I have been seeing this guy for about 4 weeks now and we have a great time together - chemisty is great - we have not had the girlfriend/boyfriend chat yet and I am starting to feel a bit vunerable about it all and not so great. I do not intend to bring it up with him as worried about him running for the hills/me making fool of self etc. I am wondering if I should try and cool off the sex for a bit and see what happens? any views are welcomed!
2007-01-09 22:06:30 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's not so much about the sex as the fact that you appear to becoming dependent on this relationship already. (and why are you having sex so soon into a 'relationship' anyway?) It is difficult to 'back off' when you are already having sex and will just send out mixed messages. However, I hope you have an active social life apart from him and go out loads with friends and family (I don't mean to meet guys) because the worst thing you can do is sit by the phone hoping he will ring. the biggest put off for a man is a needy woman so keep independent and things should work out fine.
2007-01-09 22:16:43 · answer #1 · answered by D B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are trying to close the stable gate after the horse has bolted. You should never have sex with a guy you see as a potential boyfriend for at least two or three weeks of dating. Kissing and even some heavy petting fine but not sex. What message does that send out to him? It says that you are easy and will jump into bed with people. Not exactly girlfriend material.
You are having sex now though so playing games will just make the situaltion worse. Don't be afraid to bring up the boyfriend-girlfriend issue. You have been seeing the guy for a month and have also been sleeping together. I am suprised the conversation hasn't come up before now. I would say that is a week one or two discussion. Earlier if sex is involved. Don't mention love though or he will run a mile.
Good luck.
2007-01-10 06:36:03 · answer #2 · answered by John D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to stop having sex but pay attention to his behaviour, men are straightforward. If he says things like "I'm not ready for a relationship", or "let's keep it casual"... don't try to find hidden messages, he's just interested in the sex part even if he might really likes you. The time you spend together is important too... do you go out, cinema, clubbing, restaurant, parcs..? If not it's dangerous cause you might get used to that routine which is not part of an healthy relationship. If you feel like it's not going anywhere maybe stop having sex but not for just one week (!!), try to see him less, live your own life and eventually things might change. But remember that in an healthy relationship you don't really need a girlfriend/boyfriend conversation, things happen naturally, if you don't feel comfortable it's because you know deep down that you're not getting what you want. Good luck!
2007-01-10 06:48:15 · answer #3 · answered by Tina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, dont cool off the sex. That is certainly not how you want to bring about a relationship talk. Just wait and see. Is a talk really necessary?
2007-01-10 06:24:34 · answer #4 · answered by kalimiel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are already starting to feel 'vulnerable about it', then much better to have a proper chat with him now than leave it and be made to look a bigger fool later on if he 'run to the hills' then.
2007-01-10 06:12:51 · answer #5 · answered by Richard701 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you holding hands walking down the street? if not the relationship will go nowhere outside of sexual gratification. a man can show you respect but he has to show you tenderness for his heart to be in the relationship. if you aren't holding hands yet, then reach for his. if he pulls his hand away and goes for a hankey or something in his pocket you know the score. if you already hold hands then your going to be OK.
2007-01-10 06:22:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you are having sex but no other usual things associated with a relationship, fun nights out, him paying you lots of attention, doing things as a couple then yes he is using you for sex
2007-01-10 06:13:02 · answer #7 · answered by D D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always wait at least a month before i sleep with anyone, then they know your not easy and they alos know that you arent likely to go off and have a one night stand, plus i know i can trust them by then
2007-01-10 09:51:19 · answer #8 · answered by ♥Tallulah♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gut feelings are usually accurate.
2007-01-10 06:38:51 · answer #9 · answered by edison 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeeee dont stop the sex..... else you're history mate
2007-01-10 06:15:37 · answer #10 · answered by Rohan K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋