what do you do when your boyfriend tells you that he loves someone else from his past after speaking to her on the phone and she tells him she loves him? He tells you that he loves someone else out of the blue after a a few brief phone calls to her but tells you that he needs you as a friend and needs you to stay in his life? Just expects you to accept it and wipe out almost 4 years of loving him and suddenly be a friend in his life?
2007-01-09 11:02:45 · 37 answers · asked by mymanomer 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
hes been hypnotized
2007-01-09 11:06:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's got problems, and as horrible as it is now, it's probably a good thing that the relationship is over.
That being said, end the relationship. You cannot be friends now. Maybe, in the distant future, you can have a new friendship with each other, but for now, for your sanity, it's better to make a clean break.
He probably has regrets, and doesn't want to let you completely go, but he's just being selfish. He can't have his cake and eat it too. You need to move on, without him. And when he realizes that he never really loved the ex, don't take him back. Because he'll just leave you a second time.
End. It. Now.
2007-01-09 11:10:53 · answer #2 · answered by Jean Talon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, poor you. What a lousy thing to happen. I don't think it's reasonable of him to do this to you and expect you to still be there for him, but maybe he's not thinking straight (or at all)?
I don't think I can add much to the advice you've already received above. Only you can look at the relationship afresh now, and decide whether:
1. he has just realised that he was still in love with her all along, or
2. he was (and is) in love with you, and this is just that nostalgic rush for "the good times" that you sometimes get when a person you used to care for pops up again.
Then you can decide whether to tell him that - for your sanity - it's not possible to be friends now, (I wonder how the other girl would feel, knowing he's told you that he loves her but still needs you in his life?) or whether to wait for him to realise his BIG mistake, and come back to you wiser and more appreciative of what he's got.
I really hope that you can clearly see what the situation is, because for me, the worry of making the wrong decision, and the "what ifs", make this kind of thing 100 times worse.
I also hope that, whatever happens, you remember all the support you got on here, and that you're worth someone who loves you 100%.
Good luck.
2007-01-09 11:44:32 · answer #3 · answered by Rebecca M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth is he was always in love with her. It isnt out of the blue for him. He moved on to a point in his life but never truly moved on. It woud be the same if you had been in love with a man from your past and you still loved him but you moved on in spite of it and yet when he calls all of a sudden there you are with him regardless of what went down with you and your current bf/fiance/spouse. Yor boyfriend has baggage in his life that he didnt tell you he had but kept. Of course he doesnt expect you to accept the fact that he now only wants to be your friend. Problem is he may have either never truly loved you in the first place or this ex of his a phase he has not come out of. Either way you must decide whether or not it is worth it to keep him and its hard because he has made up his mind that his love unfortunately is not you. I dont expect you to accept what he tells you but if he has left you then there isnt anything you can do about it. The thing is that while it may have been out of the blue for you he might have beeen giving you hints all along that his heart was not with you. Look back on your four years and observe it. You have stated that you loved him, but did he love you? Look to see if he met you half way in the love department because if you see that there are times when he did not, it may ultimately lead to this ex of his in the past.
2007-01-09 11:18:31 · answer #4 · answered by Wheres the Rum Gone? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, it sounds to me like he just wants to go dip his #@#$ in an old flame's #$#! but wants you on a shelf where he can reach you again in case it doesn't work out with her!
I'd say that after 4 years you deserve better so give him the ultimatum that it's ALL OR NOTHING! It would be difficult for you to maintain just a 'friendship' with someone you are in love with.
My advice is to tell him that you cannot have ANY contact with him at all so that you can give your heart time to heal and to eventually find someone else. If he really is in love with her, then you owe it to yourself to cut all contact...it will be less painful than hanging around and watching them together! Who knows. With you completely gone from his life he might come to realize that it was you who he was in love with all along. He might also find out that this girl isn't the same girl he fell in love with before! Give him his wings!
There's an old saying that goes something like this: Set the bird free...if it comes back it's yours...if it doesn't come back then it never was yours. Set him free....if he comes back, and you're not with someone else by then, try to find out what went stale in your relationship the first time and don't let that happen again! Every relationship needs constant attention to romance no matter how long you've been together!
2007-01-09 11:15:22 · answer #5 · answered by StrawberryShortcake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really believe its just brief phone calls? Is that what he told you..?
Seems a bit drastic to out of the blue say he loves someone he was with 3 years ago.
I dont think true feelings can come back just like that, purely after phonecalls.
If you be just a friend, hes got the best of both worlds, and will be making a mug out of you. You're better off without him (although it probably wont seem like it right now)
2007-01-09 11:07:58 · answer #6 · answered by Kat 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost DON'T accept that he NEEDS you as a friend. This is man speak for "If it all goes wrong with her I'd like to come running back to you."
You need to tell him firmly that he has hurt you deeply and a friend would never do that to you.
Tell him you wont wait for him "just in case..." because he will think he can walk all over you.
4 yrs is a long time and you'll naturally feel devastated by this betrayal.
If you want to start getting over this you have to cut him out completely, as hard as it might be and as much as you might still want him.
I hope I don't sound insensitive but I watched a close friend go through hell and back waiting while her boyfriend run back and forth her and another girl. Use your friends as support, cry, kick, scream, hell do whatever it takes but don't let him think for one second he can walk all over you because trust me if he thinks he can, he will.
2007-01-09 11:14:39 · answer #7 · answered by Rainbow-Taster 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'am sorry to hear that. Kinda seems like you wasted 4 years??It's perfectly normal for you to feel betrade, confussed, apset etc. If I were you I would just start the rebuilding process right now, if he is capable of somthing like that he is a scumbag, and future relations are just gonna be rockey anyway. It will hurt really bad, but time is the greatest healer when it comes to love, and the sooner you start, the quicker it will come. And if it makes it feel any better(it does for me) Give it a bit and get on the rebound, and start feeling good again.
Good Luck
2007-01-09 11:11:57 · answer #8 · answered by bucs b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's completely stupid and either never fully got over her, or thinks she was the one who got away and now he has a chance with her again.
It seems like he is being incredibly selfish to want you to stay in his life. It sounds like you two have a long history together, and obviously you can't just wipe that away like it's spilled crumbs or something.
Let him go and find someone else. He might try crawling back if he finds out his old gf doesn't want him back, but he's not worth it.
2007-01-09 11:08:00 · answer #9 · answered by Bookworm 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all, thank him for being honest with you. Second, leave him and don't look back. Being his friend is a comforting thought for him, but unhealthy for you. He's probably overwhelmed by old emotions and feelings at the moment, but those will most likely soon die and he will be begging you back. I wouldn't suggest going back to him, unless you're sure he's learned his lesson and are able to forgive him. That's something only time will tell.....mark my words.... and let me know if i'm right!
2007-01-09 11:14:10 · answer #10 · answered by CherBear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats not quite how it works... he cant just drop you from one aspect of his life out of the blue and expect you to still be there for him...
After all that time if he can easily just say he loves someone else then does he really deserve your friendship... its something you earn not something you fall back on before you've earnt it...
2007-01-09 11:09:00 · answer #11 · answered by dave_t101 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋