I have talked to her about this. She says she doesn't. I tried letting her know that I remember being 15 and developing crushes on older guys. I don't think I am getting through. They text each other everyday. He also texts the rest of the youth group. What should I do?
2007-01-09 17:51:29 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I have confronted the youth director and expressed my concern about how it looked. I wanted him to know how I felt, and how it looked. I thought maybe since her dad has been locked up since last Sept. and won't be out until 2 more years, that maybe she had someone to confide in. I don't want to push her away. I am confused.
2007-01-12 01:56:06 · update #1
Talk to her about it and tell her he is too old. Then talk to him and express your feelings and don't want your daughter to get hurt.
2007-01-09 17:55:45 · answer #1 · answered by Tenn Gal 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can ask the Youth Director and Pastor for a quick meeting and explain you think your daughter has a crush on the director and you just want to make them aware so the director can avoid doing or saying anything misleading "because you are sure they wouldn't want her feelings hurt". You can just keep it a light non-confrontational conversation as you are all concerned about her spiritual/emotional health. I bet this isn't the first time they've encountered this type of thing. The Pastor may even have personal experience to pull from as well and can advise the Youth Director with some ideas. Just check her text messages first to make sure it isn't anything more serious. If the Youth Director isn't aware of the crush he may appreciate your letting him know so he can head off a possibly uncomfortable situation. It also will give him the opportunity to maybe bring up a girlfriend or something to make it clear he's off limits to any of the girls since there may be other girls with the same crush. If it turns out the Youth Director is feeding into the crush, you've solved that problem by tactfully making both him and the Pastor aware that you are in the loop and just by meeting with them, you are pretty much saying it's not acceptable without being accusatory. I know how important it is to keep kids involved in these activities and I wish you luck because you don't want her to lose interest.
2007-01-10 00:54:55 · answer #2 · answered by Cash 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Please do not consider your daughter's "hurt feelings" or "popularity" at this point. I know it is a thin line that parents walk when they want to do the best thing for their child, but also not disturb their "image" in the eyes of their friends.
However, as a parent, you must put that aside for right now because this could lead to something much more unpleasant than a tarnished image for her in the eyes of her peers. At the very least, it could become embarrassing for your family within the church. On a darker level, a 21 year old youth director should not have any reason to IM his "puplis" for the very reason that they are youths!
All information for youths should be directed first through the parents or through an open acess forum for all to see, not behind a closed or private door such as IM. Even if the texts are totally within limits, I really quesiton that mode of communication...not only to protect the kids, but it does not look good for this young man either and some kids may in fact believe that HE has a crush on THEM by communicating this way.
I would talk to your pastor first just the two of you and then address it with the young man in this manner..."My daughter seems to have taken a liking to you and I have talked to our pastor about how to handle it with her at home. I just wanted you to be aware of it so that you could handle it appropriately here." Chances are, the pastor will speak to him about it and IF there is anything remotely "off" about his behavior, it should correct itself rather soon!
Please take care.
2007-01-10 01:50:44 · answer #3 · answered by imoffmynut 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think humiliating your daughter by telling the youth pastor is such a great idea, explain to her that you understand crushes and they are a perfectly normal part of life. Keep the trust between you and do not read her messages with out her permission. If you feel the text messaging is not something the youth pastor should be doing you should take it directly to the head pastor.
2007-01-10 01:22:49 · answer #4 · answered by Shadow Kat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, about the no longer liking boys section, she's you're daughter. Did you tell your father and mom about each of the crushes that you had? If she does have associates, it really is sweet. yet perchance she's no longer spending time with others because she feels that they don't extremely like her. Have any of them referred to as to ask her to do some thing? that may be the concern, is that she's waiting for them to call. teach her that to make a chum, she needs to be a chum. meaning she needs to %. up the phone and dial their form. If all else fails, visit a counselor. attempt to make it a set ingredient, and go in there consisting of her so she will be able to no longer be on my own. yet let her comprehend that if she needs to confer with the counselor on my own, without you round to take heed to what she has to assert, then that option could be open.
2016-12-28 14:33:43 · answer #5 · answered by allgaier 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well a 21 yr old should not be texting these young kids
I would take that up with his boss.
Yes, girls have cruses, it is normal. My brother is 7 years older than me and I had crushes on ALL his friends but they didn't call me!
it will pass as most crushes do but the texting..address that
2007-01-10 01:30:26 · answer #6 · answered by Willow 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's perfectly normal for you daughter to have a crush on an older guy. Yes, there is a six year age difference but I don't think anything will become of it. Of course, you may want to mention something to your Pastor addressing the "text issue." Tell him you are just concerned.
2007-01-10 00:42:10 · answer #7 · answered by Teddy Bear 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
talk to your pastor about this. You can ask for ideas. Mayve have a meeting with the pastor and your girl. Other ppl need to know that there may be a problem. ALso I agree..talk to him. Make it clear that you will not alow this to happen. Watch what the texts say. Even thought hes in church..that does not mean he will prey on your child. Keep your child safe. I think theres a way that the cell phone company can keep track of what the texts are. DOnt let her know if you do it...becasue she will find another way of talking to him with out you knowing it
2007-01-09 21:32:24 · answer #8 · answered by I hate stupid ppl like you 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you do not feel comfortable with this youth director texting your daughter, even if he does text the other kids, he needs to stop. If he hasn't stopped after you discussed this with him, you need to talk to his superior - you should anyway. Talk to the other parents and see how they feel. What is he saying in these text messages?
2007-01-13 17:35:38 · answer #9 · answered by wendygirl1000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, what youth director sends text messages to youth? Something about that ain't quite right. You need to talk to the youth director, express your concerns and if he needs to relay any messages he is to speak directly to you.
Think about it, what he wants or needs the youth to do,t hey have to confirm with their parents anyhow. He needs to talk to the parents.
2007-01-10 07:03:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, that sounds so familiar, with my daughter. Since you have already talked to her and she denies it (she will, of course) my opinion is that your next step is to talk to the youth director and give him a heads-up. It probably will embarrass your daughter, and that's unfortunate, but he needs to know he should watch what he says to her.
2007-01-10 04:59:13 · answer #11 · answered by moonshadow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋