I'm torn because I've about decided to only date men that I already have a strong physical attraction to. This mainly regards men one might meet on a personals site or something, men who aren't gorgeous but aren't ugly either. I hate to judge men so early strictly on physical beauty so I have dated men because they seem nice/interesting to see what might develop. We'll meet for a first "date"; I have a nice time, enjoy talking to them, and am honestly trying to access what the relationship might become but I'm not physically attracted yet. Next thing, they try to kiss me and it's hurtful to reject a kiss so I usually go with it. Trouble is, then I never want to see him again because I'm so uncomfortable, when 15 minutes ago, I was looking forward to getting to know more about him. Why do men do that when they've just met a woman? Do they really not get the difference between a woman who's just nice and a woman who's really into them? How can I be nice but not send those signals?
2007-01-09 14:58:49 · 13 answers · asked by sweetredbeachlvr 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
So women tend to date interesting men and hope they become attractive while men date attractive women and hope they become interesting? These are all men I like or I wouldn't date them. You don't have to find a person physically appealing to like them, do you?
2007-01-09 15:44:02 · update #1
First don't feel bad about judging men...they have all judged you by this point too.
Second, men moved quickly so you don't realize that you wouldn't kiss them if you knew more about them...
Good luck, but remember you'll kiss a few frogs on your search for price charming. sorry for such a short and simplistic answer.
the real answer, the one you are looking for is long and complicated. And I suspect, you are looking for somebody who will judge you on more than your looks, just like you are willing to do for them...
Men, in general will NEVER get the difference between a woman who is just nice and a woman who is really into them.
WE BELIEVE all women are into US. The irony here is, we can tell the difference when it involves another couple. In fact, we think it is painfully obvious and do not understand how THAT man could be so stupid...
Best of Luck...
2007-01-09 15:11:29 · answer #1 · answered by detroit al 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation..that's why I am single. It's because there is no physical chemistry and you are (rude but true) appalled by his looks. I guess we have high standards but we should! You see we know what we deserve. What you are doing right now is settling. It's not a good thing and is obviously not working out. I honestly don't get how people do it. Some do it for years..kind of sad since in the end it doesn't work out. I'd say from now go out with ones you find physically attractive and get along with and leave the others for friendships.
2007-01-09 15:10:04 · answer #2 · answered by Mara D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men need a woman to feed their ego, cook for them and do all those other things that men think women are put here on earth to do. He is incapable of being alone, so it's a necessity for him to have someone else in his life right away. He doesn't consider that he should be alone for a while and figure out why your relationship failed. He is only thinking about what he needs and he filled those needs as soon as he possibly could. He is phasing out anything to do with your relationship, including the child. Your life with him no longer exists. It doesn't matter to him that you are left with that responsibility because, don't forget, it was always about his needs, not yours.
2016-05-23 01:52:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to learn to speak up honestly and explain your not ready for a kiss, but that you do want to see him again. Honesty with kindness is the best way to go. Just explain it but keep it brief and to the point. Dont go on and on about it that will turn them off. then stick to your guns. You sound like a nice lady.
2007-01-09 15:06:29 · answer #4 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because we think were allowed (note I didn't say entitled, there is a difference) to kiss if you accept a date. If you want to get to know them, talk to them, but not at a movie/romantic dinner, since going to the movies alone in a guys mind means that your gonna be making out, not talking.
2007-01-09 15:04:55 · answer #5 · answered by Djchick3n 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men are impatient, and you have to stick to your guns. If you are not ready to become more intimate, you must let them know. A man will always be a man, it's natural, but you must be the one to be in control of the sitiuation. After all, men don't have to worry about getting pregnant!
2007-01-09 15:07:15 · answer #6 · answered by persnicady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that you don't like them. If you really liked them, a kiss would be a small gesture. I don't approve of sex before marriage or anything, but a kiss is definitely OK. Those guys are on dating sites to meet women who like them, not women who can't find anyone they like better.
Do they get the difference between a woman who's just nice and a woman who's really into them? Well, sadly, not all of them (or even many of them, for that matter) do. But you kinda mislead them by going out on DATES with them. They're looking for women that like them, and you're kinda implying that you like them by going out on a date with them. Do you think they enjoy buying food and stuff for women who don't really like them? Good grief!
I am under the distinct impression that if you were really into the guy, you wouldn't think that he was moving too fast even if it was the first date. That just isn't right. You're giving these guys false hope, as well as wasting their time and money. You're being more than a bit unreasonable if all they're doing is going for a kiss. Good night!
I see you added something . . . let's see.
"So women tend to date interesting men and hope they become attractive while men date attractive women and hope they become interesting?"
I don't know. That's a very broad generalization. YOU might date interesting men who you don't find a little attractive, but I can't say that I know of any women personally who do that as a habit. I would be afraid to date a woman like that also. Listen to yourself. It only takes five minutes to decide if you are physically attracted to a person. It takes many hours to be able to say that you know them. These guys are going to the date to get to know you and make sure that you aren't a train wreck. It's OK going to the first date with little idea of what to expect. But to say that you are not physically attracted YET, by the END of the date is kinda misleading. If you can't make up your mind by the end of the date if you're attracted to the guy, then you probably aren't attracted to him. This all makes me wonder if you're not looking for excuses to date these guys.
"These are all men I like or I wouldn't date them. You don't have to find a person physically appealing to like them, do you?"
I think you misunderstand my use of the word "like" . . . I mean that, given your limited knowledge about them, you are attracted to them enough physically and otherwise. You seem to think of the word "like" as in the friendly kind of liking. But the problem is, these guys want to go out with women who like them "like THAT", not women who like them "like a brother." Because they know that if you don't like the way they look, you won't like them.
OK, I think I understand your problem with these guys. In your defense, they should be waiting until the SECOND date to try to kiss you, because you haven't seen them before and you honestly don't know if you will be attracted to them (as you've never seen them before) and most women don't have the nerve to just up and say that they don't want to kiss you because they don't find you attractive in the middle of a date. But I still say that if you were REALLY into them, you would not mind them trying to kiss at all. You would be thinking something like "Gee, you're moving a little fast, eh? I guess it's OK . . . it's only a kiss after all. Hmmm . . . I kinda like this." Or at the very least you wouldn't have enough of a problem with it to ask a question on Yahoo! Answers about why they're moving too fast and how you can make them not do it. Have a nice day!
2007-01-09 15:13:24 · answer #7 · answered by anonymous 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
All about sex, I'm serious.
Companionship is really nice, but a woman should mutually like sex as much as the guy.
2007-01-09 15:04:30 · answer #8 · answered by J_Lin 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just go on that one date and never c them again i guess. as a dude basically the faster u go the faster u get in the pants, makes logical sence i think.
2007-01-09 15:03:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Good idea! Seems all the good looking gals I *** across have herpes or something like that
2007-01-09 15:11:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋