My boyfriend and I have been together for roughly 2.5 years, but only "Serious" for about a year.Recently, he has made me part of his family, his brother & sister are good friends of mine and his dad calls me his daughter some days. His friends are my friends too...but we are both at extremely stressful points in our lives and he is out of town alot working for his dad's company. Just recently, we have gotten extremely close, but along with that, everyone has been asking us if we are getting married...including family. He told me he is considering marriage to me, and I just froze. The day I met him I knew I wanted to spend my life with him, but all of a sudden, I am terrified? What's wrong with me?
2007-01-09 19:58:57 · 16 answers · asked by rissagirl05 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I know I'm in love with him...but I just realised that a little while ago...I have always loved him and I know I want to marry him, but for some reason I am completely avoiding the subject and pretty much hiding from the aspect of marriage. I call his house "home" and have many things there, including my cat, "Monkey". So I know I love him and I am comfortable with him, but I can't figure out why I keep getting snappy when anyone brings up the subject....especially when I'm with the man of my dreams and I still feel that way after almost 3 years....
2007-01-09 20:07:20 · update #1
It's funny...the same thing happened to me. When I met my (now) husband...I knew he was the right one...and it scared the crap out of me! I was young (21) and my reaction was to run in the other direction. So I distanced myself and he pursued. It wasn't a game...I was just scared. Well eventually we got married and we have been married now for almost 27 years. Sometimes you just know when it's the right guy....good luck!
2007-01-09 23:58:11 · answer #1 · answered by 14b32bbdog 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I consider marriage a largely outdated institution - to me it has no value. Love is something else, and if you are happy with a man, the big change is bearing his children and buying a house together... building a life together, and growing as a couple.
I am not religious, so the godly union is not an argument for me. And given that 50% of marriages dissolves, why add insult to pain and force people to go through a divorce, fattening our lawyers and slowing down the justice system???
it should be a 5 years contract, renewable at the end upon common agreement.... so if you renew, you throw a new party, if you don't, no-one has the pain and betrayal.
In case you do get married, just don't forget the marriage contract... think far in the future, to avoid being stuck in the present.
2007-01-09 20:09:11 · answer #2 · answered by OneLilithHidesAnother 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nothing is wrong with you! Marriage is a huge step. It is one thing to think about it in the abstract...like maybe one day...but when talk becomes serious, that is a whole new issue.
And the timing of all this is obviously all wrong. Maybe you guys should wait until this stressful time ends and he is home more often before talking about it. At least, that is what you could say to him if he brings it up again.
2007-01-09 20:09:50 · answer #3 · answered by Kate A 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I desire i might want to grant you with some sparkling reduce resolutions to the topics you're dealing with, yet there is no longer some thing that is going to be easy about attempting to keep this marriage jointly. the only ingredient I honestly could say is that a minimum of you seem to have a sparkling head even as it consists of searching on the problem. you've an knowledge of the very shown reality that your backgrounds are probable having an result on your courting, and also you're probable accurate. Is it achieveable to keep your marriage? perchance, yet provided that both one among you're prepared to artwork extremely not hassle-free at it and also you may probable choose counseling personally and as a pair. i'd be very straightforward with you in that if he's 36 and nonetheless pastime hopping, that for the duration of itself is going to be an significant impediment to conquer with none of the different aspects entering play. My superb difficulty, and yours too probable, is for the little ones that are contained in the middle of this mess. think ofyou've got to truly seek for your coronary heart and instincts in this, and performance a severe verbal change about your lives, leaving each of the blame out. (you may locate it no longer achieveable to objective this with no mediator at this factor.) If both of you are able to supply it one hundred and ten% and teach it via moves and by no ability basically words, then you definitely may have the capacity to make a go of it and keep your spouse and youngsters jointly. If no longer, then i might want to very strongly inspire you, to get counseling for your self, otherwise, you're probably to proceed making an identical options and behaving interior an identical way that has delivered you hence far. no longer putting you down in any respect, in spite of the undeniable fact that it really is obtrusive that those moves and behaviors have not delivered you happiness or positioned you the position you become hoping to be. You, and your little ones deserve a more effective useful life, and that i'm particular you do not pick your little ones ending up in a difficulty like you grew up... it would want to take position very extremely...2 childrens, no pastime, husband no longer operating, you adult men struggling with... it truly is as a lot as you to step as a lot because the plate and do what you may do to break this cycle. best of success to you.
2016-12-28 14:40:21 · answer #4 · answered by rebman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be cold feet at the reality of it, because getting married is a huge deal.
Perhaps you should explain to him that you need time to wrap your mind around the concept before he thinks you just don't want to marry him.
Do you have fears from seeing other unhappy married couples, or perhaps some marital dischord in your family? You might have to dig deep to figure it out. If that could be the case, try to remember, this is your relationship, and you and your man are in charge of where it goes and how you get along.
I hope this helped.
2007-01-10 03:42:36 · answer #5 · answered by Happy Wife 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are probably just scared of hte prospect of WOW, marraige. It IS a huge deal. I recently got engaged but I always knew I wanted to marry him. I never 'froze.' But now since the engagement I have moments where I'm like, holy cow, we are really going to do it! I think it's just natural.
I suggest though that you try to talk to him openly because if you are 'freezing' up that may not be a good sign.
2007-01-10 08:18:05 · answer #6 · answered by Mimi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe because this is finaly the real thing where marraige could be on your doorstep so to speak so maybe your scared or something. Or you might not be entirely ready for it just yet!
You need to take some time and think about whats going on and where you would like this relationship to go to.
I know it can be annoying when family members keep asking about the marraige question but just take in the fact that it's really good that his family like you and they are looking forward to you joining thier family!
2007-01-09 20:08:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sleep on it..give yourself time. Maybe you have changed in the last 2.5 years and just don't want him like that anymore? Or maybe they're just pre jitters of admitting to yourself that you're finding your soul-mate. Give yourself time, you'll know which one iti s. Also, be honest with yourself while your trying to figure this out. Good luck!
2007-01-09 20:04:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dated a guy for two years before I met my fiance. I thought we were right together...until he proposed. That's when I knew he was just not the right person for me. Perhaps your heart is trying to tell you what your mind doesn't want to hear. Then again, it may just be commitment anxiety. Listen to your gut feeling. Tell him how you feel, it may help things a lot.
2007-01-10 02:47:19 · answer #9 · answered by orangeflameninja 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is wrong with you. You aren't ready yet and there is nothing wrong with that. Just let him know that you want to spend your life with him but that you aren't ready to take that step yet. In the meantime try to figure out what is making you feel this way.
2007-01-09 20:05:24 · answer #10 · answered by patriciamariegrant 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋