What would you do with a mouthy 10 year old daughter?

Question

She's talking pre-teen already, smart mouthed and sometimes rude to me (not others or her Dad) Gosh! When I was her age I was still playing with Barbies. I know I need to "Nip it".
How would you do it? Thanks!

Actually, I didn't mean to imply that pre-teens are all rude and mouthy.

Great answers! Thanks everyone!

Answer 1

You can approach this from 2 different perspectives.

1.) Reasoning with her. In a non-threatening manner, ask her why she feels the need to be smart mouthed and rude. Explain that this hurts your feelings, is disrespectful and embarrassing. Ask her how she would feel if someone were so disrespectful to her. Make this discussion one that is very grown up. Make is a "sit down" discussion and let her know that you're not trying to belittle her but that she needs to be more considerate and respectful.

Ask her where she learned this behavior. It could be that she has heard friends do this and she thinks it's cool. You could then meet with the other mother(s) and if all 3 of you can agree on a plan you can correct the behavior(s) together.

2.) When she starts this behavior start taking away privileges and adding chores. No TV, no telephone, no friends visiting, no computer, no videos, no ipod, no computer games, etc. Add chores to take their place. Vacuuming, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, washing dishes, folding laundry, etc. And don't forget outdoor chores if you don't live in an apartment. Raking leaves, shoveling the walk, taking out the garbage, etc. There's no such thing as girls chores vs boys chores.

Take privileges away one by one and simultaneously add a chore until she has nothing left to occupy her time other than chores. She will soon get the message. If she continues to mouth off then extend the time for losing the privileges/added chores. Make sure she does her chores correctly. My mom used to tell us..."if you do it half as_ed you will have to do it over and over until it is done right".

Since she doesn't do this with anyone else she has figured out that you are the easiest target for "testing her wings". You need to take her in hand as quickly as possible because this behavior will soon be inflicted upon others.

Answer 2

The Preteen years are a tough time...lots of hormones raging, and no clue how to deal with it. Since your daughter isn't being rude to others or her dad, I wouldn't worry too much about it. She probably sees you as a safe "outlet." However, you do need to let her know this is still not acceptable. Don't be too harsh (putting her in her room all night sounds kinda severe.) Keep the communication lines open. Remind her that she needs to show you respect...and in return, be respectful to her. Encourage her to come to you whenever she needs to talk. You have several tricky years ahead of you. But if she knows she can talk to you and even sometimes express negative thoughts (in a respectful way) then you'll be surprised how smooth the teen years can go. My daughter is 15 and she tells me everything, and is my best friend. So I know firsthand how open communication can work out very well! Good luck!

Answer 3

Mine just turned 12.Though startted mouthy at 10 or maybe it was 8. She thinks she is a teenager. I remind her all the time excuse me please I am the mother. She says I know what did I say.Or WHAT. I to crazy. Stick to your guns and let her know you demand respect and you are not playing house you are the mom.My girl can be rude sometimes and it hurts my feelings and its ok to let her know that because communication starts now very very important!!! I talk to her about alot of stuff and shes opening up to me and telling me stuff this is important cuz this is where we want them to come to us about-sex and all that other stuff.They grow up so fast dont they. I tell mine all the time dont rush it its so scary in the big real world unless your ready. Goodluck!!!!!!

Answer 4

My 10yo is trying the same thing. Everytime she starts she loses something that is important to her like her nintendo ds, use of the phone, tv, a visit with a friend, an overnighter, etc... She also has to do a chore like the dishes, vacumn, fold laundry... It has made her think twice before she gets started.

Answer 5

Never act hurt or angry when she does it. (She does it for the reaction.) Don't ever yell back, or argue with her AT ALL. Your only reaction should be to immediately send her to her room for the rest of the evening. (If school's already out.) If it's morning, then when she gets home from school, send her immediately to her room. (No phone, no TV, no computer allowed in the room.) Pretty soon she'll see that it's really NOT to her advantage to mouth off.

Answer 6

Sounds like she knows she can get away with talking to you that way. She's not talking to others like that.

The more she's in her room alone, the worse it will get.

Make her be with the family as a whole. The only reason she should be alone is to sleep.

Make her EARN privledges.

Answer 7

Give her a good whack untill she realizes what she is doing. I am joking. Kids have currancy. They do something bad, take somthing that they like away.

Answer 8

everytime she mouths you take away one of her favorite things . dont let her have it back until she learns, i think at that she should be playing barbie too.

Answer 9

Show her that she can't get away with it. Take away privileges that she thinks can't be taken away. Let her dad now how you feel about it, and make sure he doesn't let her get away with it around you.

Answer 10

whoop her a*s*s