feel more involved without upsetting my stepdaughter
2007-01-09 22:52:20 · 35 answers · asked by M M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
that is so lovely that you want to be more involved and dont want to upset her yay for you. their should be more fathers/step fathers around like you.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if it was me id try having a talk with her saying your very happy for her and you love her very much and that you totally understand her wanting her real father to give her away but you'd also like to be involved.
maybe you could walk her down the ill and then her father could step in for the giving away part.
or maybe you could both walk her down the ill and both give her away. this is not an uncommon thing theses days.
good luck to you i really wish you all the best of luck.
to all the ppl who are telling this poor man basically to get over it. shame on you . this girl should be so lucky to have two fathers that love her !!! just think of all the dead beat fathers out their who couldnt give a sh**
2007-01-09 23:03:56 · answer #1 · answered by trcyhanna 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How about suggesting you do a reading at the ceremony? I have just been to a lovely wedding where two readings were read and they were lovely. You could find one appropriate to your situation and this would give you an opportunity to state your love and loyalty to your step daughter. Another option, is asking to do a second "father of the bride" speech after the biological parent has done one. This would give you the chance to say how proud you are etc; I'm sure your step daughter would not be upset by these suggestions, she will probably feel very touched that you would want to participate.
Best of luck to you x
2007-01-09 23:09:18 · answer #2 · answered by lisaandmax 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel really sorry for you. You have been there for her through the good and the bad times and probably look upon her as a real daughter.
I have over the years brought up quite a few kids who, when it came down to the line, wanted their birth parents there for that special moment. And it sucks big time! But I love each and every one of them and I know that they love me and trusted me to understand; which is in itself amazing.
As everyone is telling you, it is her day.
The couple getting married often get a distorted view of their wedding day.
Probably the most wonderful gift you can give her and one that you are in a unique position to give, is to be a behind the scenes reporter for her. The person who records by photo and by writing it down all ,the little moments that the official photographers and aunts don't catch.
You will be in the thick of everything that is happening and when that secret tear grips your heart, you will be the one who reports it and has the best memories of the day because you were free to sit back and watch from the sidelines.
Trust me, they can be a wonderful place to be if you can manage to keep your sense of humour intact.
2007-01-09 23:21:26 · answer #3 · answered by Christine H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I quiet understand the way you feel about this, but first consider your relationship with her and how you genuinely feel about her. Don't let this bother you in any way. Naturally its the real father that should give a girl out in marriage except if the circumstance does not permit it. But then this is not so.
Tell her her wish will be done and ask her what she expect of you for the day, go ahead and do it if its practicable and everyone will be happy there after.
Do what you can do for your real daughter on her wedding day except the giving away, believe me you will feel happy like a proud dad that you are anyway.
2007-01-09 23:11:27 · answer #4 · answered by Junior 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. How would you feel about asking her if you could do a reading at the ceremony or be involved in some way like that?
I don't think there's anything wrong in saying to your step daughter that, while you totally understand her decision, you feel a little bit left out and would like to be involved. If she's got any sense she'll bite your hand off and will probably give you a long list of jobs to do!
2007-01-10 01:16:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm a step-father. I know the day is coming where my step-daughter will marry. I like to think ahead and so i brought this subject up with my step-daughter.
What i found out was that she was confused on this herself. Because she was afraid to hurt either me or her real father in making the choice.
Since she has a relationship with her father although strained, i told her i didn't have a problem with her father giving her away at her wedding. I actually encouraged it.
Her mother didn't like my suggestion when she learned of it. All I said was it's not your wedding day it's hers and we'll do all that we can to assist. That shut her up, and we haven't discussed the issue since.
Get over the being left out feeling. You'll be at the wedding, sitting with your wife and enjoying your step-daughter's big day.
If she has a line, then you'll stand in it beside your wife. It's her father that will end up sticking out like a sore thumb.
2007-01-09 23:14:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is wonderful that you love and care for your step daughter - but you should never try to take her real father's place or begrudge her the right to put him first as a father figure. Just let her know you want to help out, and ask if there is anything she needs done. If she says now, then just be there to support her and her mother and leave the rest alone. That's just part of being a step parent.
2007-01-10 01:14:53 · answer #7 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to grin and bear it and let her father have the glory of the day. Difficult, I know, - ask her if you can be involved as an usher or something. Your daughter may be worried about how to incorporate both you and her real dad in her plans, so I would tell her that you're happy to go along with what she wants. That will make her feel better and probably very grateful that one 'dad' isn't going to give problems.
Good luck, just smile, be proud.
2007-01-09 23:02:05 · answer #8 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing you can do. No matter what you do your still going to feel left out. Just remember if you had a daughter and she had a step father wouldnt you as the real father want to give her away? Ask her if you can have the second dance with her, that way youll still get feel important.
2007-01-09 23:00:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
just support her. he is afterall her real father and you knew that becomming a step-dad wouldnt replace the dad she already has. if yo uare close and an important part of her life then maybe you can ask her if its ok to pick a song at the reception for you and her to dance to. then pick something that tells her how you feel about her. I'm sure that she would love that and doesnt mean to leave you out, she just wants her daddy on her wedding day.
2007-01-09 23:59:23 · answer #10 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋