My step kids mother got remaried and from the beginning have called their stepdad by his first name. Now that their mom is having a baby with stepdad, mom has told the kids that they have to call him dad so they don't confuse the baby when it comes. My stepdaughter age 5 says she knows he's not her real dad and wants to call him dad so she doesn't confuse the baby. But my stepson still wants to call him by his first name. Is it right for their mom to do that to them when they see thier natural father 50% of the time?
2007-01-09 15:41:59 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No it is not. Is she going to also call him "dad" and is she going to tell her friends and family and everyone who visits the house call him "dad"? I don't think so. Children are not confused when others use different labels for people than they do. I didn't get confused when my cousins called my dad "uncle" or when my mom called him by his first name. I highly doubt that this is the real reason she is asking them to call him "dad".
More likely, she is thinking of her husband's desire to fit into the family rather than whether or not the baby will be confused. She has probably wanted this for a long time, but felt it was hard to justify it to the kids, and now that the baby is on the way, she feels she has the excuse she needs to make this unreasonable request of them.
Children should never be forced to think of their step-parents as full-fledged-parents. They may cooperate, but their inner thoughts cannot be controlled by coercion - it'll only fuel resentment. If a step-parent desires to be called "mom" or "dad", they must first EARN enough love and respect from their step-children so that such labels are used voluntarily.
2007-01-09 16:20:02 · answer #1 · answered by Andrew 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes in step parent situations there is no clear right or wrong. The real father is the dad and always will be, but small kids sometimes fall into the familiar. It really doesn't hurt for both of them to be called dad. A similar situation for ya is my nephew had two girls and worked out of state for awhile and and his wife worked nights and weekends in retail. They were 1 and 6 at the time. They stayed with me every night and most weekends for almost 2 years. During this time My kids were 2, 8, and 12. Because my kids were running around saying daddy daddy daddy, the one year old picked up on it and then the 6yr old did occasionally. You can't explain to the 1yr old and this really hurt her real daddy's feelings. so we compromised and called my husband big daddy because he is a larger man than my nephew, they thought it was funny and it stuck. Now five years later they still call him that and our own kids do too sometimes. Sometimes you just have to make the best out of a difficult situation. It doesn't lessen your husbands love from his kids, it may just make things easier than a fight. the mom was in the wrong in asking and should have let nature take it's course though.
2007-01-09 16:12:06 · answer #2 · answered by dana j 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it will confuse the baby if they continue calling him by his name as long as everyone continues teaching the baby that he is dad to him or her. I am a step-mother of two and a mother of three and my step - children call me by my first name and my children call me mom and there has never been any problems and when my children are old enough to notice they are old even to understand that I am thier brother's step-mother and thier mother. I don't agree with children calling the step-parent mom or dad unless thier parent is dead because it creates confusion for that child and discredits the real mother or father. Each child only has one real dad and mom and I feel those are the only people who should be given that title no matter how often they see that parent. That shouldn't make a difference because no matter what that parent is still the actual mother or father.
2007-01-09 15:59:09 · answer #3 · answered by mother of 5 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No. The names "Mom" and "Dad" should be reserved for those individuals whom the child deems worthy of the name. How would she feel if your husband suddenly required the children to call you "Mom"? It would break her heart and make her angry. She is being selfish and narrow-minded. My half-sister grew up in a home where she was the only biological daughter of both parents, and she did fine with calling him "Dad" while the 2 other children called him by his first name. IF the children decided that they had fatherly affection for the step father and wanted to begin calling him "Dad" then that would be another story, but I imagine, when spending half their time with their real father, they would rather reserve that name for him.
2007-01-09 15:48:00 · answer #4 · answered by bashnick 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Confuse a baby? They don't have enough brain power yet to confuse them. My daughter was 6 when I remarried and 10 when the first baby from my second husband was born. She continued to call my husband by his first name and her father's new wife by her first name, and we have never, in 25 years, referred to either spouse as her step-mother or step-father. My former husband's 3 other children and my 2 other children are not, now nor have they ever been, confused.
2007-01-09 15:55:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only way I would see the kids calling the stepfather dad is if the natural father was null and void period. He's still around so step dad should be on a first name basis unless he is going to adopt them, its just outta respect for the natural father.
2007-01-09 15:49:50 · answer #6 · answered by dominique shari 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No and it is sooo wrong of you ex to even suggest it. Its one thing if the kids want "on their own terms to call him dad" but to tell the kids that it will confuse the baby as if to guilt them into it is wrong.
I'm 18 and my mom remarried when i was younger but i have never and will never call him dad he has not earned the title I'm a complete daddy's girl and i know just who he is so would the newborn.
2007-01-09 16:23:41 · answer #7 · answered by chaosnewgo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a child should never be presured to call thier step father "dad"... hearing it so often might make him start calling him dad... my mom divorsed and remaried when i was between the ages of 7-8 and then she had my half brother right away... ive always called my step dad by his first name unless i am talking to my "brother" then i call him dad... and still to this day it is the same thing and im 24 and my "brother" is 16.....hope this helps
2007-01-09 15:49:16 · answer #8 · answered by bilinda_82 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If their natural father is still around, then yes, it is wrong. These children have a father, and noone else should be called by that name. She doesn't want to confuse the baby? She should consider the feelings of the children she already has, and of their father.
Ask her if her children can call someone else Mama!
2007-01-09 15:49:58 · answer #9 · answered by stringer_G 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, they should definetely not be made to call him dad. Both of my parents are remarried, and I will never ever call my stepdad dad or my stepmom mom. It is a huge sign of disrespect to the biological parent, and I know if either of my parents forced that on me i would highly resent it and probably never forgive them. You should step in and say something before it hurts either child. Thank you for realizing something wasn't right, I am sure you are a fabulous step-mom. (and thanks for not making them call you mom.!!)
2007-01-09 15:48:24 · answer #10 · answered by Mandi 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋