I'm sick of trying to help others who won't even try to help themselves!?

Question

I plan on getting a MA in Counseling but sometimes people really frustrate me! It's like I give them great advice on how to turn their life around, break away from bad habits and all and they don't even listen. What MORE can I do? Do I give up? Do I keep trying despite their non efforts? And if I'm using the wrong techniques, I'd like to know what I'm doing wrong.

It's not like I'm forcing my advice.

They come to ME and keep asking to help, help help

I'm talking about friends, not giving professional help to strangers. I was happy to help out a friend but when they keep hurting themselves, thats where I feel stuck

Answer 1

Hello.........I applaude your efforts. More people should have the desire to help others. You simply can't win every battle and if you choose counselling as a profession this is something you will need to accept. As far as your technique goes, all you can really do is give the best advice you can and hope for the best. Keep in mind that people who need to visit with a counselor can be easily overwhelmed by their counselor's expectations. They may not be ready to go" all in" and actually act upon your good advice.Sometimes less really is more. More often than not, just asking for advice will take all the courage they can muster,and you should consider their first step a victory in itself. Allow them all the time in the world to talk about their issues, without commenting as to what you think they should do. Rather, ask them what they would tell someone who has the same dilemma. Chances are, they already have the answers they seek and will just need a bit of coaxing. If they believe that the wisdom they have could lend itself to someone else's cause, it empowers them to begin choosing more wisely for themselves. It is really difficult for any of us to sit and listen to someone tell us that you "should do this" when what they need to hear is "you could" or be asked "would you do this" Giving people options in the ways they can solve their own problems is more effective in the long term. They may be looking to you for nothing more than a starting point, so do not ever give up. Without people like you, who actually want to help, those wishing for changes will remain lost. It may seem that your efforts are futile, that your advice is falling on deaf ears, but do not despair. I, for one, will always appreciate a kind hearted, well meaning person like you. The world needs more people willing to encourage growth and encite change. Good luck.........take care

Answer 2

How long do yo work with these people before you start giving them advice. most professional counciling does not even attempt to change the habits or behaviors of the patient until you have had a chance to really get to know them and the situation that you are addressing. there is no magic solution, people are creatures of habit and must want to make the change before it can happen. it's like leading the horse to water, once there you can't make it drink.

If you are ready to give up on people now then might I recommend a different profesion. the average person you will help will take months before they will be done with counseling. This is way out patient therapy and counseling is usually done as a Xsteps program. it will take X steps before the person is ready to say they have overcome the problem or changed thier life for the better. If you find this frustrating PLEASE stay away form substance abuse cases. most of them need a great deal of time and effort to help break free of thier addictions and you may find them relapse 1 or more times before you can get them through it.

Answer 3

I wanted to help others to, 20 yrs ago but I feel that if I tried to get in to it on a professional basis then, I wouldn't be as ready for it as I feel now. I feel stronger, and I don't get frustrated or stressed easily. I don't know if it is because I'm more experienced with living life or it is just a sign of old age!! I think you will do fine as long as you don't let yourself take things too personally. Please hang in there. I know what you are going through and sometimes you'll feel like it is you that needs the counseling! Hang in there and know that you cannot help everyone, but you are making a difference in some peoples lives for the better and that is better than none, right?
Don't give up, be strong, and Kudos to you for trying to improve what society it really screwing up.

Answer 4

If you feel this way, maybe you should not be counseling anyone. People don't listen to good advice by nature. It is mostly up to them to try and turn themselves around. Maybe the people you are trying to help just aren't ready. When you do help that 1 person it should all be worth it, it will if this is the career for you

Answer 5

I don't think that your doing anything wrong, it's like the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink, some people just don't want to help themselves

Answer 6

Some people will never change. Keep going for the people that you can help. Some will truly want changes in their lives

Answer 7

You must be new at this. If you can reach one in a hundred, you're doing fine. The only people you're ever going to be able to reach are those willing to help themselves (rare folks, indeed). Employ tough love. If they don't respond, that's their problem, not yours.

Answer 8

People who do not want to make a change cannot be bothered with good advice. If they aren't ready, you are wasting your time. I know you want to help them, but they need to WANT to do it first.

Answer 9

hmm actiive listening " what do you think your doing wrong?" hey sorry I already have an MA but its in smartass. Don't let it get you down some people talk to hear themselves and are only going to listen if its what they want to hear.

Answer 10

Then stop!!!