Do I "ban" my parents from my home or allow them to defy me with smoking? I asked them not to, but they did.

Question

I am a light smoker, who will quit, but have failed to do so yet though I have tried. I have a 3 year old and do not allow smoking around her. I smoke on my back porch, sit in nonsmoking sections, etc. Though, for a short time, I lived in a 2nd story apartment and did when she was asleep, but leaned to the window with a fan and very seldom. My parents smoke 3-4 packs each a day. They live 2 states away and the nearest motel to my house is 15 miles. They came to visit. It was cold and raining. They refused to go outside, smoked in the basement, in the spare bedroom, or sat next to the door opened, but not blowing smoke out. I argued with them and told them not to, but they said then they would leave and not come back. I ignored it (it was Christmas) and told them how I felt. Now, they say that I have banned them because I won't allow them to smoke in my house. What do you think? Please identify if you are a smoker or not.

I am also involved in a custody dispute which will last a couple months, says my attorney. I cannot cross state lines to visit my parents until resolved and my "ex" says he plans to make an issue of her being around smoke in the custody case, though other than the extremely few times in that 2nd story apartment, I have not smoked around her and HAVE NOT AT ANY OTHER TIMES. I feel they are putting me against a brick wall. Help!

Answer 1

My Mom and I smoke in the house when my Dad is at work but when he's home, he is bothered by the smell so we light up outside.
Even as a light smoker, I am bothered by second hand smoke being blown in my face.
It's not fair for your children to be exposed to the dangers of second hand smoke.
Since it is your home, anyone who visits should respect your rules and keep your children's health in mind.
If your parents refuse to come over because they can't smoke then so be it. What's more important to them, visiting with family or inhaling 3-4 packs a day?

Answer 2

I am a smoker. Yes, you ban your parents from your home if they will not abide by your wishes when they are visiting. Technically they are banning themselves. It's your home and your child and you should do what you see fit to protect your child. This is a boundaries issue. They want to still be in control. You are a grown woman and you need to make your life the way you want it. If your parents will not honor and respect YOUR authority in your own home let them deal with the consequences. Next time if they say they will leave if you won't let them smoke, you tell them goodbye. It will be awkward and sad at first, once they see you mean business they will start respecting you and your authority in your own home.

Answer 3

You are absolutely right to not want smoking around your daughter. Since your parents are heavy smokers (and from a different generation than we are) you may want to consider letting them have the spare room to smoke. Set up a table, chairs, next to a window, get those smokeless ashtrays, and do your best to air out as they smoke.

Your options? To really ban your parents from seeing your daughter? That's not right (It's not right that they smoke, but what can you do?) When you go to their house, I assume it's a big smoke fest, so sometimes you have to pick your battles. I think for the sake of family, you may have to let this one go, but do have them in a separate room to smoke. (SCRUB when they leave!!!) Too bad they couldn't just go outside, try to work on that, but don't insist on it if they are old.

Even if they did smoke outside, the smoke lingers on clothes and the poisons on fingers etc.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. But it's better to have loving grandparents/parents than not being able to see them because they smoke. And if they are smoking that much, they may not be around very long, enjoy them while you can and don't stress over the little things.

Answer 4

EX- SMOKER I quit for my husbands health but never did I smoke in the house around my children. STAND YOUR GROUND it's your home and your parents should respect that. If My parents were smokers I would not allow them to smoke in my home. Even when I did smoke I never allowed people to smoke in my home. It's hard to quit pick out a date to do it get a friend that you can call when you need a pep talk so you don't light up. you have to be ready to quit if you want to be successful.

Go luck with quiting . Hope your custody battle goes your way.

Answer 5

stick to your guns. You can loose your child in a custody hearing
if it can be proven that you are negligent with her health. Maybe
explain that to your parents...I'm sure they would not want you to
loose you child.

My New Year resolution was to shop smoking and today is the
9th day and I don't even think about cigarettes. Although I do
have a crutch "Nicorette gum" not too bad....

You have not banned your parents from the house, but you must
be firm and don't worry, we (Parents) always give into our kids,
especially if they're right. Good luck

Answer 6

I do not smoke. But at many of my friends houses, with some being both the parents smoke, go outside to smoke. As many people that I find that do this and it being common to not smoke in any public building by law should your parents not be use to this? Yes you would like your parents to come visit but they need to go by the house rules. If you took your child to live with your parents you would have to go by thir rules. If you went to visit then you would not tay long if the smoke bothred you. This is just an example of things are the way they are and your parents will come around in the future. It just takes time.

Answer 7

You absolutely have every right to expect your parents to obide by your rules while in your house. It is a common courtesy. They were rude not to obide. It is a respect thing. Plus it does subject your daughter to a lot of health problems from second hand smoke. With that said I dont think the judge is going to make an issue about the time you smoked in your second story apartment and I definately dont think he would have you keep the child away from its grandparents. But, I do think you have to lay down the law with them, if they love you they will respect you enough to not smoke in front of the child. Good luck. P. S. I am a former smoker. 18 years ago I quit.

Answer 8

I am a smoker also and my fiance had a massive stroke about 1 year ago.He had to quit smoking and drinking.I respect him by going outside to smoke.I don't allow anyone in my home to smoke unless they agree to go outside bottom line if they don't like it then I tell them don't bother comming over.It's there lost.My fiance just says baby thank you for respecting me like that.I will stand on it and if your parents don't like and or friends then so be it.

Answer 9

Non smoker
They are being selfish and using it as an excuse not to have to visit, let them.
Your ex has a good point, I used the same one with my kid. Judge agreed it was a health risk.

Answer 10

If your parent's don't care about your child's health and, less importantly, your wishes then don't let them in your house. They may be your parents but it's your child and your house.