Make me laugh?

Question

Has anyone got anything funny to say, funny stories? jokes? go on.. make us laugh :) im bored at work!

ah.. you're all rubbish! lol

you're getting better! :)

Answer 1

The owner of a large factory decided to make a surprise
visit and check up on his staff. Walking though the plant, he
noticed a young man leaning lazily against a post.
"Just how much are you being paid a week?" said the owner
angrily.

"Three hundred pounds," replied the young man.

Taking out a fold of notes from his wallet, the owner
counted out £300, slapped the money into the boy's hands, and
said "Here's a week's pay -- now get out and don't come
back!"

Turning to one of the supervisors, he said "How long has
that lazy bum been working here anyway?"

"He doesn't work here," said the supervisor. "He was just
here to deliver a pizza!"

Answer 2

Differences Between Men & Women
LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."
NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.
CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.
OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Answer 3

Get to work. If you get caught you could be fired. No funny jokes but I love reading them and laughing.

Answer 4

Builders joke: A duck walks into a pub, goes up to the bar sits down and puts his work tools on the seat next to him. The barman goes up to the duck and asks what he would like. The duck replies "Cheese and onion sandwich and a pint please mate" The barman thinks wow a talking duck and serves him the sandwich and pint.

The next day the duck comes back into the pub "Cheese and onion sandwich and a pint please mate" and as the day before the barman gets his sandwich and pint.

This happens for the next two weeks.

One day a Circus master comes into the bar promoting their show. The barman greets him and starts to chat. "Hey im glad you have come in here" said the barman.
"oh yes" the circus master says inqusitively "whys that?"
"For the past two weeks everyday without fail a talking duck comes in and orders a cheese and onion sandwich with a pint"
"thats very interesting" said the Circus master "tell you what, next time the duck comes in, heres my number you get him to give me a call I might have a job for him"

The next day the barmans cleaning his glasses and the duck walks in and orders a cheese and onion sandwich with a pint. The barman gets it for him and says " here I had the circus master in here yesterday" passed the duck the number "he said for you to give him a call"

The duck looked at the number and said "really what does he need with a plasterer?"

Answer 5

How do you make and Xmas Tre Cry??




Take out it's Baubles

Answer 6

What do you call a donkey with three legs?




A Wonkey

hehe

Answer 7

Look in the mirror

Answer 8

A man walks into a bar.

OOWWWW!!!!!!

now go back to work before you get fired

Answer 9

why? get on with your work

Answer 10

Change your ID from 'jjj' to 'laugh'

And here I have 'made' you laugh.
ha ha ha ha ha ...............