I may need a therapist. I don't know. My mom is extremly overprotective, and I'm extremely independent. She calls me between 1 and 3 times per day. If I go out shopping with my friends, she calls my husband and wants to know when I'll be back, where I am, who drove, and if he minds for me going out with my friends? She is driving me bananas, and I end up snapping at her on a weekly basis. I love her, and I want so badly to have a good relationship with her, but I can't stand the constant behavior police. I started a home show sales business, and now she is griping about how she worries about me being on the road at night, and how dangerous it is, and how my son needs me. Every day is a guilt trip of some form or fashion. I don't know what to do, I'm at my wits end. I'm 29, this has got to stop or it is going to ruin my relationship with her. Everything I do, is up to her to conduct her 20 questions, and then the guilt trip if I don't comply. pray for me, i'm going insane, and I'm sad.
2007-01-09 13:32:42 · 14 answers · asked by kinsey c 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She need to let the cord be cut.
You need to tell her you need your space
2007-01-09 13:36:17 · answer #1 · answered by zen522 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're asking how you can change someone, and life doesn't work that way. Anyway, she's not trying to control your life; she just has none of her own so every little thing you do is of great interest to her. She needs to find something else to do.
I'd treat her the same way I treat my pesky Aunt. Get caller i.d. and don't answer if it's her. Don't listen to the voice mail. I tell her I didn't hear it because I wanted to hear it from her. Call her back once a day at the same time every day, and only for 15 minutes. Send her lots of cards and flowers so she knows you love her, but limit conversations to 15 minutes, once a day.
You can want a good relationship til the cows come home. If she's not capable of it, you won't get it.
.
2007-01-09 13:36:41 · answer #2 · answered by Kacky 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mom will always view you as her baby no matter how old you are. They worry and fret about your safety, even though you can take well and good care of yourself. Moms are like lionesses that way. But it sounds like your mom is stepping way over boundaries. She is doing this because you are letting her. Your husband could be a great help to you the next time your Mom calls and you are out. He needs to tell her in a firm yet nice way that you have gone out and he trusts that you are a smart lady able to protect herself. Then you need to tell your mom that she raised a woman who is strong and independent and able to think on her own. Chances are your Mom won't get the hint though, so you are going to have to re-train her with your responses to her obsessiveness and need to know mentality. When you stop engaging her behavior with answers, she will stop asking.
2007-01-09 17:54:22 · answer #3 · answered by MelB 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to grow some thick skin. If you tell your mother how you really feel, it would be the wrong thing to do. Just put up with her, and don't encourage her questioning. Keep your answers short. Short answers discourage further questioning. Your mother may annoy you, but she is your mother. Realize that this is just the way she is. I am sure, however; that she probably loves you very much and that she has the best of intentions.
What it really comes down to, is she has an unfulfilled NEED to be NEEDED. You have to find ways for her to apply herself in ways that don't press your buttons.
No harsh words, everyone gets what they really want, no one gets hurt.
good luck.
2007-01-09 13:45:23 · answer #4 · answered by great gig in the sky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to stop. It's abuse and harassment. If you have to, get a restraining order against her.
SHE needs help and to get a life of her own. You are over 18 and you're no longer a child in need of her care. Some people can't take a hint and you have to be rude...PLEASE get some help for her before she's really gone around the bend and does something she'll regret.
I'm surprised you and your husband have tolerated it for this long.
I commend you for not killing her...(which is what I would have done...I have no patience with idiots...)
2007-01-09 13:42:14 · answer #5 · answered by Chrys 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs the therapy more than you. You have to establish boundaries with the people you love who are effecting your life and feelings like that. You seem to be out of character when she is constantly checking up on you. I know how that is. If you don't like what is going on, then its time for a change. If you let it keepp going then thats exactly what will happen. She is your momma and she may have her feelings hurt for a minute, but she wont stop loving you for being honest....Luck!!
2007-01-09 13:39:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 20, in college and my mom is a pest, but I Love her. Trust me you have to confront her or it will get worse than it alreday is.
Never approach her angry, she will only take it as a threat. Tell her your not trying to hurt her feelings but she makes you feel _____(fill in the blank)
Let her know you are doing the best you can to be there for your family, and if there is a problem your husband is there to help out.
Express that you appreciate her in your life, and want you both to remain close, but you have your own life to live as a grown women,.
Part of being your own person, is having the freedom to make your own mistakes, and learning to live on your own terms.
2007-01-09 13:48:20 · answer #7 · answered by Purple Haze 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
shes probable performing like this because she doesnt pick you to advance up so quickly 13 is the age the position young children commence questioning there grown even as your extremely no longer shes basically attempting to be sure shes there or maybe as the time is sweet she'll let go of your hand some father and mom are worse then your mom dont take it own because once you grow to be a mom its gonna hit you and your going to commence to be shielding too and at 13 and 14 lot of youngsters starts to get abducted thats yet an additional reason dont take it to personal its for the suitable seem once you grow to be 18 shes no longer gonna seem over you, shes probable going to offer up calling you and your going to comprehend you omit her and needs her to be shielding imagining no longer having you mom, so shes making particular she did each little thing for you at an early age
2016-12-28 13:55:32 · answer #8 · answered by strandberg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Mom and I set up a call in time - I called her in the morning for a few minutes before my day started and she called me for a few minutes after I got home. Note - not long phone calls. This reassured her that I was safe and in contact. Perhaps something deliberately set up will help you too.
2007-01-09 13:40:22 · answer #9 · answered by kny390 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Silly.
Just let her know you have a family and come up with a 2 a week time to talk. It is not that big of a deal. You are making it bigger by not communicating with her. Dr Zebato
2007-01-09 13:39:40 · answer #10 · answered by zebato_wadata 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow..at least you don't have to live with one!!! Just be grateful for the time being! Because when she's gone, your gonna turn out and want this to happen. Take it for now...may patience be by ur side =) and it's ME you should be praying for!! :(
2007-01-09 13:40:10 · answer #11 · answered by islandgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋