I got out of a very bad relationship, praying for someone to truly love me and want to give me the world. I found him, but I feel no real passion for him. I don't need craziness or drama.. I know how unhealthy that is. I just am confused how if someone is exactly what I want and who I have prayed for, how can I not be attracted? He is what every woman would dream of... but not me. Everything is perfect but our intimacy. I avoid it. We are the best of friends, I know friendship is what makes relationships last but there has to be some sort of fire. Can you obtain fire? In all other relationships I have been very sexual. I just don't want to feel like the only way i feel stimulated is through unhealthy relationships. We have talked and he is patient and caring. I just want to love him and desire him the way he does me. I am scared that I would regret letting him go. He is so wonderful to me and I feel like there is something wrong with me!
2007-01-09 17:24:24 · 9 answers · asked by sundown 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hi Sundown.
I chose to answer your query because I used to have a neighbor/friend that had the same dilemma. She had been in a really abusive relationship and finally met the right guy. She described him and their relationship as perfect---with the exception of her thinking and feeling he was boring. She could not get past that and ended up with another guy. That guy ended up being another bad guy--a gang banger, drug user & a dealer, a thief....etc. etc... Anyway, she ended up addicted to crack and hasn't done well since. I think she was still on that stuff the last time I seen her. But! That was her.
Now, it sounds to me like everything you need to have a good healthy relationship with this man already exist. Except for the sexual part. You didn't mention your ages..... But I gotta tell you....sex isn't everything. A time will come and you will lprobably find that out on your own.
I reconciled with my ex about 6 years ago. I can count how many times we've had sex since then....and the number is small. The passion just isn't there like it was before. I think it fell by the wayside along with many of my lost dreams. But I still love him. And he still loves me. And I'd personally prefer to be with him to the day I die and know we share that love with each other, rather than someone else.
You asked if one can obtain fire. I believe so. I also believe love and romance can bloom in unexpected places. Passion could always be around the corner.... One day he might do something that surprises you and your heart might just skip a beat..... You never know....
Good luck in your decision. I think that at the end of life's journey...one should be able to say they have no regrets and they'd do everything the same all over again. My grandpa told my mother that on his deathbed. So..... Make a choice where you won't regret it in the long term.
2007-01-09 18:54:10 · answer #1 · answered by Brenda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do sound as if you aware of things already,
reading it once again may still help:
On the one hand, it sounds as if you are hurt and your
"wounds" have not healed yet because of your last
relationship. On the other hand, you do not say how
long you have known your "new" boyfriend"
and what really makes you attract to him except him
caring and being patient.
Well, do give yourself some time and really find out what
interests you in him. Above all, get clear what you
want, "who you are", and where you may need help ,
completely independently of your partner. He seems
to fullfill the function of providing you the possibility
to gain awareness right now.
Give yourself some time (tell him frankly) to see whether he
really is the partner for you. And don´t forget to find out
more about yourself by following your interests professionally
as well as privately like meeting up with other friends....
All the best.
2007-01-09 17:51:07 · answer #2 · answered by rgarlik 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is called human nature, and there is nothing "wrong" with you. I alos think that you WOULD regret letting him go... My friend recently just got engaged to a man that she now claims to "love", but who three months ago seemed to be in your exact situation. If he is patient and caring, give him time. Try to think of HIM, and those things that will be truly important if you are to have a healthy, life-long relationship. Passion comes and goes, but it is the concrete things in life that will mean the most when the gray hairs come, and finances are tough, and sickness takes it's toll... If you prayed for what you've been now blesses with, don't make the mistake to fall back into your old problems! God bless you!
2007-01-09 17:32:23 · answer #3 · answered by Bec P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't honestly say there's not something wrong with you. I think that some women are attracted to guys that are bad for them. Guys treat them like crap, and they just don't learn. Now, I don't know you, so I can't say if this is what's going on with you or not. But if it is, you probably need to do some emotional work, realizing what's wrong with your past patterns, and try to hang on to him in the meantime. However, I don't know if it's possible for a woman to break this kind of a cycle. I haven't ever been that kind of girl, this is all just my observations. Good luck with it though.
2007-01-09 17:32:47 · answer #4 · answered by Taco girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its just like you have closed the door 4 him after having bad relationship. You need some alone time with him and the mood of intimacy.. you can make up your mood by thinking of you and him doing sex. try to be romantic with him.. do dinners. go on drives to the places where no one can see you.. in the darks..
Open your heart.. try to lye in his lap or place your head on his chest 4 hours. not saying anything.. just thinking and thinking..
you will get over it.. it just needs time.
2007-01-09 17:33:45 · answer #5 · answered by usman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i don,t know if you are aware of this but you choose to love someone,the kind of love you have for him may not be passionate,but it might be sweet and tender.Don,t throw this man aside because you don,t feel by him like you did the others...sometimes you love someone for their goodness and you choose to love them because they are good...Give it more time,don,t rush into anything...wait and see how your feelings mature,and see if those feelings grow into a love affair..I don,t think you have anything wrong with you ,you are probably not used to being treated so well and you are confused...There is no need to rush,its best to take all the time you need instead of rushing into making decisions...
2007-01-09 17:38:21 · answer #6 · answered by slickcut 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The previous 'bad relationship' you had may be affecting your libido, or there is just no chemistry there and all he will ever be is a best friend. You cant force chemistry so if it aint happening naturally then theres not much you can do about it.
2007-01-09 17:30:17 · answer #7 · answered by Onie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You aren't ready for a sexual relationship. Tell him and be his friend if that's possible.
You can't invent passion where there is none. Don't string him along.
2007-01-09 17:29:22 · answer #8 · answered by Jon A 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he truly loves you, he will understand that you are not ready for a relationship right now.
2007-01-09 17:31:57 · answer #9 · answered by tagara 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋