Several years ago, my brother cheated my parents out of a large sum of money. He said they are old, they don't need good credit. I watched my mom age very quickly and pretty much give up on life when it happened. No one has seen or heard from him since. I have been fighting with myself on whether or not to try harder to find him to let him know that Mom died. I'm not sure he deserves to know, considering what he did. It has been at least 4 years since anyone has seen him. We guess he is still in the Atlanta area. Should I give his name and some details about him to see if anyone knows him? What should I do? I don't want to pay a website to find him. I'm really torn up about this.
2007-01-09 15:04:00 · 19 answers · asked by szurface 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm so sorry! What a rotten possition to be in. I agree with whoever said it's not about him knowing, but you telling. You'll feel better about yourself that you did. Who cares what he does with the information. You need to be the bigger person.
Call information, look up whitepages.com, any 'reasonable' effort is good. I don't know that I would go so far as to higher a PI. Your choice.
Good luck.
2007-01-09 15:25:26 · answer #1 · answered by Margie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he has done to your parents was wrong. I am sure he knows that too because maybe that's why he hasn't been around. He did disrespect them and he probably didn't know how to come around to telling them.
Your mom is gone because of old age, but your brother wasn't the reason she is gone. He made a mistake and probably feels bad about it too. People do make mistakes! So you owe it to your brother to let him know about her death. He does deserve to know, because he is her son. Even if she was still alive on her death bed, he should have gotten informed no matter what it took to find him.
Do what it takes to find him. Some advice I can probably give you is put an add in the classified newspapers in Atlanta. Or, put up posters. You can also put a photo of him via net to have it circulating with information about him through email. Thank God for computers! Sometimes you can find someones where abouts on Peoplesite.com You become a member and it is FREE! You will also read success stories too. First click on their Q&A to see what they can offer you.
So, do your brother a favor, and go and find him! So at least he can pay his respect to visit his mother's grave. (smile)
2007-01-09 15:37:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your loss and for the difficult decision you are now facing. No matter what you do, in someone's eyes, you will have done the wrong thing, and for that burden on you, I am sorry.
Having faced a similar situation in the past, I decided it wasn't up to me or anyone else to make that choice. I had to let him know, and he had to make his choices after gaining that knowledge.
I can tell you that over a long period of time, under the right circumstances, one can truly regret what they have done and be truly sorry. I can also tell you that under the right circumstances, those people can work for forgiveness from family. I have seen it. Unfortunately, it took my birth father 11 years completely paralyzed from the neck down to say, "I'm sorry and I love you." and it took the doctors calling me to say these were his last words for me to listen.
Having said that, most often, people are who they are and will not change.
You cannot know, all you can do is TRY and see where God leads you.
In the end, it is better to have tried and failed than not to have tried at all.
When your heart is ready, in the quiet of the night, when you know what should be done, try here:
www.zabasearch.com -it is free and very helpful.
From my heart to yours,
Wildflower
2007-01-09 15:26:57 · answer #3 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you know any of his former friends who may know where he can be located?. No matter what he did he has the right to know that his mother has died. You may want to inquire at the funeral home if there is any special advice they can give you about this situation. If he was in prison for some heinous crime you would have made sure he knew his mother died. He should know and you must make the effort to find out who can help you figure this out
2007-01-09 16:09:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through a similar situation with recently with a brother who had succumbed to drugs and had not been seen or heard from in a long time. Even though most of us didnt want him or his antics around, we did the right thing and hired a private investigator to find him. You should at least reach out to him, so that whether he comes or not will be on his conscience not yours.
2007-01-09 15:10:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. My heart goes out to you. Concerning your brother, it's not a matter of "if he deserves to know", its a matter of "its his right to know". He only has one mom. He may or may not care, but that would be his choice. Its not right what he did but you really don't know why he has stayed away. It may be because he is rotten and doesn't care about his parents, or, it may be cause he feels so bad about what he done, that he is ashamed to show his face. You don't know. And, what if later he finds out, and gets real hurt cause no one tried to contact him. You will feel much better when it is over, if you try to reach him and let him know. Hope this helps. :)
2007-01-09 15:17:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
After all he was your Mother's son too! Even though he did her wrong,(and a lot of us have) he still has the right to know! He is her child & I'm sure she had forgiven him a long time ago,even if she never admited it.It is just a natural born instinct,for a mother to forgive a child,so go ahead,give him a second chance,"I'm sure that's what she would have wanted!"
2007-01-09 15:14:39 · answer #7 · answered by swt-bby-gl-69 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well at least send an annoucment to the Atlanta news paper letting him know he might read it.Although he did that he will reap what he sews believe me.You take care of what you have to and if he misses out oh well cause it sounds to me she had a broken heart also.Your brother didn't care then and he probably doesn't care now.Move on...
2007-01-09 15:10:19 · answer #8 · answered by gblue52 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would do the right thing and try and track him down. He sounds like a low-life, for the way he treated your parents, but he is still your mom's son, and should have the chance to pay his last respects.
Chances are, he wouldn't show up anyway, but you would have done the right thing, regardless.
I'm so sorry about your mother... ((( hugs)))
2007-01-09 16:28:27 · answer #9 · answered by Kate 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to you on the loss of your Mother. Ask your self what would Mom want me to do about this. Most Mother's would forgive there children anything. search your heart deep because you will have to live with the decision. If it was my son I would want him to know.
Good luck and God Bless
2007-01-09 15:32:21 · answer #10 · answered by Diane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋