My brother's girlfriend of 4 years just refused to be in the wedding, or even come to the wedding because a girl that he used to date is invited. Should we not invite our friend, so that she will come?
2007-01-09 14:59:30 · 14 answers · asked by Charlie P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
That's her problem. It's not her wedding. You invite whomever you want and enjoy your special day. Your brother should just go ahead and come without that girl if she refuses to come along. He might find out that he doesn't want to spend his life with someone like that! Gee! Just think what else she might refuse to do; she sure is childish.
2007-01-09 15:08:18 · answer #1 · answered by Bud B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on the couple's history together. I totally don't blame the girlfriend to want to avoid her boyfriend's 'lost love'. If they were very serious, it could make her feel like she's stepping into the twilight zone to have to be with this woman, even for one day. Some people just cannot handle confrontation of any kind - and will actually make themselves sick over it. Looks like she feels her only way to avoid the ex is to avoid the wedding altogether.
If the new girlfriend's feelings matter to you and you're close, try talking her into it anyway, but if not, see it from her point of view. Would you want to do the same if the situation were reversed?
You also may not know past things that were done in the relationship. My man's ex did MANY horrible terrible things to him while they were dating, some too bad to even mention here. However, there are still members of his family that give her hugs and kisses, despite knowing how much she hurt and used him. I wouldn't doubt that if they were given free reign with my wedding guest list, they'd think nothing of inviting her as well.
I know I'm going against the public opinon on this one, but I can't say I blame the girlfriend. Been there, done that.
That said, it is still your day and you shouldn't have to worry about petty fights between the new gal and the old. If it looks like the new gal has a future in your family, you may want to do what you can to keep her happy to avoid future confrontations on this issue. If you insist on inviting the ex, she could take it as a personal insult that her feelings were not taken seriously.
Not what you want to hear, but something to think about all the same. I agree with an earlier answer that if you weren't too close to the ex and don't see her much, change your mind on inviting her. If you don't think the new gal and your brother will make it relationship-wise, say 'oh well' and find yourself another bridesmaid. It doesn't look like you'll be able to change her mind, and do you really want that extra stress of worrying about what she'll do on your wedding day?
We are also in this situation with our upcoming wedding. We still love his brother's ex, but out of respect for him, aren't inviting the ex to the wedding. She totally understands that it's not fair to his brother or his new gal, as he is indeed family, and we're respecting his wishes as well as any hard feelings it will play on his new gal.
Best of luck and congrats!
2007-01-09 15:49:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents were divorced for 12 years and hadn't been in the same room together for almost 15 years but, they still managed to come to my wedding and be civil. You know why? It was MY SPECIAL DAY. This is YOUR SPECIAL DAY invite who you would like. Your brothers girlfriend needs to grow up and realize she may be the family princess(sounds like she is use to getting her way every family has one) but this is your day to be queen. If she doesn't come shame on her you don't need to start answering to her whims (or you will be for a very long time).Besides if she cares about your brother she should be trying to make a better impression on the family.Its not like its her wedding this girl has been invited to that would be different. FInd a bridesmaid who is there for you not her own motives. BEST of LUCK!
2007-01-09 15:38:36 · answer #3 · answered by emmandal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you should continue as planned. You and/or the family must of thought as this ex-girlfriend as still a friend or you wouldn't of thought of inviting her in the first place. This is Your wedding not the currant girlfriends, if she won't come cause of the ex then so be it, better for her to stay home an sulk or what ever, than ruin everyone elses good time.
2007-01-09 15:16:20 · answer #4 · answered by Oregon_Rose 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Noooooooooooo. That is not your problem it is hers only. This is your wedding and you should be able to invite whoever you damn well please. Its not her guest list its yours, she should grow up and go to the wedding and who said she has to hang out with the ex? I had similar problems in the past with my brothers current gf of 6 years and his ex, lol and their BOTH bridesmaids in my wedding now. Gettin gmarried June 1st. They dont care for eachtoher tooooo much but their ok. There dealing with it. If these girls you know wont stop being stubborn and dont have the classiness to put it behind them for YOURRRR weddings sake. Screw them they shouldnt be there anyway.
2007-01-10 09:50:15 · answer #5 · answered by Ambersgettingmarried 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't be blackmailed by someone about who is going to be invited to your wedding. Invite who you want and let them figure out whether or not they will attend. Once upon a time, I had to invite my mother-in-law's brother and his second wife and the brother's former wife and her second husband. The brother's former wife had been my mother-in-law's best friend for many, many years. They all came, had a good time, ended up all seated together and, believe it or not, presented us with identical gifts (unbeknownst to them!). You never know what's going to happen so, invited who you want and let them figure it out.
2007-01-09 16:28:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not let her dictate who you invite to your wedding. If she is this insecure in her relationship she should not be dating him. They have been together for 4 years so she needs to get over the fact that he dated before they were together.
2007-01-09 15:06:41 · answer #7 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree, your brother's girlfriend is being childish and immature. Your bro's ex wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid too,was she? If not, then the current girlfriend should be able to avoid being around her since she'll be busy the whole day doing bridesmaid things. If she wants to be childish, let her but don't let it ruin your day.
2007-01-09 15:23:19 · answer #8 · answered by Wishing on a Dream 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are friends with this "controversial" person, then invite her and tell your boyfriend's girlfriend to deal with it for just one night (it is your wedding). However, if this person is just someone you rarely see or talk to, it would be best to not invite her.
2007-01-09 15:05:26 · answer #9 · answered by Mr. Smooth 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't go out of your way to accomodate your brothers girlfriend. She is being extremely childish, and immature. Who cares one of your brother's old girlfriends is there? Tell her you would really like her to be part of your wedding, but, if she doesn't feel she can be there, that's her choice.
2007-01-09 15:10:31 · answer #10 · answered by bon b 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋