my girlfriends been through alot. shes a cutter and has been to mental rehabs and psychiatric sessions. she drinks and gets wasted and also uses drugs like coc and pot. i dont know if i should interfere with whats going on cuz once i did and she got mad. i want her to stop cutting but she says that it makes her feel better. im just really confused right now on what i should do. one more thing, were in middle school. and please, if your going to say tell an adult or tell a therapist, i already did.
2007-01-09 16:40:47 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Give her this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
And tell her it has helped thousands get better. I would keep my distance from her, though, if I were you. Don't push her... she has to want to help herself. No amount of pushing from you is going to help.
2007-01-09 22:48:31 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. Peachy® 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure of what to suggest to you, but I must tell you this:
When anyone is doing something that is wrong (such as hurting themself or, alternately, hurting someone else, or something criminal like stealing, or if they were a racist saying things against other people, or whatever) whenever they are called on it, or stopped, they *always* get mad at whoever is getting in their way -- even if they admit that they know that what they are doing is wrong. Always.
Consider this: What will the outcome be if you do not interfere? She kills herself? She ruins her health? She gets arrested or killed or thrown in jail? She is going to get mad. No matter what. What do you know needs to happen?
I know you've told adults and you've told therapists and it didn't help. Try again. Maybe try with different adults. Pick adults that you are pretty sure want the best for her, although from the sound of what you say, it doesn't sound too easy to find such a person. Authority types are actually often the best choices, since they should have good resources to help her.
I'm praying for her. And for you, too.
Barjesse37
2007-01-09 17:02:49 · answer #2 · answered by barjesse37 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you care about her you have to make her stop hurting herself like that. You can do all therapy and such later, but step one is getting off the blow. I don't care how you have to convince her to stop, but you MUST make her stop. How many stories have you seen of people ODing on that stuff. If you don't do something soon then you won't have to worry about later because she'll be dead. You have got to grow some gnads and stand up to her. Who cares if she gets mad at you?? You can see a problem she is having and you need to be a man and stand up FOR her because she's not going to do it herself.
Sometimes making decisions like this can be difficult and it may even lead to a break-up. But what would you rather, being with her and watching her hurt herself like that or Not being with her and knowing that you may have saved her life.
If you have already told an adult and nothing has happened, maybe try going to the police or even better, try going to a child advocacy office in your area. Someone will be able to help her. Don't feel like you need to shoulder all the responsibility. Tomorrow morning look in the phonebook and call a social worker. If you can't find one call the county courthouse and they can direct you to one. Good luck, friend.
2007-01-09 16:55:28 · answer #3 · answered by Johnny Z 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
put u n pic... im 17 just suffered a miscarriage! After this is i would go out get drunk... even got so wasted 1 night i physically hurt 1 of my best friends who's been there for me through everything. And i'm not a violent person. I cut myself too. All i can say that when i was in this state of mind... talking to people who were close to me ie my mum n dad didnt help. I felt i wanted to do things on my own even though i didnt know what to do. I know you say you've tried helping already and she got mad but dont give up on her. I dont know what she's been through and i dont know why she's doing what she's doing... but 1 thing for certain is she needs you there for her. No matter how far she tries to push you away remember that she is not in the right state of mind to know what she's doing. I pushed my bf away but he stayed there and never gave up on me and it helped a hell of a lot to know i was obviously worth something! Talk to her but if she wants you to leave her in peace do so. 1 last thing you really do have to find an adult i.e a doctor or something that WILL help - this is not something you can deal wih on your own! Good Luck
2007-01-09 17:05:22 · answer #4 · answered by kirsten19892 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its very admirable of you to want to help her. You've received alot of good advice already here but I just want to emphasize a couple things. Don't give up on finding someone ( an adult ) to intervene in this. You are too young to shoulder this responsibility. You can be there for her, but she needs professional help that you are not able to give. If she gets mad at you, so be it. You cannot ignore what is happening and neither can she.
Try to be strong in what you know is the right thing to do. Getting her the help she needs.....
God Bless YOU BOTH....
2007-01-09 17:36:30 · answer #5 · answered by slavetofs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She does have problems. Clearly you like her and she needs a friend, BUT you can also be adult about her problem and lay it out for her that YOU will not tolerate that BS. Cutting is stupid and you want no part of it, maybe she thinks enough of you to listen. If she walks away, that is her choice. Keep your values and let her meet you at youtr level, you are right, and she is not.
She needs help. If she refuses, maybe she loses your friendship and it ius her choice.
I suspect she has some kind of delusion that she gets attentions from acting in this stupid way. Don;t support that. It is like giving a junkie a needle or a bottle to an alcoholic.
You probably already know, but she may get a lot a worse before she gets better....maybe even dead. Realize now that it is not your resonsibility. If you can be friend and help, great, if not, perhaps it was meant to be.
2007-01-09 16:55:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry you have to deal with this at your young age. Where are her parents?
There's a form of therapy for a disorder related to cutting called Dialectical Behavior Therapy. This might help her more than what she's getting, but you aren't really in a position to shop for therapies for her.
I used to work with girls who cut and it just seemed like their lives went from one train wreck to the next. She's so emotionally vulnerable, and I can't even imagine what the right thing for you to do is, really.
You don't talk about how this turmoil affects you, but I could imagine her calling you up at all hours or telling you scary stuff that gets you to get involved beyond what really works for you. I hope YOU will find someone to help YOU take care of yourself in this relationship. You may need to end it for your own emotional well-being.
Take care. You're a great kid to be so concerned about your girlfriend.
2007-01-09 17:11:38 · answer #7 · answered by rcpeabody1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love her you have to understand that it looks like you have done all you can do other than be there for her. I know that you feel helpless but sometimes you can't do anything but love her. This is something that she has to solve herself. I did some of the same things and I got over it because I had people I could turn to. And now that person could be you. All you have to do is be there or not. And that is all you can do.
Good luck
2007-01-13 11:49:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your girlfriend needs professional help. You are not going to be able to stop her by yourself. She is suffering from a menta illness and is participating in some very self destructive behavior. Let her know you are there for her if she needs someone to talk to, and encourage her to get help. Talk to her parents. She may be mad at you for a while for telling someone, but you will have done the right thing. If she gets help, in time will understand why you had to do something. If she doesn't get help she will probably die. I hate to be harsh, but I see middle school kids in the ER all the time who have died from overdoses and suicide. Please get her some help, anyway you can. If she refuses help then you may have to remove yourself from this extremely bad situation. Let her know you are there for her, but you can't take part in her self destructive behavior. The fact that she is a minor, there are several things you could do to get her help. If her parent's aren't an option, call CPS (child protective services). You can call anonomiously. Please, please, get her some help. It's a matter of life and death!!
2007-01-09 16:56:08 · answer #9 · answered by Thumper 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You cannot save another person. If you have told an adult, and she is getting help, but not changing you need to stay away from her. It will be hard, but in the long run you will be glad u did. I mean can u imagine her being the mother of your children one day with all her problems??? Get away
2007-01-09 16:50:59 · answer #10 · answered by hefnergang 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're being a really great guy to try to help her. I, of course, think you should tell someone and am shocked that no one you've told has helped her. You're in middle school though and sound like you have your life together. If I were you, I would tell someone who WILL help her and move on with your life. You're too young for that much baggage.
2007-01-09 16:48:42 · answer #11 · answered by Carrie J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋