We have three children ,daughter 15, daughter 12, and a son 9. My wife defends my son 24/7 no matter what the situation. Sometimes, I think he has more clout than I do. Is this normal or am I married to a freakin lunatic?
2007-01-09 15:43:19 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have 4 kids, 2 boys, and 2 girls. The three older ones always tell me that I defend the 7 year old no matter what. I think it's just natural instinct for the mother to defend "the baby" of the family. Or it could be because he's the only boy, and she feels his sisters gang up on him. Mine are daughter 15, daughter 12, son 9, and son 7. I also think mom's tend to just naturally defend their sons more, and dad's their daughters. I'm sure she doesn't have a favorite, we love each child the same usually.
2007-01-09 17:17:54 · answer #1 · answered by proudmama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I doubt that you're married to a lunatic...but obviously this is causing a problem. One thing has been pointed out by other posters, and that is that the son is the baby, and so your wife is going to expect less out of him, and apparently he is meeting up to her expectations. Some fathers [and I am not saying this is true of you - obviously I can't tell from the limited information, but this is something to consider] are much harder on their sons then their daughters. I've known any number of marriages where one spouse was seen as 'too hard' on the kids, so the other spouse went the other way and was too lenient to compensate. Boys do mature more slowly than girls, so you need to honestly see if you are expecting too much of him, and if your wife's treatment of him is MOSTLY a reaction to you. If you evaluate and this is not part of the problem, then you need to sit down after a particular incident and discuss it with the wife. You should be partners in child-rearing, and you need to come to something you can agree on. Plus, make sure you are really involved with the family - I have known men who were only marginally involved with the kids, except for rare occasions when they would suddenly try to discipline a child, and the mom would freak out. If you aren't that involved and are just objecting from a distance to behavior that you don't feel responsible for because you really haven't trained the son at all - then change that today. Get involved and spend time with your son. He is already half-grown and will be out of your home before you know it, but he is still young enough for you to have great impact on his life.
2007-01-10 00:07:17 · answer #2 · answered by Cris O 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does he need defending? Is he acting out or behaving badly? Does he have some special need? If not, then it certainly is not a good thing for him to see you and your wife not presenting a united stance in your actions regarding him. Have your two daughters commented on this, too?
Maybe the real issue is not just your wife's defense/protection of your son. Could her treatment of your son be an outward sign of a lack of intimacy or communication between the two of you as spouses. Just some food for thought. Do write back.
2007-01-10 00:08:33 · answer #3 · answered by Lois M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she may not favor him, but he is the baby and mothers tend to treat them that way forever. Plus a mother wants her daughters to be independent and self sufficient, but a boy a mother doesn't mind hanging onto. Maybe try talking to her and explain how it makes you feel and she can back off some.
2007-01-10 00:04:51 · answer #4 · answered by dana j 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mom has been that way with my brother all my life... and i hate it.... i am 17 and he is 21 years old still living at home jobless.... and she treats him like the king of the house he dont have to do anything... at all he don't do his own laundry he don't pick up after himself... he does nothing yet my mom makes me clean and do the dishes and my own laundry since i was about 12 years old... i dont mind... but it would make more since if we both had to... but i dont care anymore i turn 18 soon and im moving out... haha!
but it is common for a mother to be like that with her son... but it can get out of hand sometimes... my mom also used to stick up for him when him and my dad were arguing... about stuff my dad was right about like getting out of the house and starting his life and getting a job... my parents have fought a lot and almost divorced a lot because of my brother... i hope this helps... if you wanna know more just ask dont hesitate...
2007-01-10 00:19:01 · answer #5 · answered by care_bears1608 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom dose the same thing my sister is 22 and I'm 18 and my brother is 17 and ever since we was little he got away with everything even when my mom grounds him he's aloud to go out. You figure that one out cause i can't. when there the only boy and the baby they get away with everything it's normal.
2007-01-10 00:07:04 · answer #6 · answered by The Brain 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how can u think so about ur wife?she may be wrong at some situation.bcoz shez creating problem for herself n for her,i mean for ur son also.bcoz she should rectify her sons minus points also.but u r also doing wrong by blaming ur wife.tell her n help her to overcome this situation.be patience.i hope u understand.
2007-01-10 00:02:58 · answer #7 · answered by karpuspita 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's because he is the "baby" and becasue their is that whole mother/son thing. My mother favors my little brother too, but he doesn't respect her becasue she babies him.
2007-01-09 23:58:08 · answer #8 · answered by sarah 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It happens, but it's not normal, or fair to you or the other children.
2007-01-09 23:57:06 · answer #9 · answered by halie_blue 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it is normal, that's her baby.
2007-01-09 23:52:50 · answer #10 · answered by mamabear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋