Mother bought our home for us, it is our first home. She will not take our money to repay her, but she wants to live with us now. She wants to make the rules of our home and we are in our both, my hubby & I, almost 40 yr old. She has stolen from & lies to use when she stayed here for 2-mo after we renovated & moved in. What should we do? She refuses our money, but now it's a Catch-22. She gave it with STRINGS ATTACHED, when we believed she was only being motherly. We are buying homes for our sons to inherit, and we would never do such a thing. We even told them they can live in them now, at ages 18 & 20, and we will keep them in our names & pay the taxes until we die and they inherit them. I can't understand some people, sometimes even family. God bless her, I do love her dearly. No Matter What in the Past.
2007-01-10 00:41:26 · 17 answers · asked by Jewel 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
if the house is in your name then you make the rules not her tell her she can live with you but its your house and you set the rules ifshe has a problem with that make arrangments to pay her back ininstalments she is not being motherly she is being controling
2007-01-10 01:10:06 · answer #1 · answered by hallowsevenight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I live in the country so this is easier for me to fix. I would build her a small home close to yours or buy her a manufactured home and place it close to your home. If you don't live in the country this could be a sticky situation. What ever you do ... even if you feel you are doing it for your own selfish reasons... (which by the way are not really selfish) make her feel like you are doing everything you can to make her happy and comfortable. Tell her you know she would like her own space and that you are going to help her with the things she needs but at a different address. After all... you're thinking of her happiness... :) Good luck and God bless!
2007-01-10 00:50:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put your foot down. If the house is in your name. Then it is yours!
Tell her to go get her own house, nearby and visit often, but all of the three generations in one house? No way!
Do what is best for you and your marriage. She will balk a little but in the end she loves you and will accept your position. But she can't do that if you don't take one. Align together you and hubby and make up your minds how you are going to deal with it.
Talk to the boys and tell them what's up so if it becomes a family saga, at least your unit is aligned together.
Just gave my kid his down payment and tons of money with no strings attached. That is what you deserve and nothing less. Don't accept this as her right! It isn't she's being a tyrant.
2007-01-10 00:53:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunate situation, but it sounds like you have the means to move to a place of your own. It might be your only solution.
The most important piece of information I got from your explanation was that this is YOUR mother. My husband and I have a standing rule that when something needs to be addressed each will handle their own family. This is something you are going to have to work out with your mother. She will place undue blame for the hard feelings on your husband because he's an inlaw instead of seeing the problem directly.
I've been married 30 years. This plan has always worked better for us. Moms will listen to their own children better than the spouse of their child. You need to step in and square your mom up or tell her you will move to your own place.
2007-01-10 00:58:58 · answer #4 · answered by momwithabat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to move out and get an apartment. No one should have to live in a house under someone Else's rules.
You are adults and she obviously does not respect that
It reminds me of my father who always dangled a carrot in front of us and when we bit, he pulled the strings.
I walked away from his control and had a more peaceful life.
It is better to be in a place that you don't own and have peace of mind then being under someone who wants to control things.
If she is lying and stealing, then you know there is a real emotional problem.
Do you really did this complication in your life.
Let her live there, you should move out and now...
I am truly sorry that you did all this work.
You must tell her no she can't live with you or you will walk away.
Also have the house put in your name if it isn't already..
2007-01-10 00:50:01 · answer #5 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO no no no. Under no circumstances would I accept these terms. Especially as you are in your 40's. Sit her down, and tell you that. She is obviously very scared about being on her own in her old age, but surely she knows that you will look out for her, even is she stays somewhere else. you have got to sort this out now. Have a family meeting (with the two kids), and tell her exactly what you have told us. good luck.
2007-01-10 00:58:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the house is in your name...sell it and move to a 1 bedroom apartment for a little while, then buy a new house. If it's in her name, you may have to move to one of your other houses or a new one. You need to decide if you are willing to live like this and if not, do something about it. Good Luck.
2007-01-10 00:52:01 · answer #7 · answered by Michele B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move out and get a smaller place for a while-where there is no room for any more people then when she gets situated somewhere else,buy a better house or bigger place again. There is no way that I could ever live with my mother again
2007-01-10 01:58:43 · answer #8 · answered by Urchin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a similar situation. My in laws brought us a house and it went wrong. In the end the best solution for us was to move out and get a morgage. It might be worth thinking about.
2007-01-10 00:48:37 · answer #9 · answered by donna c 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know...in the past the extended family was quite common. It has only recently become a throw away society. Take it from a person who lost their parents life is very short.
2007-01-10 00:48:23 · answer #10 · answered by Wat Da Hell 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋