How to overcome trust issues?

Question

I love my BF to death. Ive known him for 8 years or so, but we've been dating since the end of summer. Im not sure if it's something about him, or me being afraid of losing him, but at times I have no trust in him. I worry he would cheat on me, and it would just kill me. Ive talked to him about it, and he swears he would never do that, but I worry. There is one girl particularly, who on his myspace I read things like "oh we need to get wasted together, and oh jess will be there" like its some big deal she is there for him. Is it just me being paranoid? Hes never done anything to make me worry, but I do. Now im worried about him going to this party. Also, he has this girl as number 1 on his myspace, and me #2.. i know its stupid stuff, but i worry.

We are a couple of years out of high school. This girl we went to school with, so i understand hes friends with her, but I got thinking, what if he had slept with her some crazy drunk night, or this girl likes him and he liked her at one time, and she doesnt know hes seeing me. His myspace still says hes single, and i said something tonight, and he said he would change it... he also introduces me to all his friends as his girlfriend, and takes me to parties with him. Im not even sure if he saw the comment about the party yet, and who knows if he will go. I really dont want him to, or if he does go, let me go with... but we'll see. We're going out tomorrow, im gonna talk to him about it then.

I think the biggest trust issue with him is that growing up, in high school we both loved each other, and wanted to be together, but he would say he wouldnt leave me, and then get a girlfriend, and then ignore me... I guess, due to us getting together "officially" my entire life changed due to this... and i was willing to make those changes willingly to be with him, and I guess, i gave up SOOO much, i worry what if he ****** it up.. or i guess im saying, is he willing to give up as much of this world as i have?

Answer 1

He's going to get laid at that party my dear. He is DEFINITELY going to cheat on you. No man puts a woman he's dating behind a woman he just met (myspace or not) unless he wants to have sex with her. Nope, he is dogging you.

You need to find a way to sneak into the party after it's been going on for about 30 minutes to an hour. You'll see everything you need to see to settle your mind.

Then again, do you want to know the truth?

Answer 2

its not stupid so much as insecure... is this someone that he knows personally? or just someone from myspace? tell him how you feel about the myspace thing see what he does... if he doesnt do anything about it maybe there is a reason to worry... i have major trust issuse. I give people just eneough rope to hang themselves by and if they dont then i begin to trust em more..... why is he going to a party with out you? that doesnt seem very fair at all. Your not married he should b taking you to parties... Maybe your havin so many trust issues cause your not ready for this commited relationship... sit back and relax and figure out what you really want in life...... I compleatly understand these little things bothering you! I wish you the best of luck.. im on yahoo messenger if u would care to talk

Answer 3

Trust is such a spectacular thing. We give it to people almost commonly, like trusting the car at the stop sign is going to stop, or the people we love actually do love us back. Once trust has been broken, though, it is so hard to give again.

It concerns me that if you are his girlfriend, then I would expect you to be #1, but that is not to say that she is a really good friend that he has had through his lifetime. However, to distrust him about something like this seems unmerited, wait for it to play out. If he does something inapropriate with this other girl or you are not invited (are you going to the party, btw?) then trust has been broken. Otherwise not trusting him would be a sign of insecurity on your part.

I really would like to know what happens in this, but trust involves trust, so by him not doing anything as described in your question would seem like you have a preconception that he is going to do the wrong thing, and therefore have some trust issues. Let it go and enjoy him, otherwise he might feel tied up by the relationship and even more pressure to get away from it.

BTW, your instinct is not wrong, either....my husband was in a study group at his college and the other male dropped out, so it was just my husband and these two other women. I demanded that he not go to their house to study but to find a mutual place instead. Call it instinct or intuition, but you aren't wrong for feeling what you do, especially when another girl seems to be in his life on the computer right now.

It's a very good question and I wish the best for you, but let him do his thing, if nothing happens with this other girl, then the best for you....if something does happen, then this is not the type you want aroung with you.

Answer 4

Sounds like he may not be as serious about the relationship as you are... I am not saying that he doesn't love you, or that he is cheating, or anything... I mean that when you are in a relationship, usually the person you are with is pretty much #1. Unless of course, you are in high school or junior high or something.... then that would seem pretty normal to me....
Unless he gives you a reason not to trust him, though, I would be very careful not to treat him like you don't trust him. That would push him away quicker than anything.. Good luck I hope things go well for the both of you...

Answer 5

You've known him for 8 years, and you should know him better than anyone does. If you have known him for eight years, and you still can't trust him, there must be some issues that you both have. Practice opened communication! Be honest to each others! And if he is not willing to participate and be honest. You should move on as soon as possible. Period.

Answer 6

anyone who goes out drinking with some hot chicks or hot guy's is most likely going to eventually cheat, find a man who isn't into parties all the time. Drunk causes stupid mistakes

Answer 7

trust issues come from insecurities. is there something that you are insecure about in yourself? perhaps you feel inferior to this girl? believe me, i KNOW how you are feeling. the thing is, trust is not something that should be taken lightly. you don't automatically gain trust - it is earned. if you have doubts, confront them. i know this sounds cheesy, but seek out what you are fearful about. analyze it and see if it's a reasonable or unreasonable reason do have it.

are you attending this party? if not, why? if you can go, go. you may have fun and just enjoy the moments.

Answer 8

Go with him to the party and find out just who she is. It would be hard to tell what is going on if she is only a name on myspace.

Answer 9

i think you are just being paranoid. you shld talk to him about it and be cautious, but you shld not worry too much, but instead give him the trust that he deserves. my girl feels like how you do often. and it affects our relationship when she does not trust me over the smallest of things. even though i have always been extremely faithful to her. understanding and acceptance is important too. i wish you all the best and hope you will be able to solve those problems objectively. but at the end of the day, you've got to trust him.

Answer 10

Unless he was flirting with this girl don't let it bother you. However you should be at least #1 since ur his girl and all. Tell him to change his top 8 or top 12 whatever he has.