DO abusive boyfriends ever change?? can they and how???

Answer 1

NO. As hard as it is, you need to accept it. People who really love you have your best interests at heart. Someone looking for your best interest would not hurt you intentionally. Repeatedly abusing (physical, emotional, sexual, etc) is not unintentional. Anyone in that situation needs to get out immediately, no matter how hard it is. Good luck.

Answer 2

They say they don't and that's probably true. A great change requires a great event, but even that doesn't change the basic personality. One should note that abusive persons tend to have the same types of personalities and the same views of women. These specific types of personalities are specifically resistant to maturity and to change. They are manipulative and tend to believe that their problems are the fault of others. If you don't see that the problem is within yourself (meaning within the abuser), you can't change yourself.

I've met a few folks with anti-social personality disorder and I just believe that no matter what you do, they just won't change. Everyone else is the problem.

Some folks don't have an abusive personality, but end up losing it for some reason, and hurt their significant other. Those people aren't abusers and the "abuse" may be a one time thing.

The other types who engage in abuse have major structural problems in their personalities. They won't change. Get away from them now.

How do you know an abuser? They are manipulative and put you down all the time. They start by controlling your access to friends and family and the bank account. If you question them about this, you are the problem. They are never to blame. But if there is abuse, the next day everything is going to change and they love you and can't live without you. And you want to forgive them, because you are scared to live without them. They thrive on your insecurity. And then the cycle continues.

If this sound familiar, get out and find help for yourself.

Answer 3

I seriously doubt it, there's something deeply wrong that goes on in an individual that abuses their partner. I've been through this myself & I wasted 2 years of my life for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I will admit that I have gained wisdom from the situation. For alot of men they have a deep problem with women--this could stem back to their mother. Their mother may have never gave them attention, etc, etc. For many others it's a lack of a male figure in their lives, a father is missing alot of the time. Boys really need a strong male figure in the home growing up. Some of them are selfish & want to control their partners by any means--they don't want you, but don't want you to be happy or see anyone else w/ you. There's a million different reasons why some men abuse their partners. However, if you keep letting this continue it will only get worse & you will only lose more of your precious time hurting & feeling lower than dirt. Yes, you can find someone else--this person isn't the only person that loves you or could love you. You're #1, & no one else is going to take care of you like you will. Please take care & please try to find the strength to abandon this relationship. Here's something to read.

Answer 4

Sorry girl, these guys can never change, not with you around. The only possible way would be for them to learn a real hard lesson from a jail cell. After being sent there for a life sentence then their attitude change and then they realize what they really had and start regretting all they ever did in their lives. They usually turn to God and become the sweetest people you would ever meet.

Answer 5

No. Not very likely. I know of a certain man who changed after being thrown in the slammer for hitting. That was after his wife endured 25 years of abuse. Abusive men CAN change, but part of the abuse pattern is that they always blame others for their problems, so it would take a pretty major wake up call. I would not advise any woman to wait for it.

Answer 6

You didn't specify emotionally or physically.

I think emotionally abusive people can change with serious counseling. I am not so sure about physically abusive people though.

The thing is, that these people will have to make a concerted effort to change, and most people with those kinds of issues don't care enough to change it. If you are involved with someone like this you will have to give them an ultimatum. If not, it will get worse, not better.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I have been in an abusive relationship and no they do not change they actually get worse. Best thing for you to do is get out of the relationship. There are better guys out there that would not be abusive to you.

Answer 8

One an abuser always an abuser...get out now. I did, but a little too late. Now I can't give all of myself to the man I feel is the one.

Answer 9

the sad thing is i was involved in an abusive relationship and we tried to move all over the world thinking that the atmosphere would change it and it was rhe same everyt where we tried to go it never changed bi=ut the sad thing about it is i miss him and i truley love him i honestly don't believe that they will ever change and it is the sadest thing in the world i wish you the best of luck and i hope that you can make the right choices

Answer 10

Not really. And I'm not saying no flat out, though I agree with the simple 'no' answer- in that, on a basic level, if they've had to rely on violence, verbal/ physical or showing neglect towards their most loved partner- means they have seriously deep issues with themselves. If the person who supports them most is being damaged, then it is not because of that loving person...the blame is on his defect. He has serious emotional or psychological issues, that, like alcoholism, never really disappear with treatment, only he's given methods to cope with them, which in SOME cases help...but it's a ticking time bomb if you ask me. Throw in some kids and a career of your own to draw attention away from him and you have a real frightening situation. Look up the rates of violence towards women, and note the fact that almost all deaths during pregnancy are murders..by the woman's partner. Get out, now.