Moms and dads..please help?

Question

How can my husband and I punish our 3 year old without feeling bad about it?

Answer 1

I use the word discipline, not punishment. Children learn from experience and their environment. You must first control that environment and be consistent in your teaching/discipline. It takes a lot of time to be a good, consistent parent. Sometimes we have to forgo some things ourselves in the process of disciplining them. Many parents are selfish and unwilling to do that. The best way to keep from feeling guilty is: always tell them what the unacceptable behavior is, tell them how they will be disciplined, and be consistent. Always let them know you love them and try not to show anger in the discipline. You can't correct them today and let them get away with it tomorrow because you DON'T HAVE THE TIME RIGHT NOW. Don't threaten and not deliver. A warning is okay, especially for a first time offense. The best reason for a lack of guilt is to know that you are doing something good for them, in order for them to function well all through life. They will really appreciate it and let you know later in life.

Answer 2

You have to love your child enough to be willing to sacrifice your feelings to teach your child the difference between right and wrong. Never scream at your child. Never beat your child. But a little tap on the bottom, or slap on the hand, or time out in a corner followed by a short time to think about the horrific offense they have done is not a bad way to go. Follow all that up with lots of hugs and kisses. You have to remember you would not be a good parent if you let your child run you and get away with bad behavior. Life will be so much harder for them as they get older. From a very early age they need to learn the very real truth that "life is not fair and baby doesn't get his/her way all the time".

Answer 3

I try to use punishment for major offenses only.

I have a 2 1/2 year old, and she responds best by talking to her and explaining (in terms a 2 1/2 year old can understand) that what she is doing is not right. Then, if she continues, I will try to remove her from the situation or guide her in to another activity.

Normally, when given a choice to stop throwing a toy or have it taken away, she will 99% of the time reply - I'll stop.

But, when it comes to the major offenses, such as hitting, etc. She is sent to her room to sit in her bed for a few minutes. I have only had to do this a few times, and she hated it.

But, when it comes to discipline, if you do have to hand down a punishment, then try not to feel guilty. As long as you are being fair, and not harming the child, they will learn the behavior is wrong, and you are doing a good job.

Answer 4

It is naturel to feel bad about it. I have started time-outs for our almost 3 year old. Right now she is more upset about being seperate from her sisters, and that seems to be punishment enough for her right now. It depends on what is being done. A little swat on the hand for doing something wrong with their hand is acceptable. I heard a psycologist say if you spank out of anger you are doing it for the wrong reason, you spank (once) out of love and let them know you don't like it when you have to spank them. If you swat more than once it can turn into anger on your part. If you want to stay away from spanking that's fine, but you need to find something that works for your 3 year old and be careful what you are punishing over. Is it really that big of a deal? Chose what you punish wisely! Spilling juice? No punishment, give them a paper towel to help clean up. Throwing juice at you out of anger? Punishment, they clean it up AND get a time out or whatever you find that works. Good luck, and remember; the happy times stand out more than the unhappy ones. :)

Answer 5

Just to remember that you are the parents. If you feel bad about punishing your 3 year old then how would you discipline he/she as time goes by.

Answer 6

its like this its never fun when you have to punish your kids but its part of the job because what he does now is not that serious but as he gets older if guidelines have not been set then it will get worse and then you will feel bad not for the punishment you will have to give but for the fact that you will know half his problem is him not caring about the rules and that's your fault! as for feeling bad my main rule is never let them see you sweat! i am a mother of 2 and a daycare provider for the last 15 years and have a degree in early childhood education and the punishment part of my job as teacher and mother has never been the fun part but its almost as important as the love part because they go hand in hand i even tell my kids i am sorry its time out for you for jumping off the table but i love you to much to let you do something so dangerous and think its OK so now you need to go and think about it! it will send a positive message about why punishment is happening as well as remind you that your not punishing to be mean your doing it because if you love your child you want to know that rules have been set so that they are safe and have a good path to follow! and when they don't that they will get a clear message about how serious you are!

Answer 7

Without feeling bad about it? Never gonna happen...to this day I still feel bad when I have to punish my kids. But it has to be done. You have to decide for yourself what method you are comfortable with and that you feel is effective. Time-out? Loss of favorite toy or activity for an amount of time depending on trangression? It never feels good to be the heavy...but remember..you are doing it because you love them..not because you enjoy it. Helping mold a healthy, responsible, loving person is no easy task. Good Luck!! :)

Answer 8

If you don't punish him, but teach him, you can feel terrific, because you are meeting your obligation to him to help him become a self-guiding person.

Don't hit, because it teaches nothing but fear and it should make you feel bad to do it.

Have clear expectations, use reminders and rule stating - couches are not for jumping on - have appropriate expectations of him, give him 15, 10, and 5 minute warnings when you are changing activities.

Give him lots of attention when he does what he want, ignore the 'bad' when you can. Keep him out of day care, which has been shown to cause discipline problems (among many other problems) in young kids. Play with him - at least 15 minutes an hour of every waking hour - on the floor playing at his direction is necessary for his development. Read with him. At 3, he should be so delightful that you mostly just enjoy him.

The book "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk" is the most awesome, practical, respectful, pro-parent, pro-child guide to real discipline solutions and techniques ever. Also, read http://www.naturalchild.org about discipline and the needs of kids.

Because we try hard to discipline appropriately, I don't feel badly about it. If my child feels badly after a consequence, I can feel satisfied knowing that I'm helping him prepare for his future. And talk talk talk about your values.

If you didn't use day care and especially if you nursed him, your son wants to please you. Make your expectations clear, your delight in him strong, your disapproval of him gentle and infrequent, and he will be amazing.

Answer 9

It is hard not to feel bad when you have to punish your children. Try time outs first. If that doesn't work then you will have to punish them. It's hard not to feel bad I know but you have to do it or else they will never learn. I do feel bad when I have to punish my girls but they haven't done what they did to get punished for again.

Answer 10

No one feels good about having to punish our kids, but if you don't do something about bad behavior you will have a uncontrollable child. The time out or naughty chair seems to work well now days.