Can you solve my problems... read and then tell me death isn't the answer?

Question

- I'm 21
- I've never had a (proper) job.
- I have no qualifications.
- I didn't finish School, i left a year early for various reasons.
- I'm Agoraphobic, which means i'm scared to leave the house like a little baby.
- I'm depressed and don't wish to deal with the world, which immediately makes my chances of getting over these problems a whole lot slimmer.
- I have no friends... although i wouldn't really want any right now.
- I detest doctors and shrinks who attempt to judge me like a piece of meat. I guess that's one good quality i do have, i can read people like a book. I see you trying to read my body language.
- I still live with my parents (what a joke).
- I can't really speak to anyone other than my immediate family, not even my Gran or Auntie.
- I feel like such a burden, i feel that because of my pathetic condition i'm holding others in my family back.
- I'm trembling as i type this, because i'm worried what people may think... even though i will never meet you.

Any help?

Oh and by the way, i do realise alot of people are worse off than me. That just makes this worse, while they have the courage to fight through their problems... i submit to them.

Thanks for all the replies. There is some good advice in these answers. I can't promise it'll make a difference, but after sleeping on it - i'll at least consider where i can go from here.

Thanks again.

You know what? Screw this! The reason i hate the whole damn world is because of idiots like you briank24_7, you don't know anything about me and try and judge me from a few typed sentences. Sure the other answers were helpful, but i don't want to take part in a pathetic world with morons like you in it. Thanks for all the helpful answers... almost there, but not quite.

Answer 1

It's not a joke that you live with your parents, not in this day and age. You are only 21...a young man. Stop beating yourself up! Reading your question I can feel your hatred for yourself. You sound completely overwhelmed. You think you can read people like a book....what good is that? So what that some people judge you. You do not sound like a bad person. Doctors and shrinks are only human and they are there to help you whether you believe it or not. If you are afraid of living your life maybe you need some meds. A lot of people have social anxiety and you are depressed maybe that's why you don't leave the house, you're not necessarily agorophobic. There is no shame in getting some help be it chemical or otherwise. To give you an example, my girlfriends dad has a brain disorder and never left the top floor of the house, up all night and sleeping all day. She finally got him to the docs and was prescribed paxil and it's like a miracle happened. I've been to the house several times and he's able to sit and carry on a conversation and even offers you a coffee. Before the paxil you never knew he was in the house. I'm sure you have lots of good qualities, you just don't believe it anymore. You say you can talk to your immediate family so that's a good and positive thing. Please try talking to your doctor again...you need to live your life...you are certainly worth it. Everything will come in it's own time.



DO NOT PAY ANY ATTENTION TO NEGATIVE PEOPLE LIKE YOU KNOW WHO! There are 99% positive people in the world.....if you listen to the naysayers you have become one. If you read again nearly every poster is giving you hope. Hold on to that!

Answer 2

Death is not the answer, although I know exactly how you feel.

I was a capable, able, willing and very independent woman in my early 30's, holding down a job beyond my education and quite successful at it. Married to a great guy -still today- when I developed agoraphobia. What a nightmare! I spent years at the mercy of others as I was unable to go anywhere alone and very difficult even with someone. My doctor insisted I see a shrink but I refused, saying "I'm not crazy, something is wrong!!!"
Finally I gave in thinking I had no other options. That was the day I got my life back; after wasting 4 years of living and disrupting the lives of everyone around me. To say the least, I was depressed over that.
I take Clonazapam 1mg 4 times a day. The before and after were like night and day. I, too, thought life was not worth living. But I found out that I wasn't crazy. It is a chemical imbalance that I could not fix on my own. Can't be talked out or worked out. Medication is the only option for me. I have been on it for 20+ years and I guess I always will be. Fine with me!!

May I suggest you talk to a doctor about Clonazapam. If the first one won't give it a try, go to another, and another until you find someone who will help. (antidepressants sometimes cause depression, did for me anyway. so suggest you try to avoid them unless absolute necessary) I suggest you ask your doctor to check your hormone levels as well.

Eat right. Not too much caffine, not too much sugar. No achcol. Lots of meat and veggies.

I hate workouts, but you must walk a treadmill or something that gets blood moving for 20 to 30 minutes every day. I know you don't feel like it, neither do I and thousands more just like us.

If you will, try to read a chapter or at least a few versus from the Bible every day. Just try it. And talk to God/Jesus, try it!!!

Then, get your GED. Check around. There are prople who can help you with that.

Next, check into a Technical College for some training in something.

Take things as they come, don't rush, thinking you have to do everything right now. Don't put too much pressure on yourself too soon.

Someone does care. Someone who understands more so than anyone who has not lived it.I care a whole lot!! And, your not alone. There are far more of us than you might think.

Best of luck and may God bless.

Answer 3

Based on what you write, I really think it would help if you had some people to talk to. You may have to get counseling for now (and maybe long term) and that actually would be a good thing. Often the first counselor you have doesn't work out, but you know, it's like people you meet, some you like, some you don't.

I avoided people for a long time because I'm bipolar, and was afraid of being judged, so now I go to a consumer run drop in center, which is in other words, a socialization group for people with mental health issues that is run by the people who attend the group. You could try that (contact your county mental health social services) I dont' think most require you be getting social services. Or NAMI's local chapter might know (national alliance of mentally ill). These groups aren't just for people who are completely disabled, people with somewhat less severe problems need social support too. Other ideas would be joining a bowling league, birdwatching club, whatever your interests. But the reason I didn't do that is I am embarrassed I don't have a job. At a mental health support group, that will not be an issue.

Don't forget that depression itself causes horrible self-esteem and keeps people from getting help. Do your folks know you are depressed & do they know it is a treatable condition? You might need pills, or maybe counseling and getting out with other people & doing fun stuff will be enough for you. Humans are social beings-even introverts need others.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

OK first things first....the good news is you're only twenty-one. and....to tell you the truth i'm really impressed alot by you writing this question. I honestly am. It's a great start! What I like to do when I'm really scared or sad is just talk myself through things one step at a time. like for instance :ok self i'm just gonna go over here now and pick up my toothbrush, and then i'm gonna put on my toothpaste, and then i put the brush in my little mouth, and then i just go over here.....like be really nice to yourself as if you were just only little because you need to start from the beginning to fix things properly.
Next i would suggest talking tiny teeny baby steps towards getting used to people. Perhaps read alot of books and imagine yourself with the other people and just the sensation of how it would be. Very gently, but every day expose yourself a little bit more, and then just a little more, and a little more...ok yeah you get the idea.
Then think about maybe getting an online job so you don't have to leave the house, or maybe it would really help you to work with animals because not only is that soothing, but you often can work at dog pounds with little experience. Also i highly suggest a daycare or maybe oldfolks home because it's easy work requires minimal education and will help you become more social. and old people and kids aren't very judgemental because they don't know anything anyways. teehee
Then the last step which I saved for last because i think this one's outrageously hard, seriously i'm not kidding, it will be time to make friends....now don't scare yourself, just remeber people are thinking much much more about themselves than they are about you, so really they aren't judging you.
i honestly hate to see others suffer, so i give you all my emotional support and be brave! feel free to email [e-mail]

Answer 5

Listen love, yes everyone has their own plate of problems to deal with. It's okay to have problems, but they must be dealt with immediately, especially if it's controlling your life. You need to get help from the qualified professionals. It took me 10 years to see a counselor for my problems. I was always so stubborn, but now I'm happy I stopped acting as if didn't need help.

Try taking on-line courses, I'm sure you can get a stay at home job. I have an aunt that is Agoraphobic, she puts papers in envelops for a job at home. It's a job, right.

I've learned the hard way. Its great that you're making an effort for some guidance and help. I know how it is to be depressed. Not caring enough about anything, and everything seems so pointless and meaningless. It's a battle everyday to find happiness. Remember life is all about choices, You can choose to stay at home, and mope about your problems. OR you can get up and do something about it. You can let this illness prevent you from living, or you can take control and live your life.

Maybe medication will help you maybe it won't. I won't preach to you about how God will save you bullshit, I think sometimes even medication can't cure you. You need to make the change, with your attitude and outlook on life.

Try to tackle one problem at a time, take it day by day.

Good luck, and I hope you find happiness in the near future.

:)

Answer 6

One step at a time.

Yea, I read. You're 21, you're intelligent, you're articulate, strong communication skills, roof over your head, don't like to talk to your family, same employment situation as most people your age, following the national high school drop out trend, suffer with depression and agoraphobia.

Okay. What were the other questions?
Can I solve your problems? No.
Is the answer death? No.
Help? Maybe. Open wide, here's a spoonful. But you're not going to like the taste. That's okay. Neither did I.

If you broke your leg, you'd seek professional treatment.
Same thing here.
United Way has a telephone number: 211. Call it. Ask for a 24hr suicide hotline number.
Maybe you'd like to call that hotline number before getting other referral numbers you can get from them...just to shorten that first call....it's okay to call them back to get the rest of the phone numbers.
United Way can give you a list to other community resources, some free and sliding scale income based (no wage=no pay)....You didn't like the treatment you had before?
Here's reality...therapy is a service like any other consumer service. Sometimes you have to shop at more than one place.

Also, free is an Employee Assistance Program or EAP/EAR, which your parent's employer(s) probably have...free and totally confidential toll-free number. But that means getting your parents involved.

I don't what's going on in your family, but a lot of 21 year olds think they can't talk to a family member about their lives and what's going on. They were your age once. You might be surprised. Whatever you think...they do love you. You live under their roof, why don't you ask?

You've taken a great step forward with this Y!Question. More than you know.

I attempted suicide at 19. My brother succeeded at 21. I thought I couldn't survive it. I wished to god he had.

There have been times I thought I couldn't hold on, but did. You're stronger than you realize. Strong enough to hold on and try again.

Make the call. One day, you'll be glad you did.

Answer 7

I feel for your problems as I have suffered from some of these things myself.
You can get qualifications through online college programs.
Completing a course on line will also help with self esteem issues.
Doctors and "shrinks" are here to help you not to judge you.
If you feel judged by them address that with them.
Your family is your support group and living at home makes them available 24/7 and I do not see that as a bad thing.
Find help on line too. There a numerous support groups out there! You can talk to them without the reservations you might have at home because, as you mention, you will never meet them.
This will lessen your dependancy on your family and put you one step toward leaving home if that is your desire.
Death is an answer, not THE answer. You have some desire to make yourself better or you wouldn't have asked the question! Try to run with it. At least try to walk with it!

Answer 8

The only problem I see is that you don't think you have any worth and therefore you think you need to die. That is far from the case. Those problems that you mention may not really be problems. There just what you think society would feel to be correct. Why is it a failure that you quit school? Why is it a failure that you may not have friends that you feel comfortable talking to? What is a proper job? I'll bet you have some good qualities about you. Take it as a challenge. If your not comfortable with Dr's., then think of things you would like to accomplish and win them over one at a time, on your on. Good luck

Answer 9

Okay, you are smart... so, I will not go into what you already know.

Okay, now... you never mentioned if you are taking any SSRI inhibitor medications.

If not medications, thank goodness, and I know your future is going to be really cool if you stick it out.

Every person who survived a suicide would say, "Oh no... I shouldn't have....SPLAT" and my favorite fraze from a suicide victim was this, "Suicide is a long term answer for a short term solution."

Meaning, you have a perception that it's an eternity to feel the way you do.

I know, I know... F#@# Y@$# too... But, I do know how you feel. I've been there and done that, but it was drug induced.

If you were on meds, then I would have had an answer as to why your hormones are all out of whack as they affect moods and anxiety and depression.

Message me when you can.

Answer 10

You answered your own question when you wrote that you were 21. You have your whole life to finish school, get a job, find your own place and make friends. Please find a counselor you can trust and work with him or her. Just take it one step at a time and do a little something each day to work towards your goals. Also, those parents that you live with love you and probably enjoy having you around. I am not sure what condition you are in or what is wrong but your not in a race and you have time to deal with it. Please take a few deep breaths now and talke to someone you can trust! Depression is treatable and although it may take a little effort to see results, it will be worth it.