My three an a half year old just refuses to do anything n everything.. can anyone tell how to deal with this?

Question

Right.. start the day.. he does not want to brush his teeth, no to wash his mouth, no to drink milk, no to changing his clothes.. No when given a meal.. just simple tasks takes forever.. pls help.. how should i deal with these tantrums..

thanks all for answering..
For me 'Tia' and 'Momoftwokids' are the most useful answers.

Answer 1

The first thing you need to do is realize that this is a good thing, I'm not kidding, your son is trying to be a grown up. He recognizes that he has an opinion and wants some measure of control in his life. As it is, in fact, his life you need to help him take some of the responsibility for it. I would not punish his bid for independence, if some of those little side behaviors show up like pushing you away etc that are unacceptable, make it a point to give him consequences for those behaviors.

To get through the day, look at how you ask. Do you say,"Jimmy, would you like to have breakfast?" which will definitely get a "no" or do you say, "Jimmy, please come sit down for breakfast now" which will also get a "no". The second manner of asking does not open the topic up for discussion, it will help, maybe not now but this is a phase that will pass and asserting your authority in a polite and respectful way shows him that you are in charge but you are not a dictator.

You can try providing him with choices to give him control, "Which bowl will you eat your cereal from?" "Are you going to make cereal or oatmeal for breakfast?" (having him help you do the daily stuff gives him more control) He will catch on quickly and will start thwarting this tactic, so use it sparingly.

One of the best ways to get through this is to have a rather stringent schedule and have him prepare for the next task well in advance. Setting the table for breakfast, maybe even choosing the cereal at night before bed removes the "do it now and do it my way" battle. Having him help you with the laundry and laying out clothes for tomorrow will give him the sense of control.

Some things are not up for negotiation, you must brush your teeth at least once a day, you must sit at the table for a meal (even if you don't eat anything), you must use nice words, you absolutely cannot get physical, you must hold my hand in public etc. The hard and fast rules must always be but now is a good time for you and Dad to sit down and talk about what kind of man you want your boy to be and what really doesn't matter. If it poses no threat to the body, to the mind, to the spirit or to the family, then it isn't worth the battle. Let him wear shorts in January (bring pants along though) he will learn more by being cold than by a three hour fight in his nice warm house.

As I said, try to remember that this is a good step toward manhood and it will pass, in a few months he will be such a young man and no longer your little boy. This too shall pass.

Answer 2

Make it clean to him that YOU control the situation. He says no to say, brushing his teeth, then tell him ok - if you don't brush your teeth, you can't do______. Make it something he was looking forward to, something he likes to do. THEN follow through on it. No teeth brushing, no watching barney that day, for example. He throws a tantrum about it, walk away and ignore him. If he's disrupting the rest of the house, pick him up, put him in his room, tell him he can come out when he's done and ready to apologize. Then walk away.

Simple tasks DO take forever at that age - just part of that age. Let him control part of it - this shirt to wear, or this shirt to wear? Don't ask him if he's ready to get dressed for the day, TELL him he is - OK, time to put on clothes - would you like this shirt or this shirt? He says no, you pick a shirt, and put it on him.

He says no about a meal, then take the plate away, sit down and eat yours. He throws a fit, remove him from the table. Give him a 3 minute time out, bring him back, and set the food in front of him again. Keep it up. And if he simply refuses to eat after you do this say, 3-4 times, then let him get down fromt he tabel and refuse him any snacks later. He's not going to starve, believe me. He'll eat at the next meal, what is served. DO NOT make him special meals unless his health requires it. He needs to eat what everyone else is eating.

It's going to take a few weeks of you being consistent about this to get him to comply - and even then, it won't be all the time. Your spouse has to be on the same page and reinforce this, as well as any other kids or babysitters. Make a plan that you all know, then stick to it.

Answer 3

No is such a great word at the 3 year mark. You really need to find a way to enforce what it is you want him to do. Get our your toothbrush and say let's brush our teeth, have him taste something instead of making a meal every once in a while, you can just keep giving him a little of this a little of that, you can figure out a way to make a meal of it! Explain the tantrums are unacceptable and do not give into it, stay calm and composed. You have to lead by example if you get angry he wins! And kids have no need to be spoiled, think about it do you even remember when you were 3!

Answer 4

Try asking him to do the things you would like him to do. With my 3 year old, I try to give him a choice (do you want corn or green beans?, Do you want to wear your white shoes or your black shoes?) It gives them a sense of control which is what he is probably looking for. It is hard not to get frustrated, but allow yourself some extra time before you go and let him "help" make the decisions. Make sure you praise him for making the decision and tell him how much of a big kid he is! As for the tantrums, the only thing that worked for me was to ignore him, it was hard, but after about a week was well worth it. It sounds like your son needs more attentive attention from you. The best piece of advice I ever received is if you say you are going to do something do it, if you say he is going to get a timeout, give him a timeout, if you tell him if he brushes his teeth you will take him to the park, take him to the park. They pick up on this very quickly and makes discipline much easier.

Answer 5

It's a stage.
Very normal.
He's asserting his independence.
Promise him a reward at the end of each week if he does what he is supposed to do. Remind him that if he listens he'll get a prize.
Make a star chart.
Let him choose. Give him choices so that he feels he has control over some parts of his life.
This way you can prevent the tantrum starting.
If he has a tantrum IGNORE him, he'll stop when he sees it's not helping.
Good Luck.

Answer 6

Kids are smart these days, my 3 year old came right out of the movie the exorcist..lol. She is now 13 and very well behaved. I have an awesome relationship with her.
First of all, the main thing to do is always follow through with what you say. Be calm at all costs.
Brushing teeth... Go shopping with him and have him pick out 2 tooth brushes. Then when it is time for him to brush his teeth calmly ask him which brush he would like to use. If he says no repeat yourself CALMLY. Would you like the red brush that you pick out or the blue on? Keep following through.
For changing clothes... same thing pick out 2 outfits and tell him to pick one. Let him know that he can come and join you in a game or TV or whatever he likes once he is dressed then walk away. If he follows you out of the room, pick him up and put him back in his room and repeat clamly..."you can come and join me once you are dressed.
Same thing for everything. I'm not saying bribe him just let him know that when he is done doing what you asked he can do what he wants. It is hard I will give you that and it will be hard but BE CALM!! and FOLLOW THROUGH... FOLLOW THROUGH... FOLLOW THROUGH... The calm voice will annoy them, but soon they will realize who is in charge. Another thing. Try not to use the word no in the house that often (If you do) try and change your answers to "Yes you can as soon as you do...." or "Yes you can have a cookie... after you eat dinner" and so on. It seems that your son is at an age where he wants to be in charge of himself. Make him feel like he is by giving him simple choices.
Good luck

Answer 7

when he throws those tantrums, simply walk away from him. When he is done with his fit. sit him down, get down to his eye level and say this is what we need to do. give him choices. I do not mean let him run the show. just an ex. when its time to get dressed make sure you have two shirts out. tell him he has to get dressed, but that he gets to pick the shirt. One thing that worked with my 3 yr old nephew was that i made up a poster board. I wrote down all his chores down and when he did what he was supposed to do i put a star by that task he did. If he had a certain amount of stars, he gets a special treat.

Answer 8

isn't 3 fun!!?? he is finding his Independence and becoming his own person. My youngest was the most stubborn little thing. What helped me was giving them some choices so they think that they have some say in the situation...... Do you want to wear the black pants or the blue? and let him choose. You still win because he put pants on. Do you want to wash your face like a big boy or should mom? Either way its cleaner. And when he didn't want to do something I would say OK but I am going to count to 5 and I am going to win this one! And make it fun and silly and pretend to be surprised when he beats me and finishes first. Whatever it takes some days..

Answer 9

When he is not co-operative, I would make sure that there is no TV or favorite toys, etc, until he does what he needs to do. Children test their parents until who knows when. . Mine still try to get a rise out of us! Don't give in ever or you'll have to start over. You need to give each refusal the time it derserves. Maybe Mommy can refuse a few of the nicities, to show why people co-operate.

Answer 10

It is called the developmental mile stone of children. It's normal thing for three year old to defy their independence status. Theire favorite word is going to be "NO" , very much displeasing the parents.

Here is a website. Hope that will bring you some ease. It's a normal development. It will subside. If all fails ask a child psychologist for help!

http://www.learningandteaching.info/learning/piaget.htm