Advertise yourself (if you were placing an advert in lonely hearts)?

Question

hi just for a laugh so i dont want no thumbs down *pokes tonuge out*

if you were placing an advert in the lonely hearts column how would you advertsie yourself

heheh some good answers here and funny ones.

keep them coming

Answer 1

Attractive classic sports car, 29 years old, very little mileage on the clock and only a few lady owners.... Suit's slim lady owners....Runs well and is a pleasing ride.....

Answer 2

My name is Unknown. I am thirty-three years old. I live in the American Garden Buildings on West Eighty-First Street, on the eleventh floor. Tom Cruise lives in the penthouse.

I believe in taking care of myself, in a balanced diet, in a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now.

I use a deep pore-cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water-activated gel cleanser, then a honey-almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub.

Then I apply an herb mint facial masque which I leave on for ten minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine.

I always use an after-shave lotion with little or no alcohol because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm, followed by a final moisturizing "protective" lotion..

There is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping you and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable: I simply am not there.

Answer 3

Clyde Barrow seeks his Bonnie Parker

Answer 4

fat colombian billionaire seeking a small gathering of blondes, must know their place, and be skilled in the art of all-over body massages (making sure every nook and/or cranny is worked on) must be willing to participate in "home movies"
there will be travel oppourtunities possibly every week or so (depends on how the FBI are doing)

payment will be in the form of a suspicious white powder

Answer 5

Petite SW/H female, 5'2 and 90 lbs, looking for a BIG man to spend relaxing nights with. I have dark brown hair, green eyes, big boobs. Not into one on one relationships, just want someone for fun and good times. Love to explore and play. Seeking a professional man who loves to work and takes his job seriously but not himself.

Answer 6

Gorgeous Fluffpot seeks admirer!

Answer 7

lad seeking lass
enjoys phisics chemastary and biolagy will bend over backwords to help if asked dos not force my oppinion on any one am a loyal folower

loves films and can not wate for a good movie to come out

Answer 8

18 year old size 10, brown hair, brown eyes, likes to cook. seeks guy aged 19-25 for friendship maybe more. will only accept a one to one relationship no cheats please and overall looking for someone to cuddle with and hide behind when watching horror movies xx

Answer 9

Big, foul mouthed, sarcastic bloke with decent sized nob available to any living woman who doesn't want to change him and is amenable to sex on a regular basis.

Answer 10

SWM, 5'11 athletic, brown and blue. Easy going, attractive, laid back, educated, and humorous. Looking for an honest and intelligent SWF who knows who she is and what she wants.