of a lifestyle change that they are so afraid of (not necessarily selfishness although there may be an element of that too), it is best that a person does not bring a child into the world. Like you already said, indirectly, there are many children that are neglected emotionally and financially. My child however, will not economically burden the society. Me and my husband both work, so our child is not unwelcome in the society any more than the first respondent to your question. I keep referring to her as she was the only one that replied to your question at the time when I commenced replying. The decision rests with you, but like I previously said, there is no love, like the love for your child. The smile, the laugh, the first steps, calling you mommy, different stages of development - it is overwhelming. Good luck in whatever you decide in the future. I wouldn't have it any other way. Done a lot of things in my life (so far), travelled the globe, got degree and a postgraduate diploma, but by far, my biggest achievement is the little boy standing in front of me, looking at me with his big eyes!

Answer 6

Not all change their minds, but most do. There is actually a human tendency to need to be a mother or father. Some people feel very strongly about this and other don't feel the need. It is hormonal in nature and also stems from the natural desire to leave a legacy. It is strong for both men and women, so eventually both change their minds, most often, though not always.

Answer 7

Well, it's commonly called your "biological clock" but for some women it really does exist. You feel time passing, you don't feel as independent any more, and so on. I never wanted kids till I turned 30, then my little baby bell went off and that's all I could think about. I think you're very wise for knowing what you want and sticking to your guns. Once you have them, you can't change your mind. I wanted my kids, tried for a long time to have them, and I love them very much. But there are certainly days when I don't want to deal with all of it! Good luck to you.

Answer 8

Some people just get to the point where they realise that there is something more out there, and for some women that is having children. I had my first at 32, and believe me, if you ask everyone I know, I would be the LAST person they thought would ever have children. If you don't want them, that's fine, maybe your not there yet, maybe you never will be. You probably heard this statement a lot, because I know I did; "You can't understand, unless you have children." Believe me it is absolutely true.

Answer 9

i do have my own child and all that goes with it but totally understand why you dint want one and i wouldn't have a another child of my own by would care or a child who hasn't caring family

Answer 10

What could be better than to have a smaller version of yourself to love and care for ? Take it from me you soon forget about cleaning up poo, cooking and cleaning the first time a littl'un says 'mummy/daddy', or says something funny, paints you a picture.

Women are caring and loving - and when you get fed up looking after your husband you want someone else to pamper.