okay so me and my bf have been going out for about 81/2 mo. The thing is, i had potential feelings for another guy and he found out and broke it off. we got together in like two days. i really like him and regret even having feelings for teh other guy. But now my bf doesn't seem as affectionate and he's starting saying things like:"I can look off the menu but i can't order". And " i can look but not touch".Guys: is it because he was turned off by me because i possibly liked another guy? He is still affectionate when we're alone but not really around other ppl anymore. Why do u think this is? Is there any way to go back to the way we were before do u think? Also, he is the baby of the family and his mom is really protective of him and she despises me now for hurting him the way i did. She is a big influence to him and i know i will have to convince her i've changed. But how?(she's a very stubborn person)and she has told him she doesn't like him seeing me anymore. what to do what to do!!
2007-01-10 02:19:36 · 12 answers · asked by danichika 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This is exactly why getting back together with exes normally doesn't work out.
You may have dealt with your feelings and gotten over your extra crush, but he hasn't. His feelings are still hurt, he still feels insecure, and he is afraid of getting hurt again. Likely, he isn't affectionate with you in public anymore because he doesn't want people to look down on him when he gets duped again. He doesn't want to be seen as the lonely little puppy that always goes back to you, regardless of what you do. Chances are, he has no idea how to act around you anymore, or if he can trust what you're saying.
Also, not only did you break his trust, but yes, you broke his mother's trust. She doesn't like the way that you treated him, and I don't blame her. If you had a friend who was in an unhealthy relationship, but kept going back to it anyways, wouldn't you discourage them from pursuing it as well? Now multiply that times 1000 and you understand how she feels.
You cannot go back. There is no "rewind" button, as much as we may wish there were. You either need to deal with these issues with your boyfriend and his mother -- talk it through, be open and honest, communicate your feelings, and apologize for letting them down -- or you need to cut him loose and let him stop tormenting himself.
2007-01-10 02:29:11 · answer #1 · answered by wnk 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He isn't affectionate around other people anymore because he feels embarassed. He basically had to tell his family and friends you weren't together because you liked another guy. Thats a big let down and a big source for embarassment for a guy. Now that you are back together im sure he is getting alot of pressure from his friends and family saying he is crazy for taking you back. Unfortunately there isn't a quick and easy answer especially when someone feels betrayed in a relationship. The only thing you can do is give it time and keep reassuring him that what happened was just a mistake. Tell him you had just felt stressed lately and didn't know what you were thinking. Hopefully nothing happeded between you and this other guy in the two days you were apart or it may take a very long time for him to come around. If there was sex involved with this other guy then you have a long road ahead and may have to consider the fact that he may never come back to where you were before and at some point you may have to just move on and start fresh somewhere else to find some peace in your life.
2007-01-10 02:28:31 · answer #2 · answered by lookingwesttexas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The trust is gone and it will take a long time to get it back. If u really love this guy then u will try to gain his trust back. It will take a long time to achieve this. He may forgive u someday but he will never forget. As for the way he is treating u well u asked for it and now if u want to be with him then u got to eat crow. As for his mom good luck. Being a mother myself if someone did my child like that and they came and talked to me and explained how they made a mistake and didn't realize how much they loved my child and was sorry they didn't realize it before and would do anything to make it up to me, then I would give them another chance but they would still have to gain my trust back.Good luck and remember this next time u have a wondering eye, is it worth loosing what u already have?
2007-01-10 02:48:41 · answer #3 · answered by Shery W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's not much you really can do to be honest because sucking up to the mother will definitely not work if she is stubborn. All you can do is give it time because once the trust is broken it's hard to get the relationship back to normal. I cheatted on my boyfriend when we went out for 5 months and I told him the truth, but he didn't care because either way I cheatted. So we gave it another chance and it's been 8 months since we broke up, but we still have trust issues. We're getting better, but there's still that thought for him it's," Is she still cheatting on me?" for me is "Is he ging to cheat on me now?" He didn't seem that affectionate at first neither, but he got better as long as I gave him time. I didn't check out other guys, I stopped flirting, I invite him to go out wiht me everytime, and when we fight I try to stop it before it gets bad. By the way you gotta be the affectionate one now until he returns back, but even after you have to show him the same amount of affection as you did when you're trying to get him back.
2007-01-10 02:29:59 · answer #4 · answered by Mina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he was hurt and disappointed in you for what happened. Whether this is right or wrong, it is up to you if you want to turn him around on this. Be sincere with him, and tell him for no reason sometime that you have decided that he is the one for you, and that you don't need to look at the menu, because you already ordered, and he is the one you ordered. Do something like that. Let him know that he is special to you and that what you did had nothing to do with him and didn't mean that you didn't want him. Do things that show this, not just tell him. Show him what he means to you, and he will come around, no matter what anyone says.
2007-01-10 02:27:14 · answer #5 · answered by wanderingphotographer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely. If my fiance had a crush on another guy right now, even a small one, I'd leave her and never rethink getting back together.
Liking anyone more than a friend is cheating, and once a cheater is always a cheater. You can't help but lose all your respect and your trust in your significant other if they grow feelings for someone else when you're with them.
2007-01-10 02:24:15 · answer #6 · answered by biggestperlnerd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are the police not in touch? From what you're saying, your boyfriend has been assaulted two times. What are his mothers and dads doing, to not point out what are they doing to get him help together with his tension / eating illness? this is in simple terms too huge so you might restoration. If his mothers and dads are unwilling to help their son, perhaps you will desire to disclose to a counsellor or a depended on instructor at your college.
2016-10-30 12:53:45 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well that is understandable! You really hurt the guy! I think that he is just still very hurt and untrustworthy, you have to give it time! Just try to prove to him that it was a mistake and that you love only him and noone else! He needs alot of reassurance, the trust needs to be built up again!
2007-01-10 02:26:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why are you tellin us this...sounds like you two and his mom need to sit down and have a talk...you prolly didnt like the other guy just was attracted to him and just because you were didnt mean ne thing was gonna happen...you will just have to get use to those comments he makes...tell him after 8 1/2 months why would you throw things away for some guy you prolly dont rly even know...you know what i mean?...just sit down with him and his mom and talk to em...everyone deserves a second chance...do somethin special for you bf like take him out...by him tickets to his fave concert...buy him somethin nice...send a basket from the flower shop with things in it that guys will like...like sodas chips candy...that sorta thing...write him a poem...sing him a song and dedicate it to him...but thats all ive got...hope it helps...Good Luck!!
If you have ne more questions my email is
kendralewis08@yahoo.com
if you live in the US...it would be easier for me to explain things over the phone and i can call you sometimes...im know at skool for my good advice...so yea...i know how you feel ive been thru this same situation plenty of times!
2007-01-10 02:28:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel? trust, once broken is hard to regain.
2007-01-10 02:24:39 · answer #10 · answered by thelovebuzzard 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋