I have absolutley no jokes!!! All of my friends are amazing joke tellers and have millions of jokes but I have none! I don't care what kind of jokes, knock knock jokes, dumb blonde jokes, stupid jokes your mama jokes! ANYTHING! HELP HELP HELP!!!!
2007-01-09 15:58:59 · 9 answers · asked by Allie 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
4TH grade Sunday school teacher asks the class?
What part of the body goes to heaven first?
3 kids raise their hand.(little boy in back of class wanting to be picked first waveing his hand back and forth)
Ok cathey what do you think goes to heaven first? cathey replys your heart,because you have to have Jesus in your heart to go to heaven. teacher says very good. ok Ann your next,
Ann said i think it's your sole that goes first. Because you have to have Jesus in your heart and sole. Teacher said very good. OK Bobby what do you think? Bobby says I know this one. It's your FEET. Teacher says YOUR FEET why do you think your feet goes first? Bobby said Because I got out of bed last night to go to the bathroom and when I walked past mom and dads room momma had her feet in the air saying OH GOD I'M COMEING, I'M COMEING
2007-01-09 16:37:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK. I have 2 for you.
1st: 2 men get shipwrecked on an island where they are captured by the local tribe who are cannibals. The chief of the tribe says "if you do not go throgh the ordeal of fruit we will eat you". The men ask "what is the ordeal of fruit?" The cheif replies "you must go into the forrest and collect 100 pieces of the same fruit and bring them back to me". So the 2 men set off into the jungle.
An hour goes past and the first man returns with 100 cherries. He asks the cheif "what do i do now?" The chief replies " you must stick all of these cherries up your *** without laughing and we will not eat you."
So no sooner has the man stuck the first cherry up his *** he bursts out laughing. The cheif replies "i'm sorry but you do realise we are going to eat you now." The man says back inbetween laughing " I'm sorry but i have just realised that my friend is gathering pineapples!!"
2nd: There is a man lying on a beach with no arms or legs. 3 beautiful women walk past and take pitty on him. The first woman asks "I bet you've never been hugged before?" The man replies "NO." The woman bends down and gives him a hug. The 2nd woman says " I bet you've never been kissed before?" The man replies " NO." The woman bends down and gives him a kiss. The 3rd woman says " I bet you've never been f***ed before?" The man says "NO." She replies " Well you are now, the tide is coming in!!"
2007-01-10 01:31:30 · answer #2 · answered by Bethany C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I have a good riddle and a joke. Here goes:
A bear was chasing a man. The bear finally gave up and the man tried to find his way back to his camp. He looked at his compass and for some reason, it only pointed south. What kind of bear was chasing him?
The Answer: A polar bear. Polar bears are at the north pole so his compas pointed south because he was as north as he could possibly go.
Now for the joke:
Three men were captured by head hunters on an uncharted island. The head hunters said that they wouldn't eat them as long as they could bring back ten pieces of one fruit. The men ran into the jungle. The first man came back with ten grapes. The head hunters said, if you can fit ten grapes up your butt, you can go unharmed. The man tried to put the grapes up his butt, but after eight, he lost control and couldn't go anymore. The head hunters ate him. The second man came back with ten blueberries. The head hunters told him the same thing, if you can fit ten up your butt, you can go. So the man starts putting them in. He gets to nine and starts laughing and the blueberries all fell out. Why did you start laughing, the head hunter said. He pointed at the last man coming out of the jungle with ten pineapples.
2007-01-10 00:38:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had told their new wives what their household duties were to be.
The first man had married a woman from Tennessee. He bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were done.
The second man had married a woman from Florida. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. On the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Long Island. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, find a cleaning lady, and telephone a landscaper.
2007-01-10 00:26:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a man goes to hell and sees an infanite halway with doors on both sies all the way. satan says you get to look into three rooms, but you must pick one and can't change it for 1000 years.the man looks into one. people are burning and screaming. no, he thinks and looks into another room where people are standing up to their necks in sewage, the smell is aweful. no, let me see another room. he looks in where a man is sitting in a comfy chair with a beer getting blown by a georgous woman. yeah i want this room. satan asks, are you sure? you don't get to change for 1000 years. i think i can handle it, the man says, smiling. satan says ok , come on out girl i have your replacement.
a soldier goes to the desert to join the war. his troop sees no action, he is bored. sargent, wher's the women? the sarent says we use the cammel. the soldier says never mind, and thinks what a sick-o. a week later the soldier asks again, wher's the women, i need some action. the sargent says i told you we use the cammel. never mind says the soldier, but starts to wonder. one more week the soldier says oh well and starts to have sex with the cammel. the sargent comes by and says,soldier what are you doing? you said use the cammel. yeah, use it to ride into town.!
2007-01-10 15:47:05 · answer #5 · answered by mike q 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo Momma is so dark that when she jumped off the Grand Canyon they said darkness fell.
Yo Momma is so fat that she had a tatoo of the cingular wirless company so she could have rollover minutes.
Yo Momma breast are so big that when she went to the doctor, he thought she had 3 heads.
2007-01-10 00:14:18 · answer #6 · answered by alexis.=) 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What do Italian ghosts eat?
Spookghetti!
2007-01-10 00:04:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
knock knock, who's there librarian; LIBRARIAN who, librarian who knows where joke books are!
k,k whos thr, mind....mind who, mind yr manners
k,k whos thr, yoo...yoo who, yes thanks i am thirsty
k,k whos thr, boo...boo who...don't cry, it's just a joke
why are santa's little helpers sad after christmas?
low elf-esteem
courtesy of friendly overnight guests kids!
2007-01-10 00:14:41 · answer #8 · answered by ellay 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?"
In case they get a hole in one.
2007-01-10 00:13:49 · answer #9 · answered by mysticalviking 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋