my son quiet school last feb. He was 17 years old Now he is 18.he was in the 10th grade.I want him to get his ged or a job. How do I movide him ? I know you probley thinking take things away from him like his car& etc, I am not like that. & no i am not kicking him out. He is a good kid.
2007-01-09 12:45:58 · 11 answers · asked by popcornpickles 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Oh no, you don't have to start taking things away....just stop enabling him. You are doing exactly what an enabler does for any addiction...allowing a behavior to continue. You say he's a good kid, but what's he doing all day? Not working and not learning. That doesn't sound like good kid material to me, sounds like he's practicing for a life time of mooching off his parents or a spouse.
What do you really want? People aren't motivated by anything but need...he doesn't need anything. He's got food, car, internet, whatever else you've provided. Does he clean house and do the dishes, cook meals, etc? Are you working to support him?
We don't know enough about your situation to say anything else.
2007-01-09 13:10:36 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dzwomper is right! You *need* to start taking things away from him, for his own good! In this day and age, without at least a high school degree, your son is doomed to a life of failure, misery and hardship. It might already be too late, but you need to try to teach him about responsibility. At 18, he is legally an adult; whether you are "like that" or not is beside the point. As his mother, YOU have the responsibility to FORCE him make a tough choice: A. he can go back to school. B. he can get his GED. C. he can get a job and pay rent to you. or D. he can get out of your house and try fending for himself with his 10th grade education (and good luck to him)! You are his mother, not his pal. At this point, you are not doing him any favors by babying him. You say he's a "good kid," but if he doesn't turn his life around quickly, he's going to be nothing but a loser (at best)! At this point, tough love is the only hope this kid has. You are failing your son by NOT being "like that."
2007-01-09 21:04:53 · answer #2 · answered by seamonkeyavenger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's 18, virtually a man. What does he think he should be doing with his life? What does he want to do with his life? What's happened that he isn't already excited about and motivated to do something about his future?
Was it a school environment or program that ignored his needs? Was it parents who didn't encourage any interests? Is it depression? It would be helpful to know how he ended up in such an unusual state, so that you can help him help himself past it.
Here's the bottom line - it's his life. He needs to provide you with a plan for his life. I don't think you should kick him out; he's very young and he's uneducated.
He should not have a car if he doesn't work unless he is using that car to help you. If you provide him with things like a car even tho he doesn't work or isn't getting his GED, then you have removed the motivation for him to work for things himself. However, you don't take it away because he isn't doing something, you don't give it because he isn't doing anything. That is, it should be a carrot, not a stick.
The biggest carrot has got to be what he wants to do with his life. Help him figure it out and help him work on a plan to get there and help him monitor himself so that he knows he's moving in the right direction.
2007-01-09 21:15:10 · answer #3 · answered by cassandra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes 18 its simple- NO job NO home. Get a job or get out. Hes 18 if its his car you really cant take it away from him. He is an ADUlLT he chose his path tell him to walk it and get a job or else. But you have to mean it cause with some guys this age they just will wait to see if you mean it. Give him until a certain day and then pack his stuff for him. You can give him the option of going back to school. But even going to school he needs a job if he has a car he has expenses.
2007-01-09 20:53:56 · answer #4 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not that good of a kid if he doesn't care about himself enough to do anything! And why'd he drop out?! Be honest with yourself about the circumstances. The only thing that would work is to give him an ultimatum to get a job, or go back to school (he can go to vocational school or community college without completing high school, perhaps that would be MORE motivating to him to know). He has to learn to sink or swim at this point
2007-01-09 22:38:52 · answer #5 · answered by Honesty given here! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you're not going to put your foot down then nothing is going to come out of it. Apparently he has been running things for quite a while. If you don't kick him out or take things away he will freeload forever.
He may be a good kid but he needs to know that his actions hold consequenses- good or bad. If you really love him you will teach him this. He will never learn to truely function in socitey if you don't teach him how. If it isn't you it will be the penal system.
I know, this is what my Aunt is dealing with EXACTLY!!!
2007-01-09 20:59:59 · answer #6 · answered by K W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Did you set a good example?
If you are not willing to dish out any kinds of punishment then you have to be ready for the results.
It seems to me that you let him do what he wants with no consequences. You can't get him back into school, not with that attitude.
But - you could always offer him money to go back to school, that seems more your style. Bribe him. It will work.
2007-01-10 00:22:46 · answer #7 · answered by SBirry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that a GED is good for him that he can get a better job that way. Then sit down and help him find a job.
2007-01-09 21:16:03 · answer #8 · answered by syra_furena 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him, you need to hold him accountable, and set him up for success. If he is able to live with you, and not follow any rules, and have a car, and get you to pay his insurance, gas bill, etc, there IS no motivation to get a job and provide for himself.
You need to change before he will.
2007-01-09 20:55:15 · answer #9 · answered by sacanda_trina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell he has to get a job in order to pay rent, or go back to school. you not being 'like that' is his reason for being like he is.
2007-01-09 20:54:05 · answer #10 · answered by dzwomper 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋