We live 3 hours apart and my first instinct is to run to her. I know that she's the sick one, but I'm beside myself. I'm one of those people that need to "fix" things. Should I back off?
2007-01-09 17:36:24 · 15 answers · asked by mosdesertrose 2 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
I don't know who you think you are who wrote this :
"You need to calm down. Just remember that breast cancer is practically nothing nowadays. Everyone gets overhyped by it, but quite frankly I think that most people make a 100% recovery if it is not too far advanced." ---But, I know of many who would disagree with you if they were still here to do it. One is my mother!!! There are lots of women out there who do make it through, but your comment is crappy and insensitive.
Now to the answer part ---To all of those people who said don't think about yourself or calm down, don't listen to them. Look, if this is your best friend, you know her best. If you think she needs you then go. Is she the type that won't ask, but really does want you to be there. If you were diagnosed, would you want her to come and see you? There is the first part of your answer. As for the support groups, don't push her if she doesn't want to go. Some truly do benefit and others get angry being pushed to go. I can tell you that if I were diagnosed with it, I'd want my best friend to be with me. If you are her best friend, I am sure she will tell you to back off when she needs her space. I think for you, read all you can. There are several stages that the cancer patient goes through mentally and the friends and family as well. If you want to be able to support her, knowing these ahead of time helps.
2007-01-09 18:59:16 · answer #1 · answered by inkspotter2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People are scared of cancer because they don't know enough about it. What kind of cancer (lobular, ductle, metastatic, etc). Often the new cancer patient is so rattled by the discovery that they don't hear what the doctor tells them about their course of treatment, future prospects, etc. When I was diagnosed, I found it very helpful to get a phone call first. Let her tell you about how she feels, her fears, what she does and doesn't know about her condition. Then ask her if she needs some companionship now, or would prefer to have some time alone first. Different people have different needs. No matter what, the best thing you can do for her is find a cancer support group. Often they meet in neighborhoods, churches, hospital cafeterias after hours, etc. Only survivors and new patients (along with a support person- perhaps yourself) come to these meetings. The knowledge she would gain, and the encouragement she would get by knowing she is not the only person to have this disease, is invaluable. These groups talk about their histories, which doctors are the best, what alternative treatments are out there, etc. They are very caring groups, Don't let your friend sweat this out in fear and ignorance. Too many people have lived through this and want to help others to have hope, courage, intelligent decision-making, and the latest medical knowledge.
The sooner you can find a group for your friend, tallk to a member to be sure your friend will feel comfortable, and then get her to attend a meeting, the better she is going to do in her fight against cancer. There is huge power in positive attitude. Hopeless cases have been cured because the women were determined to beat the worst kinds of cancer. This power comes from having security of knowing that others have faced the same or worse and survived. The best place to find a group would be your local chapter of the American Cancer Society, or one of the larger local churches or hospitals.
Also, pray for your friend- her health and her fears, and let her know you are praying for her.
2007-01-09 17:56:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Breast Cancer is very treatable in it's early stages. My father survived Stage 3 Breast Cancer, and is now a 15 year survivor. Anything is possible.
2016-05-23 02:24:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your friend has cancer. think about it... had it been you the one with the disease how would you feel if your best friend was even considering not running to you. to help you or comfort you, tell you the usual but somehow always helpful "it's all gonna be ok"? don't talk if you feel like it might do more harm than good, still just be there and show you care even for a little while. i believe your best friend deserves that much of your time and is worth it all. do not back off now, it will harm your friendship extremely.
2007-01-10 01:24:11 · answer #4 · answered by kath 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cant fix this and do not try. She is going to need support not a nervous wreck. She may have to make some difficult decisions in the future. No matter how you feel about something it is her body, her life and her decision. Your place now is to laugh with, cry with her, listen and really hear her, support her at all times stay stong and positive and let her know you love her and are at her side. Take the cues from her, ask her if she wants you to come and be with her.
2007-01-09 17:52:59 · answer #5 · answered by pet matcher 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing is to keep her in your prayers. Do not think of yourself and fulfilling your needs. You should be honest and tell her how you feel. Ask her if she wants you to come to her. Never tell her that you know how she feels. Shut up and listen to her, she needs to talk and talk. Get her fun stuff, a cute stuffed animal, cards, and just find fun stuff to entertain both of you. Do NOT pretend or put on an act for her. She needs your support and encouragement. If she has hair loss, she will probably need your encouragement. God Be With Her and You.
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2007-01-09 18:10:00 · answer #6 · answered by grannywinkie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to calm down. Just remember that breast cancer is practically nothing nowadays. Everyone gets overhyped by it, but quite frankly I think that most people make a 100% recovery if it is not too far advanced.
Be there to support her, but for the moment only go to her if she ASKS for it. You can ask her if she wants you to join her when she goes to the doctor or hospital for exams or treatments. But ACT CALM. Having someone who is calm about her is better than having a hysterical crying person with her.
2007-01-09 17:42:24 · answer #7 · answered by MrKnowItAll 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No ...dont back off..this is when she needs you the most...I work in hospice and see the effects of a terminal disease on a daily basis. She needs the moral from you if she is going to be getting radiation/chemo she will lose her hair and feel very alone. give her a call or go see her as soon as you can. Her recovery depends on it.
2007-01-09 17:43:43 · answer #8 · answered by Misti 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO you should tell if she needs anything to call you can go if you want too but sometimes when people find out those things their in shock or maybe denial and like to be alone and not have everyone reminding her and feeling sorry, I would check on her regularly and listen when and if she wants to talk
2007-01-09 17:42:00 · answer #9 · answered by *sexy mocha* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send her a nice card and a journal, so that she can write when she needs to. Also let her know that you'll be there in a second if she ever needs you.
Don't freak out yet - my aunt was diagnosed but they caught it so early, she didn't need radiation or chemo or anything. They took out the tumor and she is fine. (Thank God.)
2007-01-09 17:40:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋