Women- getting married and not changing your last name?

Question

My brother in law and his wife have been married 5 years.

She has decided to not take his name when they got married.

They have signed my niece up for Kindergarten. Because of the difference of the last name of the mother and child, they think she's single/divorced.

Anyone have feedback on how this will effect this child?

Answer 1

Is your sister an actress, a congresswoman or senator or someone who has made a name for herself (no pun intended) previous to getting married? Is your last name (or maiden name) something lame like Flucker (I have a girlfriend who just married a guy named Joe Flucker and even she took his last name - although I might have drawn the line there :-) If it is none of the above I think keeping your maiden name is kind of lame especially once you have children.

Answer 2

I agree that yes, it is a personal decision, but I do agree with that woman. I definitely will NEVER take my husband's name when I get married as I feel I loose my identity of who I am, my heritage, all while becoming the man's property. And if a guy ever was disappointed or mad that I won't change my name, I would never marry him. Why doesn't he change HIS name then? Guys get it easy. They don't have to change anything, they keep their identity, who they are, who they grew up as, and they don't go through the hassle of changing licenses, SIN, etc. I guess I just hate how women are automatically assumed to. When you first get married, the traditional thing is they say, "Mr. and Mrs...." and the guy's name. Blah. Definitely won't be that way at my wedding. If I ever have children, I am also going to combine my husband and I's last names for them. But everyone has their own personal values and opinions. To each his own I guess.

Answer 3

My mother kept her maiden name, and I am now an adult and can say that I don't think it ever affected me. I think occassionally people would ask, but once I explained it, it never came up again. I can't remember anyone ever teasting me or giving me a hard time. I think my mom, who currently teaches High School, gets more questions and flak about it from her students than I ever did from my peers. But, mind you, every generation and community is different so your neice's mileage may vary. But given that about 20% of college-educated women nowadays keep their maiden name, it should be less foreign than when I grew up.

Whenever I filled out paperwork that asked for parents' names (for school field trips, emergency contacts and whatnot) , I just made sure to put both my mother and father's full names on it to make sure my mother wouldn't get hassled should an emergency arise.

I guess one side effect is that I don't feel obligated to change my name when I get married, since it is normal to me that a woman would keep her own name. And, my last name isn't something awful ;)

Answer 4

It won't affect the child negatively. LOTS of kids have parents with different last names. Whether a child's parents are divorced or never married or just kept their own names, a school shouldn't have any problem with handling this at all. And kids are very used to seeing all kinds of different situations with their friend's last names, including hyphenated names. It's very normal and mainstream now.

Answer 5

I dont think it's going to affect the child much what name his mom has. Is everyone stable and happy in the home? That's what matters to the child. Nosy teachers and neighbours, on the other hand, could make things difficult if they start asking the kid all sorts of questions. They should ask the parents.

Answer 6

If the school is that judgemental over her martial status haha maybe they should think about putting the child in another school.. If the school is gona judge the child by their parents martial status thats a even better reason to rethink sending that child to that school, so that child wont be effected by that ignorance.

Answer 7

it will not effect the child, I is fine for the mother not to change her last name. I met a lot of people that don't change there last name. it is a common thing now a days.

Answer 8

Who cares what people think ALOT of women don't change their lastname.. Is not a crime and I don't think that will effect the child at all.. My mother didn't change her lastname when she got married with my dad and that has never effected me in anyway. Im doing just fine and now that I think about it NO ONE in my family has changed their last name when married (women) everyone is doing ok no effects on anyone.......

Answer 9

Well the child will probably embrace the fact that her mother decided to keep her identity rather than be forced to assume another one. I have come to know many mothers who kept their last name and their daughters upon marrying chose to change it to their husband's.

Answer 10

"nanomumb" is absolutely right! I was married some decades ago, even then at that time, I didn't see the need to take on my husband's surname and he didn't see the need/difference at all too. What difference does it make? NONE Most people do so out of "societal pressure"