What do you say or not say to someone you love dearly who has just attempted suicide?

Question

A very special person to me has been struggling with suicidal thoughts on and off throughout his life. He quit drinking about 3 months ago, recovering alcoholic. He just started working again doing what he loves, he has been sober and repairing relationships that were damaged by his alcoholism, including ours. I have loved him for a long time - the feelings are mutual. We had a beautiful relationship that was damaged by the alcoholism. We started talking daily again and have just recently started seeing each other, taking things one step at a time VERY slowly. I have been very encouraging, supportive, and so very proud of his progress... and now this. I can visit him Thursday evening in a mental health facility where he has been hospitalized, but I'm afraid I will say something that will cause more damage. Any suggestions? Any topics to avoid? This is not something people go through on a daily basis... any experienced or professional opinions would be greatly appreciated...

Thank you all for your encouraging words... especially those of you with personal experience. He just called, he can't have visitors yet... he is trying to comfort me as he can tell I'm worried. Hopefully this is the last incident like this...

Answer 1

As a health professional, I would like to add a few thoughts.

Don't try to say or not say anything. The one thing that your friend needs is someone who sees him as normal...not some suicidal guy. Be yourself. Open up the conversation with a big hug. Let him cry or be quiet, or deny it...or what ever he needs. Because that is the one thing he will want from you.

It is hard to start over. Alcohol can really cover up a depression. Perhaps he is just starting to feel some of the pain that he has covered for so long. Just be there and say you can do the next steps with him so he won't feel so lonely. And down or whatever phrase expresses it best.

You might want to contract with him in the future. That means get him to promise to tell you he wants to commit suicide versus not tell you. It sounds horrible, but just to know that someone will sit there and hold your hand through a bad time is a life saver.

There is no way to know what he is going through. And you can't fix or prevent it. But you can be there...no matter what. And that is what matters most.

BE HIS FRIEND NO MATTER WHAT...AND TELL HIM THAT. BESIDES GETTING HIM TO LAUGH AGAIN AND MOVE ON TO THE NEXT THING THAT HE NEEDS TO DO.

Everyone's life sucks that much occasionally. He just was so down he let his impulse get the best of him.

Smile and walk in ...and just live life with him. The rest will come.

Answer 2

This is going to sound really heartless and mean but I am going to say it anyway. From personal experience I have learned that if someone, anyone, really wants to kill themselves there is nothing anyone can do. I have also learned that the people you would least suspect of suicide are the ones who do it. OK, asking why here is a fair question so I will explain. The people who overdose or cut themselves and call someone to talk to and tell about it are attention seekers. They do not really want to die, they are just starved for attention. My x husband use to tell me "I will kill myself" everytime I said I was leaving. So I felt responsiable and I stayed. I started feeling like I was being held in this emotional hostage situation. So the next time he said this to me I said, "well do it outside because I am not going to clean up your mess!" He never said it again, and although we are now divorced he is still very much alive and well. Experience has also taught me that it is the quiet ones, the people who seem like life is great and they don't have a care in the world are the ones who succeed. The ones who you get this phone call from a freind of yours telling you that so and so was found hanging in his garage and your sitting there thinking "no way, we all had plans to go out this weekend, he has been so happy!" I don't believe there is any correct answer to this question. I think the big question here is how long you are willing to allow yourself to be held in this emotional hostage state? I am by no means trying to be ignorant or appear heartless. I do believe in helping others through hard times but I also feel that in our own quest to be helpful we become enablers. So weather it's a friendship or a relationship sometimes you have to know when it's time to let go and hope and pray for the best. Sometimes without that attention to enable some people to do the things they do, they become stronger. I am a firm believer in, "that which does not kill us will make us stronger."

Answer 3

I have worked with a lot of mental ill people thru out the years. It may seem like your friend has two problems, alcoholic, and depression? Alcohol is a natural depressant, so if he could be supported not to drink, and have friends that don't drink that would be good. Also he needs to get into therapy, and maybe some medications.. what ever a doctor would think would be the best for him. The best thing you can do for him is don't let him drink, if he does, throw it out, you care about him, not if he is mad at you. if he has thoughts of suicide when he talks to you, take them seriously, call the police. help him find other things to do besides drink. Be a firm friend to him. Listen mostly, and go with your gut feelings. Don't take all his problems on yourself, he has to do it himself to get better. You can't cure him.. Good luck.. and don't feel sorry.

Answer 4

I was in a child psychiatric unit for a while not long ago. When I was there, it helped for people to be helpful and encouraging, supportive and just there for me. But not too too much. Also, don't joke about suicide or alcoholism either. It is not good.
And just talk normally to him when yo usee each other. Ask how he his, and what he has been up to. Normal things. Anything to get his mind off of the hospital and what he is going through. But do not tell him all your problems...not good. If he wants to talk deeply about what is going on, let him. Make him laugh, and feel good. And try not to be nervous or scared either. It is the best thing for your friend. Probably you just going will make him feel really good. It did when my best friend cameto see me.

Answer 5

SUICIDE PREVENTION

Suicide & Crisis Hotline [phone] Help for Troubled Teens

National Hope Line Network 1-800-784-2433 Suicide Prevention

http://usminc.org/links.html

Answer 6

I've had a lot of dealing with depression and suicide (personally and with people close to me). There really isn't a list of topics to bring up or avoid unfortunately becuase every person is an individual and so what might offend one person would be comforting to another. If you care about him, though; I would suggest assessing how much strain this situation is putting on YOU personally, and if you feel it's to much you might want to try distancing yourself from him -- sometimes, sadly, this is the only thing one can do. But if you wish to continue to help him and be with him be firm in your actions of support -- letting him know that he is hurting you, himself and others -- but also let him know that you are there for him when he needs you.

Answer 7

from personal experiences, i have been to a mental hospital as well and at first i wanted to be alone, but then i started missing the ones that meant the most to me. well when i was there i remember that they made me retell my story over and over again. so the last thing hes going to want to talk about is what happend unless of course he brings it up first then i would support him as much as you can. but i remember one of my councelors telling me that alcohol increases depression by a lot, so him sticking to it and trying his best to stop drinking will boost his confidence in himself, i have helped many of my friends and family, and total strangers before with depression problems im only 17 but ive gone through it all and so far ive discovered that most of the people with that problem are very similar so i hope that i can help in any way that i can, also, if he needs to be put on any medication, im on effexor xr, and many people that have taken it have seen very good results, with all the other medications that i have tried always seemed to make me more depressed and increased my suicidal thoughts also, if he really loves you then thats a huge thing that will help him fight it off good luck to both of you!!

Answer 8

i've been on both sides of this issue (having attempted suicide numerous times and having a sister who also has numerous attempts).....i would talk about pretty much anything you want to or need to....i would avoid any kind of blaming, try and be very non-judgemental....i would kind of take your cue from him, if he feels like talking about certain things-just kind of listen....i've been in psychiatric hospitals many times, a visit from you will most likely be something he looks forward to (kind of a reprieve from the awful institutional life)...i'd suggest asking the staff if you are allowed to bring him some goodies (be sure to ask as each hospital has different rules for what is "contraband")...maybe a book or magazine or book of crossward puzzles-there's alot of time and nothing to do in the hospital, and the last thing you want to be doing is spending all that time dwelling on why you are there-it just makes it even more depressing.......so i guess, in a nutshell, just be yourself-loving and supportive and non-judgmental and anything you guys talk about should be fine
good luck to you both

Answer 9

via fact it appears that evidently such as you and your chum are in an exceedingly difficult place, attempt calling the toddlers Helpline or something. you will possibly no longer have the ability to get her help in basic terms yet, yet all of those issues along with her mothers and fathers desires to be soughted out. It in basic terms seems down-top neglectful. She acts like she would not want help, yet bear in mind that deep down she's hurting and he or she does desire it. it may be as undesirable as denying somebody with a actual incapacity a top to assist. Her mothers and fathers are actual telling her it quite is incorrect to have her ailment that she would be able to't help, making her experience even worse. in basic terms save sticking up for her. you will the two be ok. Like I suggested, attempt gaining knowledge of what hotlines are on your section. in case you circulate to a teenshealth internet site or something it ought to have plenty in this sought of factor. I stay in Australia, so i do no longer understand what the hotlines are on your section. sturdy good fortune with each thing. you will the two be superb i'm beneficial.

Answer 10

Just stay with them. The only thing to avoid is blame. Be positive and encouraging. Even the attempt is a valid subject, let them bring it up though.