At what age is it "okay" to get engaged?

Question

So I'm 20 and me and my boyfriend have been dating for six years and we love eachother more than ever. And we dont really talk about getting engaged at the moment but I think about it and daydream how he'll propose and things like that but than i starting thinking like what if he proposed tomorrow would people think we were too young (not that i care what they think I mean gezz that wouldn't stop me) I'm just wondering.

Answer 1

When you're mature enough to get married, then you're old enough to get engaged. I've known 18 year olds mature enough to get married (yes...I said 18. I wouldn't recommend it, but I knew the couple very well and knew it'd work. 7 years and 4 kids later, they're doing wonderfully well.) And I've known a 30 year old completely stunted maturity-wise, got married and 8 months later was divorced. So age is not a true indicator of maturity and readiness to marry.

Having said this, however, it is true that in general you mature with age. The differences in terms of physical development, mental and emotional development, outlook on life, and ability to cope with life's little (and big!) surprises, are HUGE between the ages of 16 to 19, and 19 to 24. In the first age group, it's not uncommon for general interests to change a number of times. You're still growing in so many ways from child to adult. In the 2nd age group, you're not only legally an adult, but you're most likely situationally an adult (or at least taking the steps to be). Most people in this age group are in college, having fun, partying, making life-long friends, dating, getting to know what they want in a spouse, etc. This is the period where much experimentation takes place and much of what is cemented into the personal psyches. If you ask a person at 19 a list of questions about themselves and where they see themselves in 5 years, and then ask again in 5 years, you'd have two vastly different lists of answers.

Anyway, all of this is to say that in general, it's better to wait longer to marry. 24 or 25 is a good age. But the more salient point is how READY are you for the challenges of marriage?

Have you and your prospective spouse discussed any of the following?

kids (how many? or whether you even want them)
birth control
sex (expectations, how often? where? when? etc.)
finances (goals, living within means, expenses, budget, etc.)
where you'll live (city and state, as well as apt, condo, house?)
family and in-laws
where you'll spend the holidays
religion
work (1 or 2 incomes? what happens when kids come along?)
division of household chores
expectations
friends (how often is it ok to go out? girl time? boys time?)
date nights
pet peeves
etc.

This is not an all-inclusive list. There are so many things that crop up during a marriage. Some expected, some a complete surprise. The more you know about each other AND YOURSELVES, the better equipped you'll be to handle the challenges of marriage. I would highly recommend getting couples counseling prior to marriage. If you are members of a particular church, talk to your pastor/priest/spiritual leader. If you're not religious, perhaps an MFCC (Marriage, Family, Child Counselor) would be a good option. Tell him/her that you're specifically interested in pre-marital counseling.

Anyway, you're 20. You've been dating for a long time. You may be ready, depending on how mature you both are and whether or not you're prepared to deal with all of the things listed above. It's wonderful that you love each other so much and are looking forward to a life-time together. And as a young prospective bride, it's always fun to fantasize about wedding stuff. The dress, the proposal, the ceremony...it's the stuff of fairy-tales. Not that you shouldn't think about such things. Just don't get so caught up in the froth that you miss the important stuff of life. The wedding is but one day in your lives together. It's more important to think on all the days that follow the ceremony.

I wish you and your boyfriend much love and joy as you plan your lives together. : )

Answer 2

The only time it's ok is when you feel ready. The divorce rate in this country is ridiculous, but it's not necessarily because people are getting married young, it's because they get married without really knowing eachother and then don't put any effort into the relationship. If you feel you're ready and you're are committed and love the person enough to do anything for them, than who cares what everyone else thinks? But remember, it's a lifelong committment and that means hard work sometimes. Don't forget you have to work at a relationship. You will know when it's right. If you have to ask, maybe it's too soon?

Answer 3

I don't think that there is a normal or proper age to get married since everyone matures at different rates and has different life experiences. I will be 22 when I get married to my boyfriend of pretty much exactly 4 years. He works full time and I graduated from my degree at age 20, so I am working full time for a year before we marry so we can not only pay for the wedding, but also have some savings. Some of my friends have been/are in similar situations. Do what is best for you. :-)

Answer 4

Personally, I don't think age matters when it comes to engagements [Well, if you're under 18, it might be awkward]. However, it does not necesarily mean that you two are going to get married immediately. I think the engagement process should at least be 6 months or more. When you're engaged, it's not only the wedding you have to plan for. As an engaged couple, you guys have to plan the "after the wedding/honeymoon" part. Remember: A wedding is only for one day, but being married is for life. Talk about finances, kids, sex if you want... once you have planned that part... and you both agree...then go ahead get married..

Answer 5

Ask yourself a few questions first:

1) are you ready to be 100% faithful, honest, loyal and willing to do whatever it takes to make it work?

2) do you see yourself with him down the road?

3) Are you still able to be yourself around him? Completing your goals and doing things you want to do?

I hope this makes you think a little more in depth. Marriage is a serious thing, and I'm not saying don't do it. I'm 21 and am thinking about marriage as well. But honestly, waiting a little while never killed anyone. Also, do you live together? If the answer is no, then try getting a place together first.... sometimes your partner will make you crazy... so try to feel it out.

Answer 6

25

Answer 7

Well, technically speaking in accordance to the law, its "okay" to get engaged at any age, although the legal age for marriage is 18 (in Australia, dunno about where you live). But if you're talking about people's morals etc. then I honestly think 20 may be a little too young, 25 is good.

But it also depends on the individual, you need to be mature, sure about what you're doing, and have the money to support yourselves, pay for the wedding, the house, car, maybe kids, etc.

Also make sure you're ready emotionally for marriage as well. It does equal committment to that one person, being able to live with him, having someone to consult before making any decisions, putting your life on hold to take care of kids, etc. Just make sure you're ready and that's what you really want. Good luck

Answer 8

Because you have been dating him for 6 years you know him really well so your relationship isn't young. People who might think you are too young are people who know that as you age you change. You both will. Most importantly is that you both have the same dreams for your future. Do you want a suburban lifestyle with kids? Have an urban lifestyle? Do you want to save money, spend money. As long as you are both very clear on your expectations you should have many years of happy togetherness.

Answer 9

i think it is fine to get engaged at any age, the more important question is how long will you wait until you say 'i do', because that is the penultimate commitment.

my mother was married with two kids at 19 and in many other countries you could get married as a child, in England as long as you have permission from your parents you can get married as young as 13 but it all depends how you personally feel within yourself, just ask yourself are you ready for such a commitment.

but remember that you can stay engaged for years until you feel completely confident that you want to go through with it there is no need to rush.

Answer 10

I think at the age you feel right to get engaged, i mean for some people getting engaged means getting married within a short period of time. But for others it means more time to get to know that person who you love and make sure before you say "I DO". Good luck!