How can one overcome the religious/cultural barriers of a relationship?

Question

I'm mexican which means I grew up with the Virgin of Guadalupe and staunchly catholic. I've been dating this NY jewish girl for over 2 months, I met her when I started school, we clicked real well at the beginning. But as we progress further, I started to notice that we dont agree on everything, especially evident during Christmas. From what I can infer, she expects to keep her religious ways, at first I didnt think much of it just certain things to keep in mind, but I fast forward in my mind a couple of months/years and I dont like them at all. I asked a probing question concerning circumcision, something I feel strongly against, and we got into a mini argument over a hypothetical case. I say mini argument, because I dropped it before it turned into something bigger. I talked to my friends, but I get the usual guy response, dump that ho. We get along fine otherwise, but I'm starting to lean more their way now. I cant see myself not being able to celebrate Christmas!

Answer 1

all religions oppose circumcision as it is mutilation.read these.do not dump her if you love her.remember God creates love.
(פ') לעשות, לפעול; לטפל ב-; להספיק; להציג, לשחק; לרמות


(ש"ע) מהומה; (מצוות) עשה; רמאות (סלנג)
(תה"פ) לא; אין; אפילו לא
פ') להרשות; לאפשר
ה-


ככל ש-
ש"ע) קטיעת איבר; השחתה, הטלת מום, עיוות
מ"י) של; מן; על; בעל-; ב-(כגון:לרמות ב-); ל-(כגון:מדרום ל-)

ש"ע) קטיעת איבר; השחתה, הטלת מום, עיוות

(ת') פועל; דלוק


(תה"פ) הלאה; קדימה; נמשך


(מ"י) על-; ב-; לעבר; מן


(מ"ג) שלך; שלכם; שלכן
(ש"ע) ילד; בן; נער, בחור; משרת (בלשון בוטה)
(מ"ח) או; ולא



(ש"ע) אור (שם עברי)

ש"ע) ילדות; נדים (סלנג); עוזרות בית (סלנג)
la circuncisión es mutilation.keep sus niños naturales.
Support and information for Jewish parents on
alternative (non-cutting) bris ceremonies:


Norm Cohen
NOCIRC/Michigan
P.O. Box 333
Birmingham, MI 48012
Tel [phone] Moshe Rothenberg, C.S.W.
Alternative Bris Support
and Ceremonies
Brooklyn, NY
718-859-0650 Ron Goldman, Ph.D.
Jewish Associates of CRC
P.O. Box 232
Boston, MA 02133
Tel [phone]

Jewish Associates of CRC makes known to the Jewish community that a growing number of Jews either have not circumcised their son or would choose not to circumcise a future son. It is an opportunity for Jews who take this position to declare themselves and to be counted. A confidential list of Jews who contact the Circumcision Resource Center for this purpose is maintained. Learn how you can join Jewish Associates of CRC.
Israeli Association Against Genital Mutilation
P.O. Box 56178, Tel Aviv 61561, Israel Tel [phone] E-mail: [e-mail]

Af-Milah - Second Thoughts on Brit Milah The Israeli Newsletter Against Circumcision (in Hebrew)
P.O. Box 207, Rosh-Pinah 12000, Israel Tel [phone] E-mail: [e-mail]

tell your girlfriend of the brit b'lee milah, a covenant without circumcision. the brit b'li milah is still a covenant.

Answer 2

To answer your question let me first ask you this. Is your difference mostly based on religion (traditions, holidays, how you were brought up, etc.)? Or is it based on faith (you believe from the bottom of your heart that Jesus is the Son of God and no one can come to God without Him)?

From what you say in your question it sounds like the first is closer to the truth. In that case the answer is yes, you can absolutely make this work. You both come from very culturally rich backgrounds and although it may be hard at first, you'll need to learn to understand and accept and respect each other's views. What I would suggest is for you each to write down on a piece of paper the top 3 things that are CRITICAL to how you are to live because of your religion. For you it might be celebrating Christmas, Easter, and getting your kid baptized. For her it might be going to the synagogue during Hannukah, circumsizing the kid and having him have a barmitzvah. Most likely your top three most important things will not exactly oppose each other. So build on that. Agree that the things that are super important to another because of their religious beliefs, you will comply with out of respect for them. Once you've agreed on these, write out the next 5, 10, however many. Get to the point where they are not super critical to you. As long as you can both agree on at least the top 3, I think you're OK, and even if not, that's when you discuss why it's important to you (and saying that you were just brought up this way is definitely not strong enough of an argument here).

As for the circumsision argument, I'd say you should definitely let her make that decision. For a Christian it doesn't matter whether the kid is circumsized or not. There's nothing about that in the New Testament. It says that it's not necessary, it's not how you please God, but it doesn't say that it's bad. To your wife circumcision is a MAJOR part of her beliefs, it is a mark of the God's chosen people, of their agreement with God. It is very major to her. So I would give way to her on this one for sure, most kids in U.S. are circumsized anyway.

Now, on to the 2nd scenario. If even one of you is a truly devout believer, someone who takes your religion literally, who spends as much time in church as possible and tries to find meaning and God's will even in the smallest thing, then there's no way realistically that this will work. If you believe from the bottom of your heart that no one can be saved except through Jesus and everybody else goes to Hell, then how can you live with someone who you live with for all of your life and know all along that when they die they'll go to Hell? You can't. Same for her. If she truly believes that God is yet to send the Messiah, then Jesus would be an idol. So she would be living under the same roof, and even acknowledging and possibly participating in the religious practices of an idolator. That doesn't work either.

So ask yourself and ask her and be completely honest. How much does this really mean to you. Is it a tradition and the way you were brought up, a way for you to show respect for your family and what they believe in? Or is it true faith, do your eyes see the world through the Bible? Same with her.

Again, from the way you wrote your question, having the biggest concern being not celebrating Christmas, I think it's just a cultural difference more than anything, so you can definitely make this work.

Hope this helps. Take care.

Answer 3

i think that if everyone was the same it would be boring.I had a crush on as guy once he is an advantist and i am catholic.He was crushing as well but we didnt dare to date each other because his religion has a lot rules that i dont agree with but in the end no matter what religious belief we both had love triumphand we were able to learn about each other no matter how much our religions is so different.I think that you should spend some time alone and let your feeling speak for themselves.Review how it all started and all that you went through together all the bad times and good times and then find out if it is worth it continue with this relationship no matter what your friends and religion say.After some thinking you will be in a better position to decide

Answer 4

I can very well understand not being able to give up Christmas. But would you be willing to include Jewish holidays in to your celebrations as well? If the two of you can both agree to compromise, you could create your own religious traditions. Remember that you're worshipping the same God! You revere a lot of the same figures. The rest of it is all semantics.

The two of you should decide if you're really willing to make some changes, a little give and take, to make your relationship jive with your faiths.

Answer 5

One of my best friends is Baptist. He recently married a Jewish woman. Neither of them pushes his or her personal religious beliefs on the other and each respects the other's beliefs. For example, his Jewish wife helped him put up a Christmas tree and she cooked turkey for his family for Christmas Eve. On the other hand, he went to synagogue with her during Hannuka even though he will not go regularly. Your love for one another should not be defined by either of your personal and religious beliefs. I believe that your personal beliefs on things like circumcision should be kept to yourself and those who don't mean as much to you as your girl does unless, of course, this arose during a discussion as to whether or not your future male child was to be circumcised. Counselling is absolutely necessary if your views are diametrically opposed and you are considering marrying and having children.

Answer 6

Respect and understanding!!! You two have to be able to accept one another for who you are and not try to change eachother. Besides, at the end of the day I really think it all comes down to family, trust, friendship and most of all, love. I'm not saying to lay aside your religion, but if it get's in the way of the most important aspect of your relationship(s), which is LOVE, then you must sit it aside.

Answer 7

I am Jewish and married to a catholic Mexican man for 17 happy years! just celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas.. you and your kids get the best of both cultures.. do not listen to your friends they are jealous

Answer 8

you both should come to an agreement. she should be able to accept your religion and you should accept hers. If neither of you are willing to convert, you have to reach an understanding. if you can't, the relationship is impossible. if you guys click so well otherwise, fight to convince her that you guys should stay together despite the barrier. don't just give up, give it a chance.

Answer 9

You shouldn't be against circumcision. It's a procedure that is becoming more and more popular in Mexico nowadays, specially amont the urban middle- and upper-class, who know about its benefits. See for more info: http://www.circlist.com/rites/mexico.html

So circumcision would not be such a cultural barrier in this case because in your own culture is not that uncommon as you think.

Plus consider the health benefits of circumcision: cleaner, healthier, no risk of infections, protection againts AIDS-HIV, etc.

Answer 10

God says in his word not to be unequally yoked. He also says "how can two walk together, unless they agree". It just isnt wisdom and it will cause major problems down the line. Its not right for you to change to meet her beliefs and vise versa. Sometimes it is best to make decisions with your head, and not your heart. Hope this helps. :)