This incident just happened to me last week while I was walking to the main entrance of the hotel there I saw an old lady who was walking to the same direction with her both hands occupied by stuff. So I held the door opened for her to come in then she said thanks to me. I didn't say anything to her but just smiled to her. While we were walking towards the lift she said to me "What kind of a man are you. You have no manner without saying you're welcome". This comes as a surprise to me as I never expect her to show any appreciation in me holding the door for her. Her remark has caused me an upset. I thought to myself this devil lady is very rude to me. I thought I should have left the door closed and don't be bothered how she could find trouble in coming in. Well, for the past days I tried to forget what the old lady said to me. So far I have not succeeded yet.
2007-01-09 17:44:24 · 17 answers · asked by Rod 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
You know, I have to tell you something. I don't know why so many old people are so crabby, but they are. Is it because they have aches and pains all the time? It's just hard to get around? I don't know. But I hope I never turn into the kind of person who would let someone open a door for me, and then snap at him if he didn't say "you're welcome" when I said thank you.
Please, please let it go. Remember that old people have a variety of problems that make them less happy than when they were 20. You did a nice thing, I'm sorry it was rewarded by this rude remark.
2007-01-09 18:16:40 · answer #1 · answered by Esther 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well she is probably bitter. This was a way to lash out at you. I know that its aggravating. She should be grateful that you even held the door open for her. I use to be a home health nurse and I had to deal with the elderly and well they had to complain about everything. I had to cook this lady breakfast of a fried egg and toast. Well everyday she complained, the toast was too dark, or it was too light. One day just out of spite she threw the breakfast in the garbage. I then had all I could take of this rude woman and I said, " Even the galloping gourmet could not fix a breakfast to suite you, and well its your choice to throw a perfectly good breakfast in the garbage, I guess you will be very hungry by lunch time." I did not cook her another breakfast because I had other patients that I had to see. Well she never pulled that stunt with me again.If I had been you, and she said that I was rude, I would have looked at her and said, 'Opinions vary, and walked off" That would have put her in her place. Don't let some bitter person ruin your day, you are giving her power over you. Just forget it, however do not let this bad experience hinder you from being polite to other people.
2007-01-10 03:03:07 · answer #2 · answered by tnbadbunny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should laugh it off,even though it's hard.
Know that you did the right thing.You cannot be expected to know her conception of, what is a correct reply of acknowledgement, to an act of kindness.Unless you were raised in relatively the the same type of upbringing as her.
As a mature adult I think you did more than most would.Politeness and consideration are not necessarily age or status related.
Recently I was walking home and a smartly dressed elderly lady was a head of me. I noticed she was pushing a shopping trolley,(it was out of the shopping area)Suddenly I saw her pick her one lonely plastic bag out of the trolley and with a healthy shove pushed it into a metre deep drain . She walked off maybe 7 or 8 doors along, and went inside a house!
I know everyone who saw that trolley would blame youngsters.
In Australia you can be fined for this and I was a bit tempted to "dob" her in.
But I got over it!
2007-01-10 03:01:28 · answer #3 · answered by sistablu...Maat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her a break, dude. She is right and we should all learn from her.
Real men know there's no such thing as being half a gentleman. If somebody says "thank you", you are ALWAYS supposed to say " You are welcome", "Anytime", "My pleasure", or something similar, even if you bent backward and had to undergo back surgery. Without that word, you let the person know it costs you much and she better open her own damn door next time. It is thus a proof of bad upbringing, and void the chivalry behind the gesture. You pretty much held the first door open, and slapped the second on her face. She is a typical "old lady" like you say though, she will be dead in a few years so give her a break. In the meantine, let's all say "you are welcome", with a smile.
2007-01-10 02:26:04 · answer #4 · answered by Amazon 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There are a lot of weird people in the world. You did the right thing. Forget it. You are very likely to have worse things than this happen in your lifetime. Never change who you are because of the rudeness of others. Laugh about it.... It is a little funny in a crazy sort of way. Maybe she has a blood flow problem, (I mean to the brain)
2007-01-10 02:26:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd probably just respond to her admonition with a soft smile and a "Thank you, ma'am." Then, after a pause, suddenly snap, "Hey, you didn't say 'you're welcome!" -Catch her offguard with her own medicine! But who knows, it might turn into a joke and you'd both end up laughing together! It's no big deal unless you choose to make it into one. But it's easy to difuse the situation with well-chosen words. If you did snap back at her, she might respect your gumption and guts!
2007-01-10 03:10:38 · answer #6 · answered by BuddyL 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Old people are sometimes cranky and easily irritated if things are done their way. Sometimes they are in pain and otherwise in discomfort which puts them in constant foul mood.
I would chalk it up to a comment from cranky old woman. You did a good deed and your smile was the implied "you're welcome."
You were right and she was wrong. I suggest you just move on.
2007-01-10 16:29:03 · answer #7 · answered by Carl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By saying "you are welcome", you are acknowledging the fact that she noticed your kind gesture and took the time to thank you for it. Saying it also shows that you were paying attention to her personally, rather than just as someone in passing, and to not recognize verbally her attempt to be polite does put you in the "rude-dude" chair. A smile can mean many things, but a verbal response of a couple of words is a specific acknowledgment that is greatly appreciated by most people over the age of 30.
2007-01-10 01:54:35 · answer #8 · answered by nontatertot 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Your smile would have meant "You're welcome" to me, but she felt you held the door out of obligation because she was an older woman and it made HER feel badly about herself.
Next time just smile and say "My Pleasure young lady", and make her day!!
2007-01-10 02:01:55 · answer #9 · answered by ♨ Wisper ► 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just ignore her. That generation expects particular protocol in these kinds of matters, while a modern generation has it's own etiquette. Scrap it up to the fact that, while, for you, chivalry isn't dead...props to you in that regard...she had to find something negative about the situation. It's her loss to perpetuate the negativity and to be a little old "bitty" as my grandmother would say.
Keep being a great guy! It sounds like your mom raised you right! :-)
2007-01-10 01:50:20 · answer #10 · answered by Lilly Jones-Fair 3 · 4⤊ 2⤋