I was in a long-distance relationship for about 4-5 months and I was perfectly fine with it all. I wasn't worrying about him seeing someone else because I trusted him enough. But when school came around, I started letting my grades slip because he has been acting weird and it was freaking me out. We broke up, both understanding the reasons: because the worrying was making the both of us go mad. That's when I realzed that I am not good with long distance relationships. Problem is, he has this idea that when he comes back, we will be together again when I think my feelings for are beginning to slip. I have learned that I can't love what isn't there and since he isn't there, I can't love him and not worry. Can you help me? I don't know what to feel in this situation or what I should do about it to feel more comfortable.
2007-01-09 14:55:08 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
when i was 19 i had a long distance relationship we even got engaged. I loved being with him I met his family but i lived in illinois he lived in washington dc. I still think about him once in while even though it has been 12 years. I am happily married for 9 years but I sitll think about him. He was my first true love but as far as the trust in the relationship we had nothing to build on to because we didn't spend enough (everyday life) time together. Relationships are build on many factors lust, companionship, trust, friendship. It is hard to have a real relationship with someone when you can not spend real time together.
As far as grades are concerned a relationship should not affect the general life that you need to lead for your self.
2007-01-09 15:05:36 · answer #1 · answered by nelle5217 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in a couple long distance relationships because of college so I know what you are going through.
First, as for him coming back thinking you'll be together again. If you don't want to be with him, then don't be with him. Make it clear to him that you are not there to just be picked up when it is convient for him. That you are more than willing to be friends but a romantic relationship is no longer in the picture.
Then, to help yourself, surround yourself with good friends and take your mind off of it. Go out, hang out, and just have a good time. Focus back in on school and get those grades back. Just enjoy life and know that whatever is supposed to happen will happen.
As for not being able to love someone and not worry if they aren't there, maybe long distance relationships aren't for you. They are never easy, but for some they are harder then others. So if you two decide you do want to be together, then maybe it needs to be done at a point in your lives where you won't be seperated for long periods of time anymore because maybe now is not a good time for a relationship for the two of you.
I hope this helps. Let me know if there is any thing else I can help with. I have the e-mail link in my profile. :-D
2007-01-09 23:06:15 · answer #2 · answered by Finesse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are non confrontational, like me. This is a very good chance for you to tell him either over the phone or via email that it's just not gonna work, if you still want to remain friends than you should wait, and do it in person. But if you don't care about it, then you don't have to see him again. In person it will be harder, because if he is making an effort to come see you and you blow him off it will really piss him off. I had a friend that went all the way to Ireland to see her man and when she got there he broke up with her and it really hurt her, and she was left all alone. So that isn't cool.
Ultimately it is up to you, all these situations are relative, and deep down I'm sure you already know what to do. Sometimes the right thing isn't the easiest. Do what you know you would want someone to do for you... Good luck!!!
2007-01-09 23:01:50 · answer #3 · answered by Abbymex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys were right to end it. Long distance relationships don't work. When he comes back around it would be hard not to hook back up but you have to remember that he is leaving again. This girl I like is in love with this guy that is far away and she is hanging on to the possibility of them getting back together. I know its not going to happen and I think that she knows it too but I cant convince her of that. So in the meen time I have to sit here and watch her suffer until she gets it together. She is missing out on having something with me and thats all there is to that. Just feel what you want to feel but dont pass up on an opportunity if it comes your way.
2007-01-09 23:05:48 · answer #4 · answered by Chase 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What the bloody hell does a relationship have to do with grades. Want to go through life as a VICTIM??? Keep pulling that crap. Oh, my boyfriend is f@cking around behind my back. I'll DROP OUT. Go ahead. Ruin your life. I'm sure there's plenty of jobs at the recycling plant for you to separate the green glass from the clear glass. Get your priorities straight, or become a burden on society. You make this decision NOW.
2007-01-09 23:00:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation, we were in a long distance relationship but ended up ending it because we didn't want to deal with the distance. Then we later got back together, my fault because I initiated it, even though in the back of my mind I never really wanted it....I didn't like the idea of him going out with other girls but when we started dating again, I realized I hated the idea of me going out with him even more, bottom line, all the time we were apart, we were drifting apart, and when he came I was a totally different person, who wanted different things out of life && our relationship. Personally, I would say try dating other people, if you really love eachother, it'll happen but why stay in a relationship if you're not happy.
2007-01-09 23:00:39 · answer #6 · answered by Melanie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the exact same situation a few years ago, and the best thing for you to do, is not even see him. I know it seems dramatic, but if you guys hang around each other and act like you can just be friends, chances are you will be right back at square 1. Good luck.
2007-01-09 23:00:05 · answer #7 · answered by Andy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It takes two very emotionally mature people to make a long distance relationship work, like two people who are already set in their careers and have spent lots of time with their significant other before the long distant part became necessary. If you are still in highschool or college, you probably haven't had enough romantic experiences to really make it work. And I don't mean sex, I mean true emotional understanding by mature adults.
2007-01-09 23:03:23 · answer #8 · answered by Jimmy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It appears you are not old enough to Love yet. If he were placed into a Coma for an extended period, could you cope with that? My wife lives in Costa Rica, I am in the States getting operations for an accident. We have been apart for about 9 months, but when I am finished here, I am moving down with her. I can last as long as it takes. So, if you can not, admit it to him, and yourself, and one day you will find a love that will last forever, even if you're not together. Good luck.
2007-01-09 23:02:18 · answer #9 · answered by Joseph L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well ive never been for long distance relationships but if u truly love the guy then get back to gether with him but if u dont no or u arent the dont get back to cuz it just aint worth it.
an if u want to feel better about it then find a new bf to get ur mind off of him i.e. nick :-P
good luck
2007-01-09 23:00:32 · answer #10 · answered by big_bro 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋