Ive been "seeing" this girl for four months now. Were not dating, were just hooking up alot. I have a four year old son, hes mom left us right after he was born. This girl know that were not or never will be more than what we are now and were both ok with that. Well lately my son has been asking for her all the time. Shes so nice to him and she really cares about him alot, i honestly think she even loves him. Everything was fine until 3 days ago when he called her mommy, right away he corrected himself and said i mean ashley but its scaring me, hes so attached to her and i know its not going anywhere. Please tell me what you think i should do about this.
2007-01-09 11:17:11 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
As a rule of thumb, don't introduce women to your son that you are not serious about. It greatly confuses them. They perceive any woman that you are affectionate about as a mommy replacement. Gradually take her out of the picture. Bring her around your son less and less. Try to explain the situation to him in terms that he can understand. Like, this is just daddy's friend, she is not your mommy.
2007-01-09 11:22:05 · answer #1 · answered by Angelwings 2 · 7⤊ 0⤋
This is why you should keep your "lovelife" separate from your child until you feel confident & ready that the person you are with will share in your son's life as well. This way you won't have to go through situations like this. Children at this age are very susceptible to many things and we must be very careful what & who we invite into our lives. I'm a single mom of a 2 year old & right now I have no desire of wanting a friend of any sorts but I'm sure many, many eons from now that may change. And when it does my son will not meet this person unless I know it will be a concrete relationship that may ultimately end up in marriage. I already made one mistake falling in love w/ an idiot (his father) so I can't go for round 2. At this point your son is obviously attached. 4 year olds are much smarter than we give them credit. Sit down with him first & explain the situation, the type of friendship you have (well, w/o the actual details). Allow your son to voice his opinions, to share his thoughts & feelings and it may work out after all and STOP bringing her near him unless you are serious about her! Remember, right now it's about HIS life! Good luck & best wishes.
2016-05-23 01:09:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldnt have introduced him to her then. Kids that age especially one that doesnt have a mother figure in his life get attached very easily.
This women might be wonderful for your son if you are planning to be in a long term relationship with her. Maybe look into why you feel this way about ashley. Are you just covering for how you really feel?
Until then, I would have a heart to heart with your son. Tell him that Ashley is just a friend. Maybe consider keeping the two relationships seperate. Good Luck and Take Care.
2007-01-09 11:46:49 · answer #3 · answered by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your home is a revolving door of women (and yes, 4 months is short) guess how your son is going to view women?
You're teaching him that women don't stay. He will already have to deal with the issue of his mom leaving, you're piling the future issues on because you don't have the forsight to be discreet. He should in no way be aware of any type of fling or booty-call.
I don't intend to be mean but look at his obvious natural desire for a mother figure (which does not take away from you as a father), you're setting him up for disappointment.
Your son should be your first concern at the start of this type of thing, not when it's already done the damage.
2007-01-09 15:47:51 · answer #4 · answered by jess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you should never let your dating life interfere w/ your child's life. They should be kept separate unless and until you are serious about a girl. A child takes a person leaving them like they would a death in the family. It's not fair to him to put him thru that. That being said... As for making it better now. I would immediately break it off w/ the girl, and I would sit down together w/ ashley and your son and explain why she has to go. We don't feel that way about each other etc... And then I would explain, that doesn't change the way ashley feels about him. If she is willing, I would let her come and see him once in awhile until he doesn't feel the loss so profoundly. Good luck to you and your son.
2007-01-09 13:05:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry but i think it's very unfair of you to bring a woman into your son's life that it just your playtime girl. It is very hard on your son who will be looking at any woman that you bring into his life as his potential mum. Kids don't understand that your out for a good time with a girl, you really shouldn't bring someone into his life that isn't important to you as it will just confuse him and upset him when she is no longer around. If you have a good time girl friend keep her that way don't introduce your son to her if you aren't going to keep her around.
You will have to explain to him that Ashley is just a friend not your partner (which will be very confusing to him if he sees you go to the bedroom together and if she's there when he gets up in the morning).
From now on keep your sex Friends at there house and not at yours until or if they are to become more then that. P.S don't be so sure the girl thinks that this is going no where then your bedroom, as I don't know to many girls out there that are happy being the girl "that is nothing more to me than sex"
2007-01-09 11:30:48 · answer #6 · answered by finabella9 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't introduce your son to casual women in your life. They shouldn't have any contact until you are sure that you will likely to be with them a long time.
I know that sounds extreme but most (good) single moms do the same thing. They know that it is too hard on kids to have men going in and out of the lives. They know kids will become attached to them very easily.
2007-01-09 12:15:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Awwe, I konw you say that you both know that your relationship wont go any further than what it is. but wh say that? why cnt it go any furthur? how often do you find a girl who likes you and loves your son. and how often does a child love another, and knows she is not his mother, but calls her mommy anyway? i believe that is a sign. and she is nice to him. why dont you talk with this girl, maybe she feels deep down that you should be more than what you are now. too me this sounds like a beginning of a love story! try and see if you two can be more than what you are now. if your son loves her like a mother, then what else can it be? children know what kind of a person someone is. and seems to me that she is a really nice girl! be more than what you two are!
be happy!
2007-01-09 11:25:54 · answer #8 · answered by yummy_20032001 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you only want sexual encounters with this girl that you bring around. I suggest you put your son to bed first, so that he doesn't even see that she is around. Or, get a sitter and go to her place, for the evening.
Why don't you try to know her for who she is and not use her for sexual purposes only?
Ohhh yeah 'friends' with benefits. I C. I can imagine that when you are single WITHOUT KIDS. I don't believe in that. You have a kid man. I have a kid too. I respect myself and my kid. I am a single mom myself, for 4 years now...my kid is 5. My life isn't going to suffer if I don't have real sex everyday...because I have other methods to get myself off, and more than half the time it feels better anyways.
The more you bring her around, the more your kid is going to want to know her. I strongly suggest you get to know her real quick or I suggest you get a sitter and spend the night at her house, or like I said before put him to bed before you invite her over. Why is it scaring you? You know your son doesn't have a female role model in his life, that hangs around you. Are you an aquarius? or a Gemini? just a wild guess.
2007-01-09 11:42:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey Ginger C, YOU'RE a moron too! He know's he "f"ed up already. But anyway, I bet the girl has more feelings than you do. As a rule, girls don't play like that. I've learned that. Usually it's a simple way to keep the guy in the picture until he comes around. Usually it won't happen, but i think that is the goal for the girl. Good luck!!!
2007-01-09 11:35:50 · answer #10 · answered by nate p 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋